Advice please re. colleagues m/c

[CheesyFeet]

I have just been told that a colleague has suffered a miscarriage. She was about 10 weeks but hadn't told anyone at work. We are not close friends and don't socialise outside work but we do get on well and I knew she wanted a baby. She must be absolutely devastated and I am so sad for her.

As we are not really close I was wondering if it would be appropriate to send her a card, with a message along the lines of "So sorry to hear your sad news, if there is anything you need or if you just want a chat then give me a call". I don't want to bother her unneccessarily but I know her family live a long way away and I don't want her to feel alone. She has a fab dp but they haven't lived in this area very long and I don't think she has too many friends locally to help her.

What does the wise MN community think?

TIA

Speaking as somebody who has recently suffered a m/c I would have been touched to receive such a lovely message. In all honesty, it is the good wishes of people on MN that have helped me the most. Go with your gut instinct.

Sounds like the right level - showing you care and are there if she wants you but not intruding

Yes, I think that's just the right thing to do - it means she knows that you are thinking of her but doesn't have to talk about it if she doesn't want to.

I think it's a good thought. I would have liked to get a card like that when I had a m/c.

Do also remember that she's not going to get over it overnight -- she will probably value your remembering asking how she is in three or four months (and around her original due date, and the anniversary of her m/c) because so many people will forget.

Wow, that was quick

Thanks everyone

i had a work colleague, same situ and i spoke to her when she want to the loos as i was in there as well. i think its nice someone else 'recognised' what she was/is going through.

I think it sounds perfect CheesyFeet. She is lucky to have such a caring colleague. Definitely making a mental note of when her d/d should have been is a very thoughtful idea. That is likely to be a horribly difficult time for her and her dp.

I have to agree with the other ladies- a card would be just the right thing. My mum sent me some flowers- a really beautiful bunch and they made me feel like people cared. A card from a colleague would be lovely.

I think that would be a really kind thing to do CF. But about the due date business, from my personal experience I would say just make a note in your diary when it would have been, and only if she seems down then mention it. If people had been mentioning my mc around my due date then I think it would have angered me that they weren't allowing me to deal with it in my way - I would have felt that, as I had chosen to let it go, what right would they have to bring it up again. OTOH, when someone asked (in private and genuinely) how I was a couple of months after the m/c, I was so touched and comforted by her interest.

We are sending a card and a boouquet from the department, but I will also be sending her a card privately. I'll be keeping an eye on her too, without being in her face iyswim. If she seems like she needs a shoulder, I can supply her with one.

Thanks for all your thoughts, very much appreciated.

Very nice CF. I had a m/c in April and the girls at work did this for me. It was much appreciated.

My first day back at work was a tough one though

I m/c 2 years ago and my work mates did the same for me and it was so kind of them and it made that 1st day back a bit easier,