Cath - I meant to add that it helps when there IS someone to blame, someone to shout at, someone to scream at, tears streaming down your face, someone to ask why they let this happen!!!
God I wish I has someone to scream at when Mum went, I guess anyone of us who have lost loved ones, regardless of age have felt that need even for a split moment.
Time stands still around you, you can see the person before you's mouth moving but you can't hear anything more after they say.....'I'm so sorry but there was nothing more we could do......'
After that, everything stops, the world shuts down, YOU shut down to whatever degree.
It's strange but you go into Autopilot mode, almost regimental as such, you just do what you have to, you still get up, do the laundry, go food shopping, send Birthday cards, smile when people pass you and look at you in that way that they do, with pity and sorrow. Knowing what you've been through but not actually saying any words to you.
Time is the cruelest part of all of this, the waiting. Not knowing, sitting, wringing of your hands, trying to keep busy, wash up again, strip the beds, iron, ignore the phone, although you know you need to leave one phone on for the hospital, funeral director, family,
You need someone to BLAME! 
xxx