My son killed himself My heart is broken

[sscott1967]

My first born DS decided he didn't want to be here any more. There was no warning. He seemed fine. Going to work as normal, laughing at comedy shows, ordering pizza. Turns out he'd been planning it for a while. I miss him so much..I can still smell him. I have to be strong for our 3 younger boys.

I didn't see it either. I still don't quite "get" it? She's beautiful. Clever. Sporty. And I'm sure your son showed just as many qualities. I don't think that there is ever "a reason". Its a build up of all sorts of everything -in their eyes, and possibly that "everything" would be "nothing" to the rest of us?! Take care of each other xoxo

I'm so very sorry. What a devastating thing.

You couldn't see it because he didn't let you.

My three children have known (well) four teenagers who have killed themselves in the last couple of years, and my 20 year old has lost one best friend and three others over the last five years. Where I live there have been many deaths amongst young people. Not one of those gave any indication, none of their families or friends saw any warning signals.

Please try hard not to start feeling guilty or blaming yourself. You couldn't have seen it coming, and even if you had you couldn't have stopped it.

It's heartwrenchingly awful, but guilt won't help, really it won't.

I can not begin to imagine the pain you are going through.

I can only send you my sympathy, as a mum, for your loss.

So sorry, how heart breaking. I wonder if he didn't want you to see his pain. Please don't blame yourself. Hope friends/family are there for you all.

turdfairynomore - clever is an understatement..6 highers mostly A's, an A in advanced Higher computing and the school use his project to teach. Funny, talented lovely person with lots of friends. I once asked if he was depressed as he hadn't been out for a while and he convinced me no. If I asked how he was..'I'm good..how are you'. That makes me think you're so right ScaryZ & ChillingGrinBloodLover. He made sure we didn't know.
I'm lucky to have a suportive (& hurting) husband and our 3 other boys xx

I am so sorry sscott .

I am so very sorry for your loss. There just aren't words x

Thank you

This time a year ago was my the night before my DS funeral .. He took his life aged just 18
If you'd spoken to me about hid risk for suicide I'd have laughed ...
He was/is the most sensitive, smart and loving boy I have ever known ..,
I'm here if you want to talk.. My son left two younger sisters and a distraught mom and dad ... Happy to talk anytime xoxoxo

I'm so sorry. This is my worst fear. So so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son

So so sorry for all of you so devastated in this way. So sad

How devastatingly sad. I am so very sorry.

Sscott

I am trained to spot it as are my colleagues but if somebody is truly determined, they will successfully hide it. I have lost patients to suicide, not many but one is too many, and I remember and grieve for all of them.

It is NOT your fault. Your boy would not want you to think this for one moment.

You are all in my thoughts. Please contact the charity Winstons Wish and your local MIND who will be able to help support you and your boys. You do not need to go through this alone. You must not go through this alone.

There is no worse pain. I agree with Lil that your son would not want you to think it was your fault. Clearly, you talked to him and did everything to reassure yourself he was OK. He hid his deepest feelings from you and there is nothing you could have done about that.

Hope you and your sons can support each other through this worst of times.

I am so very sorry for your loss x

There really are no words sscott, I with there were.

I am so very sorry.

So very sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself, as well as your sons.

Dear Sscott, I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your son. On the 14th December it will be 1 year since my son took his life. I can't believe it's been almost a year since I last saw him, held him, kissed him. We don't know why, he just paused his movie one day, went to his bathroom and killed himself. He left no note, nothing. I will PM you if that's ok but in the meantime I'm sending you love and strength to help see you through the difficult journey ahead and know that I'm thinking of you and your family at this very difficult time xx

I am so sorry for your loss. My 18 year old son died in February but his was from a physical illness that we could see. Your son was ill, and it was not your fault. I am so very very sorry. I have another son who has to tread this grief journey too. Heartbreaking all round.

i have no words, I am so very very sorry for your loss

sscott, I read your thread last night and was literally lost for words.

I cannot begin to imagine your and your family's pain - I am so, so sorry you are all having to live with the loss of your DS and the painful questions 'why'.

No answers, just strength and light sent your way

I'm so sorry , I have a ds with depression and its heartbreaking , but I know I am lucky that he is getting help and that he is still here , I worry all the time though .

Be kind to yourself and its good for your other boys to see you grieving , it allows them to grieve too.

sscott and Louster, praying for you both. The sadness in your words is heartbreaking. I hope you both have lots of beautiful memories of your boys and that the circumstances of their deaths become only a tiny part of who they were.

Sending love to you both .