Has anyone else lost both parents?

[ssd]

just wondering if anyone feels like me

I was utterly heart broken when my dad died, years and years ago, ds was a baby and mum was devastated so I had to help her. But I still had her, had the family home, had the place I grew up in with her in it. Life continued, with a big dad shaped hole in it.

But since mum died, its all gone, there's nothing left. And the world has changed and never gone back to how it was. Mum died years ago but the world is still turning in the opposite direction it did when she was here.

I'm not asking if this is normal, I don't know what I'm asking. I just find it hard to connect if that's the word, with people who have only lost one parent. I want to scream but you still have your mum or dad left, its not the same, its not the same.

don't know what I'm trying to say.

[itispersonal]

I understand what you are saying op. I lost my df just over a year old this is the 2nd Christmas without him. Because my dm is still here, same family home etc you can kind of make an excuse of why he isn't here and stop yourself from processing the reality and yes there is a huge dad shaped hole and life is carrying. But I know when my dm dies, the whole world will be turned upside down.

My cousins lost their mum and dad a year apart and I know one cousin is particular is struggling and is finding life hard.

So to you and everyone else in the same situation

[ssd]

Merry Christmas to all of us here!

There is a real comfort in knowing how I feel isn't weird or mean, its just normal when you don't have any parents anymore. I'm nearly 50 and I certainly feel like an orphan, I feel about ten years old when I think of mum and dad and how much I miss them, and going home to them. I don't know why, but I just feel like a child.

I struggle too with adults who still have grandparents, I almost shouted at someone at work yesterday "your GRAN is coming for Christmas!!" people looked at me like I was nuts, but it totally sounded alien to me. All my grandparents and aunts and uncles are long dead, some died in the 1940's!! and by that I mean uncle, not even grandparents!!

I can't fathom people my age with parents and frail grandparents and uncles and aunts, my cousins are nearly 80...

its weird, but its how it is. It does make me bitter and I really wish my brilliant kids had grandparents or any family at all on my side who think about them at all. Its very hard, especially at Christmas. It hurts.

anyway, I hope you all have as nice a day as you all can today

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

I feel like an orphan though technically I'm not. My dad died a coup,e of years ago and while my mum is alive I've been totally NC with her for ages. Sorry, don't mean to upset anyone as im sure some people will think that at least I have the choice, etc. But she really is awful, physically and emotionally abusive. She used to beat me as a child.

My grandparents are all dead as are my aunts and uncles.

I have an older brother and Dh and dd but that's all of my family/relatives. Feels lonely at times. I'm only in my 30s and most people I know have a lot more living relatives.

I do find xmas especially hard especially because my dad died a couple of weeks before Xmas.

[Lauresbadhairday]

Also thinking of you all here.

I had a little cry earlier thinking about my parents and how much I miss them. I can totally relate to what you are saying ssd about feeling much younger than my 40 odd years when I think about missing them.

Christmas is particularly hard as we buried my dad 4 years ago on 21st Dec. Also dreading my PILs coming tomorrow because although they are lovely people I almost resent the fact they are still here and my parents aren't. Does that make me an awful person? Never admitted that before.

Anyway hope you all are having a good (enough) day.

[Lauresbadhairday]

Just to clarify my above comment I don't wish my PILs were dead it's just that seeing them somehow highlights my loss.

[ssd]

I understand exactly what you're saying, Lauresbadhairday.

[Roussette]

I hope you ssd and everyone else on here had a peaceful Christmas Day and could think of your lost ones without too much sadness.

I do agree it's strange when you don't have parents and yet there are some friends who still have grandparents!

My very best friend (only a few years younger than me) only lost her Grandmother last year and yet I haven't had parents for over a decade and my last grandparent died 45 years ago. I just find that so peculiar because I feel I've been sort of 'on my own' for so long, and yet up until last year she still had parents and a grandparent. It can be quite lonely without parents even if you are surrounded by random relatives!

[ssd]

I feel on my own a lot of the time too, even though I have dh and the dc's. I think the way my siblings have ignored me has made me feel much worse. And these feelings at Christmas can be magnified, making it much worse.

[lilone1234]

Lauresbadhairday - I feel the same about PIL too. Then feel bad for feeling that way!

[Lauresbadhairday]

ssd and lilone thank you for understanding. I feel awful for feeling this way and today actually went quite well so I feel doubly bad. It helps to know that others feel the same.

[LittleCandle]

My mother died in a car accident 16 years ago. It was devastating, but over the years I have realised that I remember her as she was, not someone who looked like my mother but wasn't really. I miss her every day and some days I could just weep, as it seems to have only happened yesterday. My father died almost 5 years ago and sad to say I don't miss him. He was not well, and although it wasn't dementia, he was rude and always picking fault with whatever I did. When I was picking him off the floor at 3am, after receiving a phone call to go and do so, he was swearing at me that this was my fault.

It is odd to think that I am an orphan. A lot of my friends still have both parents, most still have at least one. I am lucky to have my children and a grandchild, but there is always that empty space where they would have been, most notably at 'special' times.