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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Could do with some hand-holding please?

480 replies

ChubbyKitty · 20/05/2013 06:32

Horrific accident in my parents house. Mum and grandad have both gone, dad is stable, and only found one of three cats.

I'm 21, I did not expect to lose my mum this soon at all. It hasn't even sunk in properly yet, and I know when it does I will be completely destroyed. What do I even doSad

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 22/07/2013 22:33

I guess the funeral is tomorrow then. Yes it will be awful and very sad, but you will get through it. Will be thinking of you, hope it all goes to plan. X

mummylin2495 · 23/07/2013 10:34

Thinking of you today x

NappyHappy · 23/07/2013 11:27

And me. X

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 23/07/2013 18:49

Thank you both. It was an alright day, like he would have approved if that makes sense.

Thank fully we were home before this weather happened.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 23/07/2013 22:05

Glad it's over for today and that it went it ok. I hope a lot of people came to pay their respects to your grandad. How did your dad cope with it, very sad for him today

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 23/07/2013 22:41

It was awful for him. Even DP had a little cry at one point, not sure there was a dry eye there, he was a very popular man.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 24/07/2013 00:47

Ah that is so sad, it's a very distressing time for everyone who cared about him. Did the celebrant read out what you had written ?

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 24/07/2013 09:16

We didn't get a chance or an offer to write anything for my grandad. Not 100% sure what happened there so I'll not mention anything. Best not cause an argument in the family as well!

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 24/07/2013 13:51

How long do you have to wait now for your mums ? Very sad times for you all. I expect in a way you will be Relieved when everything is over . It must of put enormous strain on you .
Have you got any more work lined up yet ?

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 25/07/2013 01:02

A week to go. I'm working Friday and Saturday, goodness knows how long for though. If yesterday's weather comes back then we'll be absolutely rammed and I could get in a good few hours to hopefully make up for the £34 I got this paydayHmm

Today has been a better day, I spent the day rushing round getting everything ready for DP and he really loved it, and I just focused on him really. A good distraction in all.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 25/07/2013 12:42

I'm sure you can do with a better wage each week than that ! Hopefully you will soon be able to be able to do quite a few shifts and up your wages. Hope today's working hours are ok.
Will be good for you when next week is over, then you will be able to settle your life down a bit. I'm sure the past few weeks have been like a see saw, up and down. Did your grandad have a humanist funeral like you are having for your mum ? Hope your DP enjoyed his surprise !

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 26/07/2013 10:30

That was for the month!

Part of me is wanting to try and sneak in early tonight. Might even offer to clean something (like the pots - takes forever on a good day) and then do it as slowly as I can get away with it. Maybe that's a bit mean but..I like to eat.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 26/07/2013 11:05

Oh my god, how on earth are managing to cope financially ? Yes to sneaking in a bit early, earn another hours wage ! Have they paid you anything at all whilst you have been off. We're you entitled to any sick pay or anything ?

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 26/07/2013 12:52

I got 30 hours of holiday pay last month. I have no idea how we're coping tbh. Some bills didn't go out last month and got put onto this month so we're pretty much surviving on a wing and a prayer.

And the bereavement benefit I got told about turns out to only be for surviving partners or parents. I guess they hadn't thought of this whole situation as a precedent because its so unusual.

Luckily the rent has gone out this month so the house is fine. Just not too sure about electric, council tax, gas..Confused

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 26/07/2013 19:02

Oh dear, as if you don't have enough to cope with. It's bad enough worrying about bills at the best of time. Well they will have to wait till you have got it. Or maybe you can pay a little of each one just to keep them sweet. My mum always told me rent had to be paid first as you need a roof over your head. But I think councils are quite hot on council tax aren't they

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 27/07/2013 12:47

They are a bit yeah. I got about 4 hours in last night and I think cut off for payroll was a week before payday this time so there's a couple of hours banked there as well. I'm sure it'll all work out money wise.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 27/07/2013 15:16

I hope so , nothing worse than not having enough money to pay what you have to. ,how many hours did you use to work before all this happened. ?

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 27/07/2013 17:54

30, on 5 days. So it's been quite a big drop in earnings.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 27/07/2013 23:20

Yes it is isn't it, will they be able to give you all your original shifts back. I hope so. Eventually things will settle down for you and things will sort themselves out.is your dad gonna stay with your nan full time now. ? And what about the cat ?

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 28/07/2013 13:30

I'm getting 3 longer shifts then 2 of my regular shifts. Baby shifts as we call them lol. Around the same time DP is moving to night shifts and will be on time and half so hopefully out savings will amount to more than 50p(not even kiddingHmm)

I've just been reading that bank of mum and dad thread and noticed how many people just a few decades ago lived with parents and in laws until they could buy a house. It's scary, because if we had done that..well it doesn't bear thinking about. It's so bizarre how things work out really.

After the funerals are done I think he's looking to move somewhere on his own, it's just a case of finding the right place. The cats will probably stay with us, I don't really want to unsettle them any more unless its really necessary.

They will have one weekend without me though as my friends mum has very kindly let us use her caravan at the seaside for a weekend for very cheap, so she's taking me away for a few days so I can regroup. I think it'll be very healthy for me and its good to have something to look forward to.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 28/07/2013 19:51

Yes what a horrible thought to think you may have been caught up in it too.it will do you a lot of good to get away for a few days after all the trauma. But I have to say. You have done extremely well in the circumstances. I would of crumbled
Will be better then when you and DP get to work the new hours. Hopefully then you will be able to sort yourselves out

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 28/07/2013 21:49

I have today over the past week I have crumbled a little more I think just because the funerals have started and we got the cat back and everything.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 28/07/2013 21:57

I think it's to be expected. But you don't have to be brave all the time. It's not possible. You will make yourself ill by keeping everything inside you. But maybe when the floodgates open it will give you some sort of release. I did that when my sis died, I had to be brave because my mum stated with us and I could not cry in front of her BUT ten months later I had to have 3 months off work with depression, then I could not stop crying , so do take care

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 28/07/2013 22:15

I'm trying to go with the flow as it were to whatever my mind fancies doing. So I do need to cry I can just go for it, I always feel a bit better afterwards.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 28/07/2013 22:20

Tears are meant to be healing so they say, don't know if that's true ! Are your friends still supporting you r has the support dropped off at all

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