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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

As we go through this painful journey together

985 replies

lavandes · 10/02/2013 21:24

As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

OP posts:
shabbatheGreek · 10/06/2013 20:24

They were going to put it in the staff room and didnt know how to contact us to ask if we would like it - we have moved house 3 times since Matts accident. Luckily a good friend 'from those days' works there and she brought it up for us tonight.

whiteandyellowiris · 10/06/2013 20:44

shabbs be nice to see a photo of it, it sounds lovely

only if you want to of course

are you going to put it up?

shabbatheGreek · 10/06/2013 20:59

Another friend did the most amazing portrait of Matt....it is so like him. We have that hung on the wall at the top of our stairs and we are going to put the print from school next to it. Will get my eldest lad to take a picture and put it on here asap.

shabbatheGreek · 10/06/2013 21:01

Matt loved Vincent Van Gogh Grin He used to say (will try to write it the way he spoke) 'I wuv dat Van Gogh....he was barking Mam, pwoper barking mad!!! He cut his ear off. I wuv him cause he was diffwent.'

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 10/06/2013 22:52

shabba emerging from jet lag and social whirl again, to read this happy resolution of the Sunflowers print, and your words from Matt. Such a wise young man. He has many fantastic phrases which can truly guide a life.

myfive I am also happy to be a tigermum for you alongside amazing (also secretly impressed with the idea of a tigermum bossy bra!) Your plans for Dexter's birthday sound lovely - and yes, so important for the whole family.

With regards to the "how many children?" question, I get it all out there straightaway if I am asked "I have two children, but my first child, Mia, died totally unexpectedly at the age of 13 months in October 2011. We miss her every day." But I don't volunteer the information - it's only in response to a direct question. As Finn moves into various activity groups, I am being asked this question quite a bit, so it's good to have something ready.

chip so relieved to hear that DS4 doesn't have anything seriously wrong with his optic nerve. Of course, it would be better if nothing was wrong at all, but I can imagine how your mind was racing with worry... I guess we all go to the worst case scenario now, and are grateful when it is not. Hmm. Not sure that this makes sense - probably still jet lagged!

Having a lovely time catching up with friends and family. Busy and tiring, but I am conscious that how much they all love me, and how helpless and distant they felt when Mia died. Tomorrow, my DM is having an afternoon tea to show off her grandson, and I want to thank all her friends for their support of her, but I also want to publicly thank both my DPs for their unconditional love for us - it can often be too easy not to say these important things, and take them for granted. I will probably cry, and so will they, but I do want them to know how very grateful I am, and somehow, saying this in front of their friends, makes it more meaningful.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 10/06/2013 22:53

shabba forgot to say, yep, that photo was me. Short red hair! Grin

shabbatheGreek · 10/06/2013 22:55

Oh I want your hair so much - its fantastic. I have 'hair envy!!'

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 10/06/2013 22:58

I was born with amazing copper curls... but sadly, today, I need a little (read : a lot!) of chemical enhancement, but I could never be any other colour!

shabbatheGreek · 10/06/2013 23:10

Grin Need to know about the what 'help' you use because it is a beautiful colour xx

amazingmumof6 · 10/06/2013 23:27

yes Mia, that's how I feel, I don't volunteer the info.

I have had weird looks and unkind words from people before, they thought I was bonkers for regarding a MC as my child, so I'm more careful who I share it with.
I can not bear when her brief existence is dismissed or my feelings are invalidated.
Her memory is just too precious, so I tell myself " don't throw your pearls in front of the swines.

I only share it with those who understand.Smile

shabba I'm so glad you had a better day than you thought!
it's a shame that they couldn't keep his work, but how brilliant that you were able to get it back!

amazingmumof6 · 10/06/2013 23:30

(*patent pending Grin)

shabbatheGreek · 11/06/2013 06:49

Morning girls xx

amazingmumof6 · 11/06/2013 07:49

morning everyone!

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 11/06/2013 12:53

Evening all!! (Other end of planet) Wink

whiteandyellowiris · 11/06/2013 13:22

just to confuse the mix, afternoon ladies

shabbatheGreek · 12/06/2013 08:04

Morning girls - grey, murky, morning here in Lancashire.

Tom has no GCSE exams today - which means a day off school!!! Dont expect to see him much before this afternoon he was on Skype to his friends in Greece until the early hours of this morning Hmm

mumof2teenboys · 12/06/2013 09:19

Morning all x

whiteandyellowiris · 12/06/2013 12:06

hi everyone, just got back fromt eh 20 weeks scan, all went well, all looks normal

shabbatheGreek · 12/06/2013 12:09

Thats brilliant - very pleased for you xx

whiteandyellowiris · 12/06/2013 12:11

thanks shabs, we are going to tell dd tonight, and it is another boy.

shabbatheGreek · 12/06/2013 12:29

Awwww I love little boys - girls are very scary Smile Girls know their own minds and boys just need their Mums (no matter how old they are) xxxx Im glad you are telling DD. xx

amazingmumof6 · 12/06/2013 12:57

aww, a baby brother - so sweet!

I bet she'll be delighted!

lots of kisses, glad it went well!

Tina2003 · 12/06/2013 18:48

I feel so lost and sad all the time. Lost a very beautiful little girl I was a carer for. I didn't expect her to go so soon, and now I don't know what to do. Don't have anyone to talk to about it, I guess just thought if I wrote it here will help.

amazingmumof6 · 12/06/2013 19:24

oh tina so sorry to hear about your loss!Sad
tell us about her!

cafecito · 12/06/2013 19:50

Hello everyone. I haven't been here for a looong time, but today I have had a great big dose of 'older grief' as shabs would put it it has bit me on the bum

staring out the window of the library and it's pouring with rain, haven't been attending my lectures recently can't face anyone and burst into tears randomly. I have the biggest exams of my life coming up in just over a week (medicine) and feel completely unprepared. but really I still haven't been able to work out that DD dying is a reality, it seems like a fabrication in my memory
it has really been affecting my relationship with DC2. just thought I'd lurk a bit and Sad sometimes I can't believe it happened and wonder if I am completely nuts. Sometimes I have really awful nightmares about her but now they are extending to really awful nightmares about DS too and I am not sure what to do about it all. My counsellor is utterly useless, have not seen her for some months as always felt worse afterwards. big sigh,

sorry to not offer words of wisdom to anyone!

x

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