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Original poster

As we go through this painful journey together

985 replies

lavandes · 10/02/2013 21:24

As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

OP posts:
My5boysandme · 06/03/2013 22:45

I will probably mention it to the health visitor, they also had my date of birth wrong.

cafecito · 06/03/2013 23:49

sorry your dad's ill shabba

white so relieved to hear about your scan

5boys I went to a memorial thing at the hospital before christmas, looked in the book - and they had her name spelt wrong, her date of birth wrong... argh.. llike all she had left, and they had it all wrong -

shabbatheGreek · 07/03/2013 07:04

Morning girls xx

Thank you Cafe. My Dad is very poorly Sad

SaintVera · 07/03/2013 12:21

I'm so sorry to hear that your dad is so unwell Shabba xx

SaintVera · 07/03/2013 14:55

Thinking about the poor parents and family of Christina Edkins, aged 16, stabbed on her way to school in Birmingham today. What a terrible thing to happen

whiteandyellowiris · 07/03/2013 15:52

shabbs, did you see your dad today? so sorry to hear hes so poorlySad
huge hug (())

myfive good idea to mention it to the hv, i would too x

thanks for everyones kind wishes for the tiny bean, well seasame seed.

saint, thats terribleSad seems to be a lot of tv atm about murders and people going missing.

SaintVera · 07/03/2013 17:44

white, I think it got to me especially because she was sweet 16, the same age as my DS.

I forgot to give you my congratulations on the bean/seed...great news xx

whiteandyellowiris · 07/03/2013 18:07

yes i can understand that age makingit really get to you x

do you hear your ds name being called much in rl?

i often hear my ds son name being used by other people, say in the school playground or in the park or whereever, i'll here a child say to another child, come on x lets go up the slide, or a parent say come on x, time to go or whatever, and it just makes me freeze sometimes.
if that makes any sense?

cafecito · 07/03/2013 20:21

shabba, is he in hospital right now?

white- no, DD's name was quite rare but once recently, I was talking to a woman who had a DD with the exact same nickname as DD's and I said, oh that's a lovely name- and she said yes especially this nn - and it reeeallly got to me, had to fight back the urge to tell her about DD. I was reading a bulletin from the charity I support linked to DD- and there is one girl who had the same thing, who is now older as she survived, and has the exact same name as DD. She is also in a documentary about transplants, talking abut her treatment, and it was very weird.

But yeah if I heard it every day, it would really sting badly.

Saint- that is just shocking isn't it. I read it in the evening standard, aghast, on my way home - utterly senseless, horrific crime. To think, this time yesterday all was well. Sad

shabbatheGreek · 07/03/2013 20:35

No he is at home with my Mum. He told the hospital that he has a responsible adult to look after him.....except he fibbed to get out of hospital because my mum has Alzehimers. On Tuesday we will get the last result from the battery of tests they have done. I excpect it to say he has gum cancer. Sad Yesterday despite all this they went doing their 'big shop' at bloody Tesco's. My Dad is and always has been a strong, stubborn man.

We are all taking it in turns to go and see them each day. Theres me, my brother, nephew (and his family) and my eldest son. They refuse help but last weekend was horrifying. Dad had a major bleed from his gums. Rang the hospital and they told me how to stop the bleeding. My darling firstborn took the unenviable task of clearing up after his grandad.

Awful to see my parents so poorly x

cafecito · 07/03/2013 20:52

oh gosh how awful for you, it's that dreadful not knowing stage combines with being exhausted with it and constantly terrified they'll go downhill - h shabs. big hugs to you. gum cancer is very rare isn't it? are there any other symptoms? hope the results are conclusive and come in on time, at least there are family who could presumably help with mum if dad has to go in - he sounds like such a lovely man, Sad is he still quite strong in himself?

shabbatheGreek · 07/03/2013 21:23

I am no expert at all Cafe, and I dont know where it has started or where it is - all I know is that they did a biopsy in his gum and parts of his gum are breaking away. He first got ill when he had a tooth out about November last year. In the last two weeks he has lost almost 2 stone. He is shuffling like a very old man - yes he is almost 81 but in December he was strong and moaning about toothache. He is fading away in front of me and there is nothing at all they either can do or seem prepared to do. Everything hangs on the results on Tuesday - I want them to take him in hospital and try to take the awful pain away and make him comfy....but, no, lets send him home to my Mum who is fretting and worrying then forgetting why she is - this life is very, very cruel. Bad people walk around stealing the oxygen from precious babies and children who have died. God knows what its all about - and even if he did know I am not speaking to him.

whiteandyellowiris · 07/03/2013 21:36

oh shabbs, i am so sorry
your totally right bad people get away with shit all the time.

yet for us that try hard, life deals us a shitty shitty handSad
im so sorry

shabbatheGreek · 07/03/2013 21:42

Specialist at the hospital say it is because he is a heavy drinker. Since Matt was killed my Dad has drunk a lot of whisky. He drank it till he was almost unconcious for months after Matt died. I wish he hadn't but for a while I drank heavily as well. I couldn't stop him - it was his way of coping. He has never, ever got over losing his grandsons.....I think Matt had a special little place in his heart - he loved all of them but Matt and him were inseparable. So I now feel guilty, so guilty - so guilty that I couldn't keep my lads here. Yes, I also know that is ridiculous but its how I feel.

The reunion (when the time comes) between my sons and my Dad - and my precious Grandma Bella when she sees her 'little boy' again will be joyous for them - but I am dreading it. xx

whiteandyellowiris · 07/03/2013 21:45

oh no, dds just been in tears, shes been crying so much over the past few weeks.
and ive been concerned about her emotional wellbeing

shes just now told me, shes not invited to another childs at school birthday party because she cries all the time

i explained that you can't get invited to every party everytime, and even when your a grown up you don't and its something you get used to.

then she told me she was crying at school today over silly things, getting mud on her dress and someone else reading her fav school book.

im really really worried about her and i dont knwo what to do

Sad i'm going to try and talk to her teacher tomorrow, in private,suppose i will try and say have you got any concerns about her, how is she acting at school, has her behaviour changed

any other tips, i don't know what to do, i'm so so worried about her, so worried about the effects of everything on her

i just really want her to bo okSad

My5boysandme · 07/03/2013 21:50

Shabbath so sorry you are going through this difficult time. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man.

Life is very cruel indeed. All these bad people who get to live and genuinely good people get dealt a shit hand. We shouldn't live in a world where babies and children die Sad

whiteandyellowiris · 07/03/2013 21:51

oh shabbs, please please do not feel guilty.
i can totally understand the drinking the whisky, self medicating, doing what ever you need to, to get through that time.
i feel guilty too, like i'm the one whos let everyone down, didn't grow ds properly, and it's all my fault.
yet i know, this was the last thimg i ever ever wanted and would do anything to have ds here with us safe and well.

sometimes i wonder if everything we've been through makes any other problems and losses harder to handle because we are so raw to begin with

your love for your dad resonates through your posts
he is lucky to be so very loved

shabbatheGreek · 07/03/2013 21:55

Thank you everybody for your lovely words.

White......after our Matt was killed we took Danny to see a child Psychologist (sp???) she was truly wonderful. She talked to him once a week in private. If she felt there were any worrying things she would talk to us about them. He says now its the best thing that ever happened to him after he lost his brothers. We got a referral from our GP and it was the best thing we ever did for our Dannys emotional well being. xxx

whiteandyellowiris · 07/03/2013 22:02

do you think i should suggest that shabbs?

i just don't know what to do for the best, i really don't

i suppose most people think because ds wasn't here for long, ti them its like he didn't exist and they think dd should be ok

shabbatheGreek · 07/03/2013 22:20

It worked very well for us - and I cant see how it can hurt at all.

She may be worrying about a million things.....an expert in the psychology would be able to get her to talk about all kinds of things. Dannys doctor used to start off by asking him to draw how he felt - he says it saved him and made him realise he wasn't going crazy because thats how he felt after his brothers xx

He was about 10 when he went - but there were many more children in the waiting room that were much younger x

whiteandyellowiris · 07/03/2013 22:25

thanks shabbs, im going to talk to her teacher tomorrow and have a think about what to do

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 07/03/2013 23:16

shabba thinking of you, your lovely dad, and your wonderful mum tonight. He sounds like he has a heart of gold, especially with his love for your boys.

white think Shabba's advice is sound, it can't hurt if you can find a way for DD to speak to a professional. Btw, I am not sure if I told you that we have a special Mia iris which we are going to plant soon - your name reminded me of it.

MrMia, Mia's uncle and four lovely friends are running a half marathon on Mother's Day to raise money for Mia's Wood. The tops have arrived tonight, and we have had some baby grows printed up too. It broke my heart to see Finn wearing a picture of Mia over his heart. It hurt. I wish so much that he could meet his big sister...

chipmonkey · 07/03/2013 23:42

Oh, shabs, your poor lovely Dad!
And he probably wants to just be with your Mum, never mind how ill they both are.

cafecito · 08/03/2013 00:33

oh shabs I am so sorry Sad could be oral cancer I guess, could be an issue with his blood clotting though too (ie liver/ cellular level). oh how awful to see him like that. I saw my grandmother when she was dying from pancreatic cancer, but it was only a few months after DD had died, and I could just tell she was going- rapidly- I knew when she would die, but my entire family were oblivious. Biut yet I wasn't really 'there' for her, a. because I had to work in London and b. because I was all wrapped up in my new grief over DD that it was like water off a duck's back - oh another death, yeah whatever- style

terrible now I think back

white, I think that because of whathas happened, I don't feel more raw to begin with, I feel the opposite, I feel absolutely hardened. It makes my reactions very abnormal. But yeah, if someone close dies tomorrow I won't really blink. A lot of bad things have happened since DD died - and I don't really get affected at all - I tell myself ''it could be worse'' ie, nothing will EVER be as bad as losing your child - so I find everything else really a walk in the park in comparison no matter how awful it may be to a normal person. iyswim

mias It makes me sad that DS will never meet his big sister, too. Weird isn't it. Well done to the marathon runners though!! Wish I could get into running, I'd run for charity. But I can't even run for a train Blush am fit in other ways, but not running

white have you heard of winstons wish? guess so, but worth contacting them. also yes to psychologist.

shabbatheGreek · 08/03/2013 07:27

Morning girls xx

I have an apology to make to all of you. Im sorry for being so bloody depressing last night. At first, I thought to myself, Im not going to put it on this thread or the multiple births thread. Then I did!!! Thank you all for your kind words and support. Today is another day....onwards and upwards and all that crap.

xxx

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