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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

As we go through this painful journey together

985 replies

lavandes · 10/02/2013 21:24

As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

OP posts:
2old2beamum · 14/05/2013 21:54

Mumof2teenageboys I feel your pain but I would like to say having lost 3 precious children the pain is unbearable. But now all I have left is the pain. If I didn't have the pain does it mean I didn't love them.
I now embrace the pain without it they would not exist in my heart.
This has been clumsily written hope you understand.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 14/05/2013 22:19

Dear mumof2, please listen to the sensible advice here. It's a brave step to say you are not coping - and possibly the hardest one too. I would also suggest that if you don't feel 100% comfortable with your GP's attitude, do find someone else who can truly help you.

And a huge thank you to the big-hearted MOS for your charity work in honour of Benedict and his lovely family and all our children. It's these acts of kindness which always amaze me.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 16/05/2013 06:42

mumof2 have you seen your GP? How did it go?

shabs how are your parents this week?

shabbatheGreek · 16/05/2013 08:19

Morning girls xx

My parents seem 'OK' - 'getting on with it' I think most people would say. Dad is still playing truant from the hospice every Tuesday - says its boring!!! Thank you for asking xx

mumof2teenboys · 16/05/2013 08:23

I haven't been yet, can't bring myself to make the appointment Blush

I feel that going to see the GP makes it real. That everyone will know that I'm not coping. I just want to hide atm.

shabbatheGreek · 16/05/2013 10:06

I eventually went to the GP and asked could I see a psychiatrist (sp??) It was many years after Matt. It took about 3 months for the appointment to come through......I went to the appointment and it was a woman and she was so sympathetic and 'hand stroking' that I just told her I was OK and never went again.

MASSIVE MISTAKE!!! Nobody excepts you to be coping sweetheart. BUT sadly I learnt that if you dont tell your GP he will not ever, never give it a second thought or contact you and ask how you are. You are a bereaved Mummy - its a 'job' I never thought I would have but I have. The strongest thing is to ask for help. It takes guts and strength to ask...and I know you can do it. xxx

I truly, honestly wish I had done it after Gareth died 31 years ago - please try to go xxxx

chipmonkey · 16/05/2013 23:19

I do think that a lot of us have this "I'm fine!" mentality and feel it's a sign of weakness if we collapse. It isn't. If you had a pain in your foot and ignored it for months, that would be foolish. It should be the same with a pain in your psyche!

An old friend called into the practice today to ask if I'd had a boy or a girl when I had Sylvie-Rose.
It was so sad and awkward. First of all, because we hadn't contacted them when she died. Not because we didn't want to but because we had lost his mobile number, had never had hers and the only number we had for the, the landline was one they had had disconnected. They were friends we had known for years but didn't see often, if you know what I mean and even though we occasionally passed their house, the longer we had left it, the more difficult it became to go in and tell them.

But I'm glad now, that they know. She said they will come up and see us and bring wine and talk.

shabbatheGreek · 17/05/2013 06:06

Morning girls xx

chipmonkey · 17/05/2013 22:54

Good evening!Grin

shabbatheGreek · 18/05/2013 08:54

Morning girls xx

A grey, 'still' day here - wish we could get some warm sunshine xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 18/05/2013 14:40

Morning all. Grey here too. Hmm

I went to the official launch of the Mothers Instinct website, the date of what should be little Jasmine's 4th birthday, the daughter of the founders. A case study of the work I've been doing with our hospital will soon appear there too. We hope that it will become a "go-to" website for both parents and medical professionals. There was much talk, cupcakes, fireworks, and of course, tears when the balloons were released... But it is a fitting tribute to honour our children.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 18/05/2013 16:38

I forgot to say that as the balloon was released, we heard the beautiful song of a blackbird. Mia's blackbird.

shabbatheGreek · 19/05/2013 09:45

Morning girls xx

whiteandyellowiris · 19/05/2013 12:25

hi everyone,
i know this sounds a bit odd, but ccrows keep worrying me, its like everytime i see one, i worry somethign bads going to happen,
last night as i went to bed, about 830pm, i heard that horrible crow crow
i looked out the window and there was a crow on the house at the bottom of our garden staring right in at me.

they just really scare me

chipmonkey · 19/05/2013 19:02

white, I think that crows can seem ominous and it's easy to be creeped out by them. But they are just birds, not harbingers of doom. I think that when you have experienced the very worst thing a parent can experience, that you really feel like you will never have any luck again but really we are no more likely to have bad luck than anyone else. Unfortunately neither are we more likely to experience good luck!

shabba, I had a terrible dream! I dreamt that I logged onto facebook and you know the section where it says "X accepted your friend request" or "You have 1 new invitation", it said "You have one new enemy" and when I clicked on it, my new "enemy" was you! And I woke up so upset, wondering what I had done to upset you! And had to go to facebook to make sure we were still friends there!Grin Dreams can be so weird!

shabbatheGreek · 19/05/2013 19:11

LOL Awwww Grin how weird!!

I must admit this week I blocked my 'darling' SIL off facebook. DH's sister. She kept putting status' on about people on benefits...blardy, blardy, blah!! Loads of people who know me but not her were shocked by some of the stuff - she didn't have the courage to name me but they all knew who she was talking about. Its hysterical really - she is coming up to 50!! Ah well.

White - I get what you mean about crows - they are a bit scary. x

AlwaysWashing · 19/05/2013 19:26

Flowers You're all so bloody brave & you have my upmost admiration, I can't imagine how you get through a single day. Even thinking about losing either if my darling boys has me here in tears.

Original poster
lavandes · 19/05/2013 20:12

Hi ladies xx

I have always been a dreamer. When I was a child I used to have terrible nightmares which started when I had mumps. Since Richard died |I have had some significant dreams when I feel he has 'come to me', but I have not had nightmares. Weird I know but that is how it has been. xx

OP posts:
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 19/05/2013 22:13

white I have a thing about magpies. I always see them in our garden, and I know that here (unlike where I grew up) there is some sort of saying about seeing different numbers of them which means different things. I deliberately try not to remember the saying, as I am sure that there is a part which says "xx for sorrow" and I am always convinced I only ever see this particular number...

chip that is quite weird. Are you on FB too much, and your brain is trying to tell you to wean yourself off?!?

chipmonkey · 19/05/2013 22:48

I don't think Sylvie-Rose has come to me in a dream since the very early days and I so wish she would.

Mias, my Mum is very superstitious and totally believes that magpie rhyme amongst other things. Once, my Dad planted a whitethorn tree in our garden and my Mum went mad at him because a lone whitethorn is bad luck, apparently. So Dad planted a second whitethorn beside the first one but unfortunately the second one died, which I think confirmed Mum's belief that they are Bad Luck!

I don't think I'm on FB too much any more. I have cut down a lot. Sometimes I log on and realise that the last thing I posted is a few days old. But I suppose, I had been feeling a bit insecure. Dh and I a probably a bit more reclusive than we used to be since Sylvie-Rose died and I am worried about losing touch with friends. I had in particular been thinking of some friends that I haven't seen in ages because we don't have the enthusiasm for inviting people over that we used to. Still, I had no reason to worry over shabs becoming an enemy!Grin

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 19/05/2013 23:39

Yes, I haven't seen Mia in my dreams for months either. Sad

I know what you mean about losing touch with friends. I am better than I was, but I don't naturally call people up spontaneously for a chat anymore, and there are friends I haven't seen since before Mia died. I also now consider what social events I chose to attend, particularly if I won't know many people - I just don't want to explain my life to random folk... and the new friends I have made are because of Mia - other bereaved parents or people somehow related to Mia's Wood.

shabbatheGreek · 20/05/2013 06:56

Morning girls xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 20/05/2013 14:47

Afternoon Shabba. Just popped over to Mia's Wood - all the trees seem to be growing well, which us exciting, but so are the nettles and weeds, so we will need a bit of a working party to come and clear around our little trees. I'm hoping to plant up a bee-friendly wildflower meadow, but right now, they would be subsumed by the evil stingy, prickly things!

whiteandyellowiris · 20/05/2013 15:24

oh no, feel really guilty today
dd was invited on playdate, with two other kids

the mum seem nice, i think she might be on the shy side, ive not really talked to her much during the time they have been at school
and i think she might be trying to make friends
she one of those people you can't quite figure out of they are shy or a just a bit stand offish
but i think it might be just shy

anyway
she invited my dd and a friends dd to hers to play with her dd
3 girls in total
and my friend said she wasnt going along, and and she was just going to collect her dd at x oclock and do i want my dd collecting

sorry im droning on

so then i text playdate mum to say x is collecting both girls and the playdate mum seemed disapointed as she was thinking i was coming too
but that it was ok if i thought dd would be ok

ah feel bad now
i think shes just trying to get to know others and make friends

but sometimes i do not have the emotional energy to make small talk with people i dont really know
and then theres always the questions that come up when getting to know someone, such as do you work? are you hoping for more children etc?
i just can't cope with it
and now i feel horrble too

whiteandyellowiris · 20/05/2013 15:26

miasmummy, will you be growing blue bells? i think they look amazing in woodland areas

i find magpies a but scarey too, but not as bad as crows

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