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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 11/09/2013 12:47

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummylin2495 · 09/10/2013 15:27

Miniature fav = miniature daffs !!!! Sorry for all the wrong words iPad has a brain of its own

OP posts:
Badvoc · 09/10/2013 18:01

Lin...it's been rough that's for sure.
I love the little daffs :)
I dreamt about dad last week, except in my dream the CPR worked :(
My sis has heard from the counselling service and they are going to her house for a home assessment on 21st.
Still not sure whether to take he plunge myself.
Mum is very lonely :( We were joking today she is going to advertise for a "travelling companion" like they did in E M Forster novels! :)
She has applied to get he house valued. They will let her know whether she is eligible to buy and then they have 12 weeks to do a valuation and then she has another 12 weeks to decide.
I have no idea whether it's the right thing to do or not....but it would be nice for her to think she owns her own home.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 09/10/2013 20:24

Yes it would. badvoc.i am sorry that what you dreamt didnt come true. I hope your sister will benefit from seeing someone. I think for some people it's a real lifeline.but I don't think it's for me.
Had trouble getting on the site tonight, it's on a go slow. There is a message from MNHQ in site stuff as a few are having problems.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 10/10/2013 19:26

Been back to see the gp for my check up.
Bad news is I am still not sleeping :(
God news is she thinks i am perfectly sane Hmm
I am not convinced.
Mn went a bit mad yesterday didn't it?
I tried posting about 4 times and then just gave up.
Hope everyone is ok x

ssd · 10/10/2013 20:32

me too badvoc, I wrote something and it disappeared, very annoying!

sorry you aren't sleeping, I know I wake up early sometimes thinking of my siblings and my mum and going over everything again and again.

but I think we have to accept how we feel is normal, although it doesn't feel it.

try to to be as kind to yourself as you can, I mean in your mind, in your thoughts. you've had the worst shock of your life and its still going on, with your mum being lonely and your aunt poorly. its not surprising you're feeling awful low. but here we can hold your hand and give you understanding and empathy and try to buoy you up a bit to get through these sad days. I hope you get a bit of comfort here, I know I do.

you are sane, you're just hurting more than you would ever imagine Sad. I'm sorry xxx

Badvoc · 10/10/2013 20:56

Ssd...thank you.
I so feel lucky that I have this thread and the lovely posters on it.
I have felt recently that I was going a bit - well, mad :)
I tried to open my car door with the shed key a few days ago. And I put dirty washing in the tumble dryer. And I forgot the kids break up for half term next week!
If I could sleep I think I would feel better, but easier said than done, eh?

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 10/10/2013 21:31

badvoc join the club ! Today I thought my neighbours cat had come in and I could see it behind my settee. Bent down to stroke it and it wasnt even a cat it was a soft toy dog !
I think we all have moments like that. You are far from mad !!
Hope everyone is ok.
ssd I think what we are all going through is normal, we all seem to have the same sort of feelings etc, so I guess therefore it ^must* be normal !!! Does that even make sense ?

OP posts:
ssd · 10/10/2013 21:51

I remember genuinely feeling like I was going mad when my mum first died. I really thought, this can't be normal, this is mind blowing. No one else felt the same, I could see it in them. I thought what the hell is this, this can't be right.

Then amidst all the madness I learned to trust myself and realise, even if no one else feels it, feeling this bad was normal when you'd lost someone you'd loved all your life. And I looked at my siblings and realised not feeling like this was abnormal. Well, to me anyway.

So badvoc, trust yourself. And maybe when you do, you'll start getting a bit of sleep again. x

Badvoc · 11/10/2013 11:32

Ok...third time trying to post so here goes! (Mn seems to have gone a bit mad or is it me?)
It could be worse...my sister nearly burnt her house down last week!
I have had a very busy morning cleaning and grocery shopping.
Just the ironing to do now...

FriendofDorothy · 11/10/2013 11:35

Today we bury mum. It's so hard Hmm

Badvoc · 11/10/2013 11:36

Thinking of you FOD x
And your dear mum x

ssd · 11/10/2013 13:18

second that, thinking of you dorothy x

Badvoc · 11/10/2013 18:25

So, dads headstone was put up today.
Why is it so much harder looking at his headstone instead of a wooden cross!?
You are in my thoughts FOD x

supermariossister · 11/10/2013 18:54

thinking of you friend of dorothy.

and you too b the headstone going up probably seems quite final, mums was ready the same day so we didn't have the extra milestone on the journey. I am in a proper crabby mood tonight my nan has been crying a lot of the afternoon as she's been talking about mums birthday and how her feckless two other children won't bother sending flowers for her birthday. she's right they won't but she already knows this they are too selfish to even register that this will upset my nan. they always have been like that show up when there's a crisis then feck off back into the sunset when they are needed. my grandparents deserve better Sad.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 11/10/2013 20:39

friendofdorothy I have already posted to you today but it dosen appear to be on this thread so I'm not sure where I have put it ! Hope today went as well as possible and that you. Your dad and sister coped with it all. Look after yourself and each other.
badvoc that is the final thing you can do for your dear dad. It is a sad day but for myself I felt a bit happier when mum had her headstone , we had to wait 6 months for the ground to settle before we could have it , so it was nice to see something there rather than nothing.

OP posts:
supermariossister · 11/10/2013 21:00

posted on facebook today that I was feeling really shit and wished I could help those who needed ( meaning my nan) got a comment off ain't asking if was abit grumpyAngry cock. yes I was grumpy after spending the afternoon with your mum who was in tears. god she winds me up

Badvoc · 11/10/2013 21:00

Yes. I suppose that's it. It's so final.
SM...I'm so sorry. What a hard day for you. I don't know how some people look themselves in the mirror in the morning tbh, but it's between them and their conscience.
I feel so sad today.

supermariossister · 11/10/2013 21:13

big hug to you badvoc there is certainly something with seeing it in stone if that makes sense. one day at a time ( and one feckless waste of space relative at a time) we will get through though

Badvoc · 11/10/2013 21:47

Thanks.
Took my aunt to hospital on weds. She has to go back next week for another ct scan. It's not looking good tbh.
So hard to stay positive in the face of such awful stuff.
Am looking forward to half term - with any luck the dc will be happy watching tv all day and slogging about in pjs :)
They both look so tired and pale, bless them. They are ready for a break.
I don't do FB - my brother harassed me to join and I did for about 4 months. Then my Dhs cousin got all passive aggressive with me so I deleted my account. I don't use twitter either...I am somewhat of a Luddite :)

supermariossister · 11/10/2013 21:51

I am sorry to hear about your aunt I know what you mean it is certainly hard not to think the worst case when you are already feeling low. it runs you down I bet the dc will enjoy the break no matter what. sometimes I think no fb is the way to go but I would miss friends I don't see so may just delete aunt and if she ever shows her face ill have to explain why

t875 · 11/10/2013 23:05

Ah Friend of Dorothy my thoughts are with you. We are here for you. I know how crap and upside down your world is feeling right now. Lots of hugs to you.

Badvoc - bless you - thinking of you xx

Thinking of you all. Sorry been working loads. Got another 4 - 6 weeks on 0 contract though and can be stopped any minute. 0 contracts great for the government and their figures crap for people who want to plan their future!! :-(

Hope your all going along well as can be xx

ssd · 12/10/2013 08:30

super, I'm with you re the fecking relatives!!! I deleted my whole family off my facebook, the stuff they were posting right after mum died was unbelievable to I just got rid and I'm glad I did, theres posts and things I just don't want to see or read, I can only take so much hurt. What is it with selfish people? Bereavement really opens your eyes to who your friends are,. doesn't it!

badvoc, I'msorry you are sad, everything is just another step away from the ones we love, isn't it Sad and each step is so hard to take.

Dorothy, I hope you have a quiet day today and you get the chance to have a rest and a cry by yourself

mummylin, t875, vlad, waterlego, biscuits and auntitina, thinking of you all and anyone I've missed! xx

Badvoc · 12/10/2013 08:38

Ssd...I know that my siblings got some nice messages after dad died on FB, but it's not for me. I think FB can be a very cruel place when you feel vulnerable.
No idea what to do with the wooden cross!...would it be awful to just burn it!?
11 weeks today...
Miss you, dad x

ssd · 12/10/2013 08:49

nice messages would have been good, don't want to go into what was on mine, just cruel, people who obviously weren't in the least upset at my mum dying and not thinking for 2 seconds I might not want to read certain things, I just deleted folk when it got too much...and this was "close" family, not random strangers.

supermariossister · 12/10/2013 08:51

i am still in the same not so cheerful mood as yesterday, it is so annoying to get moaned at for being miserable. i know fb isnt really the place but when you dont have many people to talk to it can get your thoughts outside of your head in a sense. i so wish i had the balls to say well actually im upset because ive spent the day sat with your mum who was breaking her heart that her youngest child isnt alive to celebrate her birthday and her other two children couldnt give a flying feck that she cries daily, she hardly ever goes out unless its with me or my sister and she says she feels she has no family apart from us now.
i know what you mean though people just dont think before they type , i dont have many people on there but i think it will dwindle even more now! i dont think it would be so bad to get rid of the cross, i have a memory garden for mum where the little things i buy or have that can go outside do it looks nice in summer.