I miss him, so, so much :(

[LollipopViolet]

It hurts like crazy. My lovely, wonderful, amazing granddad has been gone for 8 weeks, and it's just not fair :(

We've had what would've been my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, and what would've been his 73rd birthday.

Next comes my 24th birthday, and our first Christmas without him.

He was my dad, basically. Mine has never met me, but Granddad raised me like I was his daughter, not his granddaughter.

Miss you lots, Granddad xx

Hugs to you Lollipop.

to your Grandad. He sounds lovely.

So sorry for the loss of your wonderful Granddad, x

I know it hurts like crazy, it feels like it always will, I can't give you any advice regarding grief as I lost my dear sister just over four weeks ago now and am in a complete state, the pain is just too much to bare at times.

Sending lots of hugs, xxxx

It still won't go away :( The heartache, I mean.

My gran and I had a bit of a cry today, and I'm quite close now - listening to the song the Military Wives did. My Granddad was in the Army - but this bit got to me especially:

"Wherever you are our hearts still beat as one
I hold you in my dreams each night until your task is done
Light after darkness my wondrous star
Our hopes and dreams, my heart and yours, forever shining far"

First time I've really listened to the lyrics and it's got me a little bit.

He's visited my gran in her dreams recently - I like that, I know she finds it comforting.

I just still keep thinking he's going to walk through the front door :(

Firsts are incredibly painful.

Loving memories get you through them.

Yeah, I'm not feeling particularly festive at the moment - but I have nice memories.

A nice Christmas one - he used to call the house phone, and speak to me pretending to be Santa. Mum, gran and uncle were in on it too. Then on Christmas Eve we'd leave a mince pie and some sherry for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer.

Every time it snowed, I'd help him shovel the drive and we'd build a snowman. Even though I was only little and was using a children's shovel I'd still help.

Do you know, that's made me feel a bit better - teary as I wrote that though, but it's nice to talk about him :)

You know Lollipop, what got me through the pain of losing my Dad was knowing that he'd helped give me the strength and memories to carry on - and that's my testament to him.

It will be a tough Christmas, but I hope that you will get some pleasure and comfort from remembering the happy times you shared.

I'm so sorry for your loss

When my Granny died I was distraught. She wasn't even the cuddly-old-lady stereotype granny, she loved her cigarettes and beer cursed like a trooper and gave my poor Granda such a hard time, but she was such a character and I loved her to bits.

Now when I think of her I smile...I'm not saying it'll take three years for you to reach this stage! I actually lost my granda a year and a half after granny, but in a weird way it wasn't as hard, because he was lost without her, it seemed right.

Just hang in there, it gets better, I promise. Unfortunately you've just gotta go through this shitty phase first .

I'm so sorry, he sounds lovely especially about the Santa phone calls.
It's not a good time of year, I lost my Mum in July and, from what you say, you have lost your Dad.

I believe, from people wiser than me, that it gets easier to deal with as time goes on.

Lots of Love.

Thanks everyone :)

The Santa phone calls will live on hopefully, when/if I have DC of my own - it was such a lovely tradition :)

He was my Dad in every sense, except that pesky DNA bit :)

We've found an old gift label my granddad wrote to my gran - it's now hanging on the Christmas tree :)

We've also got a bottle of Asti for Christmas Day and will have a cheese board either Boxing Day or the day after - all traditions he loved.

This time of year will be sad for us, no doubt, but we're going to make the best of it :)