My beautiful baby girl was stillborn

[3littlebadgers]

I am struggling so much right now, two weeks ago today my beautiful baby girl was stillborn. I had stop start labour for over a week and then I went in to hospital with reduced movements and they couldn't find her heartbeat. I still hear my screams in my head. I went into labour naturally, and they broke my waters.
I just feel in such a dark and lonely place right now. I keep getting emails telling me what my two week old should be doing, my pregnancy and baby magazines keep coming through the door and all I want is to hold her. I just want to hold my baby.
Please can someone tell me what to do? How can I stop feeling this way? I don't want to forget her I just want to be able to function. I just want to be there for my other children without feeling guilty that I am not with her too.

So sorry to read about the loss of your beautiful baby girl, 3littlebadgers. I saw your story on Keziah's thread but hadn't seen yours until now.

for you all - I hope that the counselling brings you some peace, and a space to talk safely and without fear. xx

I'm so sorry for your loss 3.

I had a stillborn son in 2007, and then eleven months later went on to have a premature daughter who died shortly after her birth.

There are no words to describe how it feels, and some days are better than others, some are terrible beyond words. I still have days where it feels like the same day we lost them, and others where it feels so far away it hurts that it's been so long since I was with them.

I didn't have other children to think of at the time, but I now have a wonderful six year old DS.

Your friends will understand the messages. Maybe you could send a text on a day when you feel up to it, thanking them for listening and telling them how much it means to you that they are sending messages to show they care, especially on the days when you feel at your lowest.

Does your hospital have a bereavement midwife? I was lucky, ours does, and even now all this time later, she would speak to me if I felt I needed to talk to her. Can you find out if your hospital has someone like this to help you?

If you ever want to chat, please feel free to PM me.

Thinking of you 3LittleBadgers.