DFather has had a massive stroke

[Lilamani]

Posted here for the traffic:

My father had a stroke on Sunday. He was alone at home and found unconscious in the evening. He was rushed to hospital for cranial decompression surgery. Since then he's been unconscious and his pupils are not responding to light. He can breathe on his own, though he's attached to a ventilator as a precaution.

Does anyone have experience of a situation like this? What can we hope for? I love him so much.

I've just been told that there's brainstem damage and he has a less than 10% chance of waking up.

He sounds fabulous. I am so sorry that you have had this enormous shock and are having to get ready to say goodbye before you are ready. Could you take the pictures your children have made anyway?

Lilamani, I'm so sorry, stroke is so awful as it's coming from nowhere and changes everything. No warning, just bam.

My DDad died from a stroke just before Christmas almost 20 years ago, and he is missed everyday! It was a brain haemorrhage, so he was in perfect health, just a blood vessel burst in his brain.

I was lucky I got to sit with him just after he died, and will forever remember the immense feeling of peace I got from that. In fact I laughed out loud, as I just knew he was ok. Sometimes strokes are too severe to recover from, and it's better to go, and he told me that by creating an amazingly light atmosphere.

I also think you'll benefit greatly from being with him, even if your travel arrangements don't get you there 'in time' to see him alive. There is a lot of peace to be had from being with someone even after they've passed on.

Bring all the pictures your DCs have made and tell him that they love him and ask him to watch over your DCs and to guide them with his love and care - he will.

Big hugs to you.

Unplug the phone if its all getting too much, and arrange a memorial ceremony for those who wish to pay their respects. Answering the phone constantly can be very exhausting, so mind yourself.

What a wonderful father for you and GF for your little ones - he must be very proud of them. Grandparents are so special.

Yes, this was a brain haemorrhage too. Everyone who's calling is talking about how he was never ill for even a day. He would have hated being helpless for years. Maybe this is for the best.

There are so many little things he did for people. Once when I was in school, I got upset with him because the backpack he had bought me for school wasn't particularly good quality and had torn. He didn't say a word about my rudeness. Late that night, I found him carefully hand stitching all the seams to reinforce them. I was so ashamed of myself, I never got stroppy with him again.

I will take the pictures to show him. I know he will watch over my DC all their lives. I just never thought he'd be leaving us so early. If I can be half as good a parent to my DC as he was to me, I will have done a good job.

I'm so sorry. Your father sounds absolutely lovely. I'm sure he knows how much he is loved. Sending you hugs and strength.

Lilamani, what an amazing man. I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I hope you get to be with him very soon

Yes, he's been a lovely, amazing man all his life.

It's late in the night here and I have a flight to catch in six hours. DC have asked me to hug him hard from them, though I'm not sure how possible that is in an intensive care unit.

So many things around my house remind me of him. Even the suitcase I'm taking has a cracked wheel which he repaired carefully three years ago. It's worked perfectly ever since. There's a Tshirt that I'd bought to give him sitting in my cupboard. It's a colour I knew he would love. A broken bathroom tap he'd promised to fix when he visited us this week.

I feel half dead myself. Can't even begin to imagine what my DM is going through.

Will be thinking of you. Good luck x

Lilamani, I'm so so sorry for what you're going through. My DM passed away unexpectedly last week, and the shock of it all is horrific.

Go and say a goodbye to him. Tell him you love him again. And give him one last hug.

My thoughts are with you.

Thinking of you tonight. Your father sounds amazing and I hope you get your goodbye.

Remember to eat and look after yourself

I'm in the airport now. DD is coming with me. School has given her leave under the circumstances. DS is quite independent and he and DH can manage things together. DD still needs more help doing things and my DSIL lives in the same town as my parents and will look after her.

5 and a half hours to see my father...

to LBOCS. I'm sorry about your DM.

I'm so sorry to read this. He sounds a very special person.

I am so sorry OP.I will say a prayer for you and your father.

Thank you. I've been praying so hard myself. He always made me feel so secure. I knew that when he was around, nothing bad could ever happen. Now I can't help him and he spent his last conscious moments alone.

Hope you are with him now x

Thinking of you today Lilamani

Thank you Lili. I hope you're getting to spend some time with your DDad. He sounds like he will be very much missed.

I was able to spend a little time with my father in hospital today, though not anywhere as much as I would have liked. Patients in intensive care are allowed visitors for only about 20 minutes a day.

I told him how much I loved him and how he wasn't to worry about anything. It was so hard to see him lying there. He was always so active and energetic.

More and more people keep calling and visiting to ask about him. All of them have such nice stories and memories of him.

Still praying for a miracle here....

I am pleased you have seen him and spoken to him. I really hope you see a flicker of hope

Your dad sounds lovely. I lost my dad recently and although unconscious at the end I held his hand and knew he could hear me. Keep talking to your dad. Thinking of you.

Rowgtfc72, I'm sorry to hear you lost your dad. I'm hoping that on some level my father knows that I'm talking to him. We're still clinging onto hope here, even though the doctors don't offer much.

Where there's hope.....

Medical professionals always say hearing is the last sense to go. So talk to him, tell him how you feel. He may hear you. If he does pass away then hopefully it will help you in your grief if you have been able to say what you wanted to.
Hang in there, you and your family need to look after each other too.

We're trying to get him moved to a private room so we can spend all day with him and keep talking or playing music. He hated the idea of being in hospital. The doctors say that if he continues to remain stable after a couple of days, they can move him. He's always been such a strong, determined person. If anyone could fight their way back, he could.