Trinityrhinos Unspeakably Shit Stuff part two

[TrinityRhino]

Hi everyone
Thank you for so much help and such kind words x

I think that's yet another indication of what a great person you are, a lot of people would not be bothered about their responsibilities but just be feeling sorry for themselves.
I look at things like how you've kicked fags and booze out of your life and won't let them back even now. How you've kept up with day to day stuff, feeding everyone, having showers, walking the dog, cleaning the kitchen, organising your new bed, getting the girls back to school.
Plenty of people would have let all that slide, at least for a while.
Not sure how me saying this helps you really, and it just maybe puts pressure on you when we all keep saying how strong you are when you might feel like screaming that you don't want to be strong you just want to collapse.
Could you offload any responsibilty to anyone else? Even temporarily?

Trin -

Everything that BB&B said and more........ (not adding pressure btw lovely in my eyes, everything that you said above is right, it is step by step, day/hour/minute by minute) you are so supportive and lovely :) xx

Trin - you are going to feel the enormity of it all in the coming days because of what has to happen. You can't not go through what you have to, the funeral, and that, that is the final twist of the knife sweetheart, I promise. Having to say goodbye one last time, the pain will never be as intense again, it can't be. The reality is the last cry, scream, plead for it not to be so.....

I'm so so sorry for you and the girls, his family, his ex, LollyPup, everything and everyone who his life has touched..... I'm sorry sweets.

You have been here before, you've faced this cruelty, this shock, the burning, searing pain, the drowning loss, the fear, feeling that fear that you know only too well for all of the wrong reasons yet again and it's so very bloody wrong. I'm furious with the Powers That Be on your behalf.

If I could turn back time, I would, you would, to some point, we all would...... but we're not that fortunate. Life hasn't got that far yet.

So darling lady, in the meantime, keep posting, at the moments that you need to, random, emotional, raw posts, whatever you need to let out, that you don't want to share with the girls, put it here. Or do share it with them and still put it here. These threads are still memories of you and Cliff, your time together.

You are never alone, people on this thread are always here..... maybe no reading, but here, holding your hand.

Sleep well in your sanctuary lovely, I'll text you again tomorrow, see if you need anything food wise etc. Big hugs to each of you. I hope that you know just how much you are cared about here Trin xxxx

Night xx

I don't know you at all - but I keep reading & keep thinking of you & yours, Trinity.

I feel intrusive posting & I feel bad for ignoring...........

I am so please you have a lovely new bed for you all to snuggle up in. I hope you get some good sleep tonight.

Night Rhinos x

thankyou everyone
mouse you are too kind
thankyou everyone

I've nothing very useful to say, only that you are really doing amazingly, but you needn't feel you have to be amazing.
If keeping going helps, go for it. If collapsing and wailing is what you need, do that too.
Thinking of you and wishing you strength over the coming days.

Hey Trin. How areyou doing today?

I think dh gave my mobile number when he was there. Would you text me so I have yours?

Just been to Seaford to see my mum and her mad dog and we had freakin' hailstones!
You must have long lists of stuff to organise Trinity, but I hope you can relax a bit today as well

Mouse is right. I'm sure there's a ton of us just checking in, not posting each time, but just making sure you're ok.

You really are doing so very well.

oh trinity - im just back from holiday and saw your 1st thread :(

im so sorry to hear that your dp died

i couldnt believe it was you - words are not enough to say what i feel - just to say that im thinking of you and if anything i can do then please say

as you know I lost dh just over 2 years ago, so sadly i know how you are feeling - here if you want to talk

much love xxx

Trin. just checking in to see your're ok pet xxx
Much love and thoughts pet xx

Mouse says so beautifully what so many of us must be feeling.

I read your thread every day but don't post often because I have no idea what to say that could be of any help to you Trin, other than that I'm here, so many of us are here, and we can't help as such, we can't lessen your pain, but we're here like a legion of ghosts walking alongside you while you tread this awful road.

I wish I could lessen your pain. I have no idea how you must be feeling, but if it helps at all, I am here, wishing you comfort and sending you love xx

it really does help. I dont really know what to post. everything feels so weird and wrong.
life is carrying on but its not right.
its painful, scary, lonely, sad, weird
just damn right fucking wrong

and Im a tosser and didnt think about bedding
I have sheets on the way from ebay
and his ex has lent me a duvet cover for now
doh

the kids are doing ok back at school
dd1 has been awarded at keast 4 merits for her first year at secoundary school. we got the letter today about the award ceremony

shame its at exactly the same time as the funeral

Your not a tosser trin. Your grieving. Do not be hard on yourself lovely x

dd2 has not worn her bandana since cliff died

she says that she isnt goibg to oull her hair out because cliff was helping her to remember not to before he died and shes going to carry on not pulling to show him how clever she is

she also brought a lovely picture out of school she drew of her and cliff holding hands with hearts all over and I love you written on it. she asked me if we could roll it up and sellotape it so it could be put in the coffin so cliff had a telescope to see her from the stars the same as daddy.

You must be so proud of her x

DD2 sounds amazing Trinity.

You must be proud of them both, there lucky to have you.
What a nice thought of DD2's. Was cliff into the stars?

we did used to check out the stars and try and work out what constellations we could see when we walked the dog late but when thrir dad died I told them that he went up into the stars to watch over them. im not religious and was trying to find something for them to take comfort from. so now everyone who dies is up in the stars

she made, totally her own idea, a telescope for daddy the night before the funeral and dropped it in the grave

this time its a cremation but we can put things in the coffin
so she has made another one

Just popping by to give you a squeeze,Trin xxx

Trin - I am away to bed but will be back sweetheart.

Can you ask school to change the day of the awards at school for DD? Given the circumstances? Or at least change the day she gets hers? Maybe a class presentation for her?

When is the funeral? Sorry if you have posted the day already. xx

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY for DD2 and not pulling her hair out. Cliff taught her the same strength that he taught you - it's inside of you, you just have to believe that it is there, it can be found, it is holding your heart together right now.

DD2 can see that, she knows he is there, watching over her, checking that she is letting her hair grow again, like her love for you, for him, growing still........

I wish with all of my heart that you all could have a smoother ride over the next few days.

The very sad fact is that it's almost time to say another physical goodbye to a man who loved you for being you Trin, for picking yourself up, for stopping the hurt, the pain, the sorrow and the loss that you had faced with Neil.......

You are amazing. You are a hero to many on here who admire your strength and your raw honesty when those blows hit you so very hard. You don't hide Trin - you say it here, out loud. You say that you can't do it today. And, by doing so, we all stand strong around you and hold you tight.

That will never end, today, tomorrow, always. No-one forgot Neil, those on this and your first thread remember only too well the pain and the torment that you suffered...... having to tell the girls, having to get his things, having to face the actual reality of such a huge loss that wasn't a dream, nor someone else's life.........

Trin - I need to go but want to say so much more to you. Take solace in the words of those who care and post and lurk here wishing you nothing but calm and no more pain. NO MORE PAIN.

Night darling lady, sleep well in your sanctuary, as long as you are all together, in that one room, then you are safe, you are loved and you are all thought of every moment of every day.

Love to you all,

Mouse xxxx

You're most certainly not a tosser, you missed a detail, we all do that every day without the stress you've got. You got a new bed delivered less than 10 days after Cliff died.
You have two startlingly amazing daughters, they get that from you.
The telescope idea is heart-rendingly wonderful, and the idea that DD2 is turning this awful event into something positive for her, not hair pulling, is humbling.
It's amazing to witness children coming up with ways to deal with sadness.
My DD2 was 4 when my Grandad died, she was really fond of him, he was another gentle giant. She heard somewhere about a Japanese custom of writing messages to people who had died and setting fire to them so the message went "up" to the person in the smoke.
I have no religion either and we got a lot of comfort from burning little scraps of paper with drawings on that she and her brother and sister had done.

And I do feel that I want to post something, maybe not every time I check here, and it might be a bit of irrelevant nonsense, but otherwise you might not know I was here.
xxx