Thank you for all the practical advice and guidance you are giving me. I'm slowly starting to try to make a list of paperwork things that need to be done though its so hard to plan anything because this morning I can't seem to think at all, let alone organise and plan things.
My husband was an extraordinary man. He was full of imagination and he loved going off into great flights of fancy: he loved loved telling huge shaggy dog stories, just to amuse and entertain himself.
He was amazingly wise about other people. He was very non judgmental and exuded a heartfelt warmth to everyone around him. Other people loved him deeply. He never ever accepted any bullshit from anyone.
He was extremely physically and mentally adventurous, full of energy and zest. He was amazingly beautiful.
The last two years have been terrible. He has gradually become more and more physically disabled, and restricted by his illness. During this time he became fearful for the first time in his life. He changed from being fearless to fearful. But he continued doing everything he could to protect us, to love us, to never burden us with his fears.
He was a welshman through and through, and loved the countryside passionately. He loved walking, and we walked and walked together, in intimate silence, for many miles and many years. Then later we'd go to the pub, have a couple of drinks, and his happiness would flow out all around us, his sheer delight and joy about our walks,our lives together, us, everything alive in this world we live in.
When he was ill, and couldnt walk any more because his lungs were too damaged, he sat at home at watched birds flying, he loved crows because he said they were cheeky.
It's lovely to tell you a bit about him.
I am so heartbroken because how can I carry on without the man that I dream with, and walk with, and hold so tight. He never wanted to let me go, he fought for us to the very end, I am bereft beyond words.