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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Missing 'man' cuddles..

12 replies

Ludoole · 28/12/2015 01:32

Its been almost a month... I know he had no choice in leaving me but im angry anyway...
I cannot envisage loving anyone else. He was my love for all my adult life... im 39 now. I dont want to love another but i already miss manly cuddles... his manly cuddles.. how do i get through another potentially 39 years of cuddles without them?????

OP posts:

MummyBex1985 · 28/12/2015 22:15

I'm sorry Ludoole. Didn't want to read and run.

Please try and find some support elsewhere. Sometimes supportive hugs are enough to make you feel a little better. You don't have to imagine anything re your DH or life in the future - in fact there's no onus on you to do anything at this point.

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you.

Canshopwillshop · 28/12/2015 22:28

So sorry for your loss.

DoctorTwo · 28/12/2015 23:53

hey, this is the wrong section, but YANBU. Grieve in any way you want, this is about you and your feelings. Best wishes for the future and massive Mumsnetty hugs for now and forever.

Original poster

Ludoole · 29/12/2015 02:03

DoctorTwo How is this in the wrong section? My husband died and i want him to hold me and keep me safe again.

OP posts:

VimFuego101 · 29/12/2015 02:09

I think she means her 'YANBU' comment since you're not posting in AIBU. So sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you're going through.

DoctorTwo · 29/12/2015 09:11

It was indeed my comment of YANBU, since this section isn't AIBU. Please accept my apology for upsetting and confusing you, that certainly was not my intention.

VimFuego, thank you for two reasons, 1st for understanding what I meant, and 2nd for calling me she. Being mistaken for a woman on a female dominated site is incredibly flattering.

Again, sorry Ludoole, both for your loss and for once again getting it wrong.

puddingisgood · 30/12/2015 13:42

I do know this feeling. I am on my own after divorce not bereavement, but there are many feelings in common I'm sure. Touch conveys so much - caring, understanding, love etc. It's hard not to have that. Hoping a virtual hug from a random but empathetic stranger will at least help a tiny bit. Keep on keeping on, and all that.

pinktransit · 30/12/2015 13:56

I wish I had an answer. I miss cuddles too - it's an almost physical need for his arms around me, and it hurts knowing that's not going to happen. We just fitted so well together - his height and mine worked, my head just tucked into his shoulder.
I miss the communication too - lots of texts during the day, phone calls when we weren't together. It's all just so empty.
xx

Summon3r · 31/12/2015 11:43

I'm worried about this too. My darling partner is dying before my very eyes. I only found out 2 days ago that there's no hope. He will be gone by March. I miss him already. I'm a year younger than you. My heart is aching as I know yours undoubtedly is. I wish I could comfort you. I wish someone could comfort me. I'm terrified of the loneliness. I feel it already. I miss our happiness so much. I don't know how to be myself. He makes me me. I feel your pain xx

Original poster

Ludoole · 02/01/2016 03:28

Doctortwo No apology necessary
Summon3r Like you, i felt the loneliness before he went because i knew it would come... Knowing they wont be around doesnt make anything easier. Im grateful in many ways that we knew we had limited time as we got to say everything we needed to, but it was awful watching the deterioration and knowing that we had so little time... 10 lifetimes with him wouldnt have been enough....
If you want to offload or just chat, feel free to pm me x

OP posts:

Spickle · 05/01/2016 23:58

So sorry for your loss Ludoole. Time is a great healer and things will get better. Well, they couldn't get any worse, could they?

Someone said to me after my DH died in 2009 from Leukaemia that it was like a chapter which had ended, or a life that had completed its cycle and I was now starting a new chapter to my life. It wasn't a new life that I had chosen but was forced upon me and my two teenage children when DH lost his battle against the disease. It was weird realising that the world and life goes on and that I now had to make all the decisions. One thing I learned was that I became very independent and acquired many new skills along the way. My life was very black in those early days and I felt very lonely after the funeral when everyone went back to their own lives, then lonely around six months later when the support from family and friends was dropping off a little. Then the anniversaries, first ones to get through up until a year after his death. I won't pretend it was easy, it wasn't, but you will get there, just make sure you talk about him to anyone who will listen and, if you're offered counselling, take it even if you're not a believer. You never know it might work. I have made some great friends through a bereavement support group, all of them having gone through similar losses.

I got married again in July 2015 to a wonderful man that I met a few years ago. Life is great now and I can look fondly back at my memories knowing that my DH would have wanted me to find happiness again and not wallow in grief over something I could not prevent. Things may seem very bleak for you at the moment but you are young and life is for living.

The Way (Widowed and Young) bereavement group might be of interest as there may be a local group that could offer support.

daisychain01 · 23/01/2016 14:26

Just to concur with spickle I lost my Beloved DH in 2006 and life was like a black hole. Now in 2016 I am going to marry my DP on 11 March.

In no way am I suggest someone can replace a life partner, no way is that the message here. Just that as you continue on this journey of life you will start to see that things you cannot imagine now may come true in the future. You have a world of surprises out there to discover. If you can keep a warm heart for your late DH while gently going g out into the world again, and stay open minded to many options, you too may be as surprised as I was. This doesn't just apply to love, it applies to everything about life, and how it is a constant revelation.

Try not to think beyond the immediate at the moment. Definitely not as far ahead as 30 years!!

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