As we go through this painful journey together

[lavandes]

As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

i suppose my heads screaming, of course i'm not as lucky, lucky ffs....
and of course its not a great day for me ......

and i find the showing off of gifts a bit insensitive tbh

Today is so hard, it's my 1st mothers day with and without Dexter.

My husband took the boys out shopping yesterday for gifts(he has NEVER done this) and the ous made a big fuss this morning, which is lovely, but it's otter sweet indeed. I'd rather have a cuddle from all 5 of my boys rather than any other gift, but I can't.

Going to my mums for lunch, this is the 1st mothers day since boh my grans have died so oing to be a quiet affair with no fuss.

Love to all you wonderful mums (((hugs)))

Hi everyone .. for some of you this is your first mothers day without your darling child. I remember that day alll too clearly .. I didnt get out my pj's I didnt go and see my mum or anything.. I stayed in and wept till I couldnt breathe...

I still shed a tears on mothers day but now I do it quietly where no one else can see because you see I have a beautiful boy and I am supposed to rejoice in him

I do rejoice in him of course...he is very special ... god love him he made rice cripsies and orange juice and a homemade card and woke me up with them all on a tray this morning

So today I wept tears of joy and happiness... I have one wish for you all this mothers day .. that you may one day cry tears of joy as well as sadness on this most poignant of days

Have spent since last night at our local hospital with my Dad.....they think he has had a mini stroke. Speech and everything totally back to normal now and CT scan is clear. They are keeping him in for another night under observation. I am so far beyond tired it is a joke!!

Last night in the middle of A & E the male nurse came in. Lovely man with kind, gentle eyes. He explained he would be looking after my Dad and left the room - he rushed back in and said 'I am so sorry I never introduced myself....my name is MATT!!! Nobody else in that room realised the enormity of that one little name - I smiled and looked up at him and said 'thank you.' xxxxx

I hope this day is treating you all kindly. I have re-lit my beautiful vanilla candles to honour all of our precious children AND all of us. xxx

shabbs not suprised your so tired, oh i can see why hearing the name matt felt so powerful, esp in that situation.
bet i was a heart pounding moment for sure

Hi ladies x

Lots of love to you and your family Shabs.

Please can we all spare a thought for my workmate, a lovely lady only in her early forties, she has had a massive stroke after being sent home from hospital twice in the last 2 weeks being told there was 'nothing wrong'. She is fighting for her life. I feel such sadness for her Mum and Dad who lost her sister 2 months after we lost Richard. Their fear must be so great. So so sad

Oh my word Lavandes - so sorry - had my candles burning brightly all day - they were just finishing but I will put a new one out for your friend. So sad. I hope she makes a full recovery xxxxx

Thanks Shabs it is so sad, her Mum and Dad have been through so much as we all know, her Mum has not even started to come to terms with the death of her other daughter, it was very complicated. Her Dad found her dead in her flat. It is all tragic and there is nothing we can do but hope for the best. xx

Thinking of shabba and her lovely dad, as he is looked after by Matt. Do get some sleep, lovely lady. And thinking of lavandes' friend. I do struggle when friends suffer... surely all the pain and loss we have experience is enough to provide immunity for those around us? Don't we deserve that, at the very least??

For us, a wonderful day with friends running and cheering for Mia, but coming down hard now. I miss my girl. Pure and simple.

Afternoon girls xx

That crafty bugger of a Dad of mine Went up to see him last night and he made me bring home everything except his clothes. 'Take them all home love and then I will tell them I cant stay Monday night because I have no toiletries or anything!!!' Not sure it works that way Dad but I was pleased to join in with his plans. I love a rebel!!

Now my Mum is ringing me about every 5 minutes...'Ring the hospital again love, tell them I want my hubby home!!' Just rang and they said he is having his lunch before they even think about discharging him. I am thinking of hiding in a cupboard somewhere away from everything and everybody!!

shabba I love that your Dad loves your Mum so much that he just wants to be home with her ; and that she loves him so much that she is driving you crazy asking when he will be back. Very special.

mias mummy are these the mia iris' they are very beautiful

shabs your dad sound like great fun xx
no wonder hes so loved

well i had an appointment today with dds teacher
he said he has no concerns about her at all, i ask if she was withdrawn, he said no, i asked if she was having any friendship problems he said no
he said shes always smiling and laughing
but she had been a bit tearful in the afternoons last week. but nothing that concerned him
and that he thought it might be tiredness, i explained shes had quite a few nightmares over the past couple of month and thats been disturbing her sleep

he seems like a really nice guy, i'm glad shes in is care, he seems quite paternal

he sais shes doing well with reading, spelling and maths, but i wasn't worried about that, although suppose its good her school works not suffering.

shes actually been ok this weekend

its parents eve in a few weeks so i said i would like an update then as to her emotional wellbeing

he seemed really nice about it all

hi everyone

shabbs hows your dad today?

The doctor told my Dad today that he has a very aggresive form of cancer that is untreatable. It has spread from his jaw bone into his brain. He came out from seeing the doctor with my brother (me and mum were not allowed in according to Dad) and said 'bloody hell thats a shock.' My Mum turned into a shivering, trembling wreck. He has to stay in hospital for a couple of days and then, because we have insisted him and Mum are going home. They are getting help from McMillan nurses and a district nurse for mum. I hope and pray, with all my heart, that they go together, in their sleep, with their arms around each other. Very, very horrible day. My Dad said...'Eh love dont be sad, you have a broken heart because of your boys dying....this is normal love we are old, they had no life xxxx

oh shabba i am so so sorry to hear that about your wonderful dad.
how amazing of your dad to say 'Eh love dont be sad, you have a broken heart because of your boys dying....this is normal love we are old, they had no life xxxx
he is clearly an oustounding amazing hero.

i wish i could give you a real hug.

he is so so loved

sounds like you already have a plan what with the mcmillian nurses i'm glad that he will be able to come home.

wish i had some wise words but ijust have my heartfely sympathy xxx

oh shabba. No pin-on smiles tonight. Just love for you all. Can you tell your dad from me that he is truly amazing? xx

Oh Shabbath, I'm so very sorry (((hugs))) and strength to you xxx

We took him half a dozen whisky minatures tonight to the hospital....sneaked them in like bloody burglars!!!! To be honest after Matt was killed his drinking was excessive and I think that has been part of this problem. When we were driving back from the hospital my brother said 'Just nipping in the off licence Dad' - when he went in he texted me and said 'I know its wrong but what do you think about this plan?' I agreed with him. The look on Dads face when we were sneaking the bottles in was hysterical.

Who cares? To be a rebel for the last part of your life is important. I hope he has supped all 6 tonight and is pissed as a fart. The sight of his grandsons - Danny (31 years old) my nephew Nathan (25 years old) and my Tom (15 years old) teasing their Grandad and making him laugh is priceless.

shabs, I think you were dead right! A few drinks can't make anything better but they sure as hell can't make anything worse and at least he'll have enjoyed them!
Your Dad sounds so lovely xxxx

That was our thoughts as well Chip....I hope he is causing havoc in the ward LOL - IF they ring me and say he is I will go and get him myself (hospital is about 10 minutes walk) - I will get him and we will escape from that bloody ward. I will bring him home and we will get pissed together!! My language is not good tonight - sorry my friends xx

Much love to you and your family Shabbs

Thank you all for your support and lovely words - they mean a lot and it is appreciated. Mum needs to be in her own home because of her Alzheimers - she cannot help keep asking the same questions but it is so exhausting for her and me. She checks through her handbag all the time but she doesn't know what she is looking for. OK - chin up and smile pinned on........another day in paradise!!

Shabbs, I don't know what to say except all my love to you and your funny, brave, amazing dad. I am thinking of you all. You have been such a support to me over the last 8 months. you are a truly amazing woman. Don't pin that smile on if you don't want to. Cry, rage and scream if you need to.