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Original poster

My son killed himself My heart is broken

98 replies

sscott1967 · 27/10/2014 23:06

My first born DS decided he didn't want to be here any more. There was no warning. He seemed fine. Going to work as normal, laughing at comedy shows, ordering pizza. Turns out he'd been planning it for a while. I miss him so much..I can still smell him. I have to be strong for our 3 younger boys.

OP posts:
bolshieoldcow · 28/10/2014 00:33

So very sorry to hear this. Sending you love.

Snapespotions · 28/10/2014 01:31

I am so very sorry. Losing a child in this way must be the very hardest thing to bear. I hope that you and your boys can get each other through this awful period.

SoloSaysHALLOMummieshowyouWEEN · 28/10/2014 01:38
Thanks
ColdCottage · 28/10/2014 01:40

No words can help take the pain away. I am so sorry for this tragic loss.

I find thinking of anyone I have lost being somewhere they would love (think paradise) with no email or phone signal so I just can't reach them to talk to or check up but they are still close. May sound silly but helps me. Though I've never lost anyone like this before.
ThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks

LilyTheSavage · 28/10/2014 10:05

I am so so sorry sscott. I am sending you a pm. xx

KoalaDownUnder · 28/10/2014 10:07

I really am deeply sorry.

There are no words. Thanks

Original poster
sscott1967 · 28/10/2014 20:40

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I worried about him after dropping out of uni and I suppose trying to find himself. He had been applying for jobs while working in a charity shop. He was at the shop the day before and came home with his usual Greggs bag saying he had a good day,watching DVDs at night, helping his brother with homework. The next day 18 Sep I found him. Turns out he'd planned it for a while. We have another 3 boys, 18,18 & 15. The 15yr old is really struggling as he looked after him. This is the worst pain imaginable x

OP posts:
ShebaQueen · 28/10/2014 20:47

So desperately sad and I am so sorry for your loss. What a tragic loss.

Wishing you strength to support your 3 boys and I hope you have someone to lean on.

Flowers
Original poster
sscott1967 · 28/10/2014 20:56

Thank you ShebaQueen

OP posts:
ThisFenceIsComfy · 28/10/2014 20:58

I'm so sorry for your loss

AimlesslyPurposeful · 28/10/2014 21:03

I'm so sorry.

Thinking of you and your family. Flowers

ScaryZ · 28/10/2014 21:04

It's so hard to know what to say to you, because nothing we can say will make it in any way bearable Sad

It is so sad that so many young people feel that this is a way "out" of any problems they have, but it is becoming increasingly common for them to take this (as I heard it referred to at a funeral I was at) "long-term solution to a short term problem". They don't seem to be able to think past today and realise that tomorrow will be better.

My children have all been touched by suicide, and their grief has been gutting to watch. It will be so hard for you and your younger children to face this, but know that many of us are thinking of you and sending you strength and love

Try to be nice to yourself..

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 28/10/2014 21:07

How old was he sscott? It's hard when you don't know what was upsetting them, what they were thinking... there's just so much guilt/anger/grief it's hard to process. What help are you getting?
xx

drigon · 28/10/2014 21:08

I am so very sorry, love. I can't imagine your pain. Love to you all.

Canshopwillshop · 28/10/2014 21:09

Unimaginable loss OP - my heart goes out to you. There are no words Sad.

VintageCherry26 · 28/10/2014 21:10

I'm so sorry, my thoughts are with you.

Mrsgrumble · 28/10/2014 21:11

So said for you and your family. Terrible news. Can't imagine the pain

:(

Flowers
turdfairynomore · 28/10/2014 21:11

My heart is breaking for you. I've just shown this thread to my DD who has similar struggles. We've hugged, and cried over your situation-and ours : we ache for you, we ache for your beautiful boy. My DD can now talk a little about where she was, and still is and it comforts me somewhat to know that she never felt or feels unloved. She feels unworthy of being loved, but she has always known how adored she is-by so many. Love isn't always enough-but it's so very real, and while he has gone, the love hasn't and never will. Wrap yourself in that love and add as many layers of love around it as you can gather in from any source xoxo

Seriouslyffs · 28/10/2014 21:14

I'm so sorry sscott Flowers
ColdCottage that's beautiful, can I repost for others.
I find thinking of anyone I have lost being somewhere they would love (think paradise) with no email or phone signal so I just can't reach them to talk to or check up but they are still close. May sound silly but helps me.

FannyFifer · 28/10/2014 21:14

I am so sorry for the loss of your darling boy.
Suicide has touched our family as well, look after each other. X

ArfurFoulkesayke · 28/10/2014 21:14

So so sorry ssscott

Stuffofawesome · 28/10/2014 21:14

I'm so sorry for your loss. This organisation may help uk-sobs.org.uk/

Pancakeflipper · 28/10/2014 21:19

What absolute hell for you.
I cannot think of anything to say except I am so very sorry.

Original poster
sscott1967 · 28/10/2014 21:41

Thank you all ..DS was 20.
turdfairynomore..I'm so glad your daughter came through it x
DS left a note saying it was years in the making...so how come we couldn't see it?

OP posts:
ChillingGrinBloodLover · 28/10/2014 21:50

sscott I don't know how it goes 'unseen', except to say that people can be very, very, good at not letting you see what they don't want you to :( Was he able to tell you what was bothering him or have you been left none the wiser? Do you have a husband or are you on your own with the boys?