my husband is critically ill, i am terrified

[lemontruffles]

My husband has severe copd (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) and yesterday had a severe exacerbation. This means he couldn't breathe properly and is now in hospital.

He is on a ventilator, and not responding well to this treatment after about 40 hours on the ventilator. I am utterly terrified.

I've come home to try to sleep, but can't.

He is only 61. He is terrified too. I simply can't think straight and am in a new and appalling world where nothing is right and everything is terrifying. I can't stop shaking with fear. Please hold my hand.

It is a great lifeline to be able to write here, especially during the early hours because I still can't sleep, and its hard to keep myself together in that lonely time.

www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_relief_meditation_yoga_relaxation.htm

Please do keep writing, lemontruffles. There are many people on this site who've been where you are now, and I hope in a small way it will make you feel less alone.

I'm glad to know you are getting real-life support, please do let people do what they can for you.

Look after yourself, take one day/afternoon/hour at a time; make sure you get nourishing food
we're all thinking of you

There will always be someone here to listen.

Lemo - the second paragraph of your 13.45 post is a beautiful elegy for your man. Please get somebody to read that for you at his funeral or read it yourself if you can. I know I couldn't do it but you may. But use it. It's a wonderful tribute.

So very sorry lemon.

Your DH sounds like a wonderful man.x

You write with such love about him and he sounds like a wonderful, wonderful man. My love and deepest sympathy for your terrible loss. I wish you strength for the coming days - be gentle with yourself.

Thinking of you, LemonTruffles. I do hope you manage to get some sleep. Even though I know you dread waking you do need it. I'm glad your family are there to support you, we are all here too. Tell us as much as you can / want to, and I sincerely hope it brings you some comfort.

So sorry xx

Oh Lemon I am so very sorry.

I am so sorry to hear your news Lemon. You write beautifully about your husband and he sounds like an amazing man. Thinking of you xxx

I'm still reading and sending you a hug.

You do write beautifully and as others have said, your love for your husband shines through your words.

I hope that you are able to get some rest x

Yes - still here and still reading and thinking of you.

Another faceless stranger sending you love.

Your husband sounds like a fantastic man, one that has gone too soon and will be sorely missed by lots of people.

Lots of good advice on this thread, I have no practical advice to offer but am able to offer another ear to listen and shoulder to lean on.

Xxxx

Is it normal to feel very disconnected from everything around you, then suddenly be completely totally drowning in pain?

Also, I can't accept that my husband has actually died because I cannot in any way whatsoever equate him with death. There is a vast gulf between reality and the inside of my head.

If I sit very, very carefully in 'his' room in our house (our dining room) surrounded by his normal things, I can very, very careful try to keep some control and keep myself away from the maelstrom for a while. I am terrified of losing my emotional footing because the pain is agony.

I simply can't believe this is happening.

I think that's very normal. A terrible thing has happened to you and it's ripples will be felt for the rest of your life. Of course it doesn't feel 'real'. How you feel is the way your consciousness is working through this.

It's like a long thin bridge - you're going to edge along it - you know exactly where you're going but you've got to go slow because the bridge is too thin and fragile to go quick. As you go along you'll see more and more of what's around you and you'll get used to the way you're edging along but you can't go quick and you can't take a short cut.
Can I offer you a ?

so sorry lemon thinking of you.

My heartfelt sympathies go out to you lemon.

I'm a little further down the terrible road of grief, and I would say to take each second at a time. Put no pressure on yourself, just go with however you feel in the moment. It's can feel hard to have no control over our feelings but I found once I just went with them and accepted them, it was slightly easier.

Sorry, that probably doesn't even make sense. I wish I could help you. Sending you love and strength x

Another night with only 2 hours of sleep. I'm lying here trying to accept the maelstrom, trying to let waves of thoughts and feelings crash around me and through me without drowning completely. It's unbelievably exhausting and dark and lonely. Where am I going to find the emotional and physical strength to survive this? I have to, I have 3 children, they need me now more than ever before. How can I help them get through this when I'm being swept away myself?

These are dark bleak hours.

Thank you for being here to listen to me and support me.

I am awake, here,and holding your hand @lemon. I think the small hours are the darkest, the time when there is not much between you and your thoughts, but the depth and distance these can travel when the world sleeps seem further than daylight hours.

Your DH sounds like an amazing man, your love for him shines through. You will get through this, take each day one moment at a time. Go with your feelings, however hard this may seem, and the numbness is nothing to be frightened of, it is all part of the process. can you hold your children close?

Wishing love and strength for you at this difficult time.

Lemon, this is the least we can do. Your despair is palpable and I feel so very sad for you.

All I can say - having had some pretty dark times myself, is that from somewhere, it will come. The strength you don't want to need, the presence of mind to continue being an amazing mum to your children. You may be on autopilot but it will, somehow fall into place.

Hang in there. Count every hour as one that has passed. I wish I could do something practical or offer some shred of advice which would help.

I know it must be unbearable and I just can't imagine what you are going through. You will survive and at the moment just breathe while your mind tries to comprehend and process what has happened.

Thinking of you xxx