Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

Hello lucy I think the first anniversary is awful, but sometimes the thought of it is sometimes even worse than the actual day in reality. Especially if you are spending the day with others who loved her too I am sure being surrounded by others will help you through it and make it the occasion you want it to be . We have all done what you are doing now. The " this time last year " I think it must be a normal thing to do. We can't help but look back and go over everything again . Every minute of that awful day will be in our minds forever. But eventually / hopefully we will all be able to look back with fond memories rather than sadness. I hope the day passes as you are planning for it to do

Hi Lucy

The first anniversary was very hard You look back although I tried not too. But it was very hard. I tried to think of it as a memory to her life. We played her fav music, and raised a glass to her, i also brought a small gift for her shelf. But the anniversary is very hard. I will be thinking of you. ((Hugs)) to you.

Crazycat thinking of you and hugs to you too

Hi all may I join. I lost my dearly loved dad four weeks ago
I miss him so so much. Its like an ache, feel sad mainly, then angry . Resent the fact he was youngish and others seemingly swim along without a care living till ripe old ages! Is this normal?

Hello BMWNext sorry you have had to join us here, and sympathy at your loss. Yes what you are feeling is perfectly Normal. Grief that someone has left us. Then there can be anger at that person because they have dared to die and cause so much sorrow. Of course we know this anger is really , misplaced but in our sadness we can't always see this
You are still in the early days and you will experience all sorts of different emotions. When you feel overwhelmed, as we all do at times, try and think back to some happier times you sent with your dad. Do you have RL help and support ?

BMWN...yes. Perfectly normal. I still feel utterly venemous towards others at times....people my dads age, younger than him, older than him, couples still together, couples enjoying their retirement.
15 weeks today.
Mum is struggling.
She is so very unhappy and lonely and I just don't know what more I can do....any tips?

Sorry to read about everyone's sadness this morning. I am thinking of you all.

My Mum's funeral is on Monday, I am trying to get my head in the right place but I just think I am going to be a complete wreck. Every time I think of it I cry. I met the vicar last week who was lovely and was very sympathetic. Unfortunately my dad completely broke down when we were speaking to her which upset me a lot. So hard to see your dad cry.

I managed to go to work yesterday for the first time since Mum died. Everyone was so kind (although some people didn't mention it at all). However they gave me some beautiful flowers and a card signed by everyone. I managed not to cry once in front of anyone and got loads of work done. My colleagues even managed to make me laugh a few times.

Still feeling upset that one of my closest friends hasn't contacted me at all since Mum's passing. She sent me a card though so is obviously thinking of me.

Badvoc - it is very hard and they say times a heeler that's so true. Obv my dads not great all the time but he has got a little better. At the beg my dad stayed here a fair bit. Although its bloody hard and kills I went along the road of talking to my dad about every day things, TV he's watching , who he's seeing.

Is there any club there she can join? My dad isn't like that but he has got round to it the last few months and is enjoying it. He is going out to dinner with them in dec.
it is extremely hard though at the beginning. We tried to get my dad looking forward to things although that was horrendously difficult to do with out my mum and at times still is. Bless your mum. X

Here if you want a chat anytime x

Angnesmum- will be thinking of you Monday. Were Here before and after. I remember the wait was a killer for me.

Bmwnext- yes it is very normal. I still get bitter now. So very sorry for your loss! Thinking of you x

Hi everyone else! Tough job today gotta b strong. Sorting my mums clothes again. I want to keep special bits from occasions but can't remember her 60tj birthday party dress and I can't see the computer to tell! I'm hoping she gives me guidance! x

Thinking of you all x

I think it's normal and doesn't make us horrible people to think why my parent.i always feel awful when I see people older and think hm why are you still here and she isn't but can't be helped. I hate this whole looking back bullocks but one year ago my life changed for ever. I had come back from the hospital very upset as mum was in pain shouting and didn't know we were there. late at night my brother phoned me to say nothing else could be done, it's weird cause I remember someone making the world's most horrible noise it was only after that I realised it was me. She didn't speak again after that day today, I'm sorry to see everyone is feeling so down. I've got something funny to tell you, I am well known for losing things and throwing wires or plugs away that we need. I got all my Christmas stuff down yesterday there was a huge plug with a massive sticker on and in mums handwriting it says supermariossister this us for your Christmas lights! All underlined. made me laugh

Ahh nice touch from your mum super! Maybe you were meant to find it xx

probably because she knew last year i would be in that foul of a mood that everything just got shoved back wherever i could find space this year i didnt have a clue where anything was and half the stuff is wrecked because i didnt pack it away properly. in my defence i was pretty ill as well as things being a bit grim. so this year i need to buy new... apart from the lights, mum had that one covered...lol!

I'm buying some cheap tat Christmas dec for the house from better ware I know my mum would have brought this year again ill let her guide me to something!

Side note I loved the JOhn Lewis advert last year with the Robin - and the John Lewis advert this year is goose bumping really lovely. Check it out if you can

i went to b and m with my sister this week and she bought christmas decorations of glittery handbags , purses and shoes. it made me laugh, the women behind us loudlly remarked "what the hell is christmassy about a shoe". my sister has about 80 pairs of shoes... lol

Oh I love the glittery shoes ill have to have a look for handbags! I have a fair few shoe decs for the tree! Stylish tree! Tree has more shoes than me! Ha ha.

hope you manage to sort out your mums clothes t875, thats so hard to do, thinking of you doing this xx

oh god, avoid the tesco Xmas advert this year girls, the music on it and the pictures will drive you to the nearest sherry, why do they do this?we dont all have lovely extended families about us at Xmas and these shite adverts just rub it it.

will look out for the jl one t xx

Hi all

Thanks for the warning about the tescos advert ssd, I'll make sure I switch over if I see it coming on!
How did you get on with the man at cruse? If you don't mind me asking. Hope you're doing okay.

Hope you've got on okay today t, a tough job for you there with your mum's clothes

Hugs all round xx

Hello everyone, just been to do do my friends second injection for her and those dreaded white stockings ! She has a new hip and has to have a jab every day for 30 days and she can't do it a d no-one else will
agnesmum will think of you on Monday. It's a traumatic day but having others around afterwards does help.
I don't actually
Put decorations up as such but I have lots of fibre optic Xmas figures which are put all around in my lounge and conservatory. I also have my tree and last year I put some of my mums little things on it. I start off deciding I will keep to two colours and every year it ends up multi coloured because I want to put all my things on it.

Hi everyone

BMW I know how you feel with resenting older people still being here awful as it sounds. My mum is only 54 and she won't see 55. You're not only grieving for your dad passing but also for the years he should have had.

Supermario I'm the same with throwing things away that are needed except I also keep things that aren't needed like the charger for a phone that broke 7 years ago.

Oops pressed post too soon

Agnessister I'll be thinking of you Monday.

It's been a rubbish day today. I've got a horrid cold and DS2 has a cold and bad cough with fever. I think he's got a chest infection starting so I'll be off to walk in tomorrow.

On the bright side my mum seems a bit better, she's had to have the anti-seizure medication in her syringe driver increased due to pain but she's been able to talk a bit more, even sent me off with a shopping list yesterday! I know she's not really better which makes it very bittersweet. Still it's better than her being so out of it the other day.

Love to you all and hope each day gets a little easier to carry on.

Hello all.
Agnes...you will in my thoughts tomorrow x
My aunt is very frail. She has given me a key for her house :(
My ds2 is ill...was sick @ 1am and is complaining of a headache. So I have had no sleep and feel ghastly.
Hope your ds is ok Kat x

no sleep is awful badvoc

agnes am so sorry for your loss and will be thinking of you tomorrow too xx

kat, hope your cold gets better too

biscuits, thanks for asking, it was a bit hard going, I seemed to do all the talking, the counsellor just sat and let me talk I suppose, i wanted feedback that would make me feel better but I guess it doesnt work like that. the counsellor said the answers to our troubles lie within us, we just have got to work through them. I found it emotionally exhausting, I didnt want to go and forced myself there. I found it quite awkward to be crying in front of a man I didnt know but as soon as I sat down I started crying and literally I didnt stop for 50 minutes. I'm in 2 minds about it, I just kept saying I feel I'm stuck in my way of thinking over my mum dying and he said its ok to be stuck and I said but I dont want to be stuck I want you to give me the answer and he said thats not how it works. I'LL GO BACK AGAIN NEXT week (oops), I can only try it, I just find it a bit awkward and hard-going. I suppose its just a safe space to get everything out, but its like god, you really face yourself and your deepest emotions, its not for the faint hearted. hope that hasnt put you off!

ssd I am sob.ad that you made it to your cruse apt. If nothing else it has allowed you to open up about your feelings. Hopefull your tears will turn out to be healing tears it's it going to harm you .
badvoc how is the situation with you and your mum ? Is she still insistent on calling folk in Ireland ? I am sorry your aunt is so ill and feel sad fr you as you now have more grief to face.
Hope your ds is soon feeling better.
I have just heard that my aunts funeral is not until fri week, which seems ages to wait. So I don't have to face that crem again until then
Thinking of you all.

Lin..due to the council cock up she has decided (well, my sister and I advised her) to withdraw her application for now and just get the work done and see how she feels next year.
She has promised me she will go to the gp tomorrow and ask for something to help her sleep. That's a big issue ATM.
We are planning to go to the funeral in Friday but if ds2 is still poorly I won't be going and my sister really doesn't want to but mum will not go without us so we are stuck :(

Ssd...my sister has her fist session on 20th.
I am sure she will be the same as you. I have earned her she may feel much worse before she feels better

Badvoc - Glad you mum is doing better, sorry to hear about your aunt Hope your daughter is better soon

mummylin - Im the same with the tree, i start of minimilistic with the tree then it gets everything added and becomes multi coloured and lots of special bits for my mum

Biscuits, ssd, fod, super, crazycat, and everyone else, thinking of you.
will be thinking of you agnes tomorrow xx

badvoc, I'm surprised your sister is having her counselling so soon, cruse told me they dont see anyone for at least 6-8 months after a loss as you're just all over the place before them and sometimes it does more harm than good...who is your sis having counselling with?