Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

[mummylin2495]

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

Hi everyone

waiting i was blessing you doing the memory box, although if chinning helps (i know it would me with a few people) then bless us!

And thanks Waiting, was one of them days, had to give myself a serious kick up the backside before the cyclone got me again! Here for you too anytime too.

The what ifs are awful and i have to shut off a lot from them, my rl friends have been great, but its so hard as she wasnt ill barring a cough and bad cold so I still cant believe it on and off I think.

Hope everyone is not doing too bad. Busy looking for work here as my contract finished before christmas.

Thinking of everyone xx

hehe :) That made me laugh, glad it did you aswell. I think people dont know what to say so say the first thing they can think of which sometimes isnt always the best thing. Hope your doing okay now. We still havent heard about the inquest and the what ifs are really bugging me too.

just a quick post from my old pc . thinking of you all but wont be using new one anytime soon.i bloody hate it and already things have gone to pot !! my brother has suggested i get a shop to take of windows 8 and have xp installed on new one which i am just about to phone and ask if its possible.Not doing a lot for my temper.have you ever wanted to kick an inaminate thing !!! Not been doing too bad last few days ,but i have been very busy so has kep my mind occupied.happier days are ahead for us all , i just dont know when though xx

I'm definitely finding comfort in reading your posts, so thank you all.

Maybeyoushoulddrive - I am totally with you there re worrying about how our children will cope when it's our time to go. I have been thinking about that a lot and vehemently hoping they find kind and loving partners who will give them all the support they need. Knowing how I feel about no longer having a safety net, I can't bear to think of them not having one.
I found this Walter Scott quote which I like a lot -
?Love rules the court, the camp, the grove, and men below, and the saints above, for love is heaven, and heaven is love. ?
I'm feeling that I still have mum's love even though she's no longer here, because love will always remain.
I had a better day today, a bit more eloquent in today's meeting I think! I'm also trying to make sure each weekend that we do something nice and that weekend family time is not completely eaten up with chores, errands and cooking. I hope you all have a good few days. x

honey, I feel the same, lost without a safety net...I'm glad you feel you still have your mums love, this is a nice feeling to have...and I'm glad you had a better day

here's to better days for all of us xxx

Today is one year since my lovely mum died. I honestly don't know where the year has gone, how can it be a year since we last saw her?
We are going to the crem later to lay some flowers. I'm feeling very down, I struggled to get to sleep last night, just going over and over things in my head.
Love you always mum xx

Oh Biscuits thinking of you today, i am not looking forward to that day in april or any part of april i just want to hibernate. Do something today that you know your mum would have loved you to do for yourself or what food she liked to eat with you and light a candle for her hun. My mum her signicture was either a steak meal or fish and chips, we had it on her birthday in memory last year, so were going to do the same on her anniversary.

sending you hugs xx

Honey - Thats nice you feel the your mums love, i also feel this too and I strongly believe she is around me and still is my mum but not in the physical sense which I have to deal with which is very hard, but the comfort of believing she is with me is a comfort.

wating - Will you have to wait much longer with the inquest? The what ifs for me I have gone over and over and really we couldnt have done anything more different, now my dad could have maybe pushed her on some things, but she only literely had a cough and bad back, now I did say to my dad for her to have a pump possibly to help her with her cough but he was like oh she doesnt need one of them, but in his defense i guess he didnt need too as nothing was in our face wrong with her. Oh well, i guess I just shut it out the best i can, not easy at times though.

ssd -Hope today is going better for you and here if you need me.

mummylin - Hope you get your computer sorted out were here anytime. Hope your ok and think of you even when you cant get here.

Hope everyone who is on this thread or just reading are going along their day ok. Thinking of you all and hug if needed x

hello !!! first post from new comp ,page is not quite right and I cant sort out the email at all, but at least I can post. But I still have old one to fall back on.! biscuits thinking of you today. Its all so very sad isn't it. Wow I just found out I have a spell check on here ! My mum would be thinking im quite clever to even get this far.But she would also know how cross I get when I cant do what I want to do. I have inherited a lot from her, but not her more placid nature, I tend to fly off the handle and if im honest two days ago I could of kicked this new comp out of the window. Poor dh thought he was doing something nice for me but I hate hate hate it .thinking of you all in your sadness and I am glad that I can at least keep in touch xx

Well done mummylin! Keep with it - you may find you like it as you get used to it's possibilities. I don't think that I'm very like Mum at all - more like my Dad in fact

Now back to using my old one .I have had to wipe everything off other one as i just cant get it right,even with the book my brother bought me.Given up for now.will try again another time. Hope you are all dpoing ok on this miserable weekend .I want to go to the cemetery tomorrow to take mum some new flowers but if its like today it will be teeming with rain,but i will still go.I feel she will know if i dont put new flowers somehow.And also i made my promise to look after my sisters so i have got to do that rain or not.take care all x

Hello everyone. I have been thinking of you all - sorry to see we have new posters but welcome to you too.

Just wanted to say I had one of those odd but warm moments (big moment) this week. My car broke down on Tuesday and the garage said it would cost over £500. I decided it finally wasn't worth spending more and decided to trade it in. So manic week of finding a different car and then I went for the cheque on Friday. I've been waiting for months for mum's estate to be sorted with the probate taking forever. Anyway I said to the cashier as she printed the cheque "Can you just check if my mum's money has been transferred?" She said it had JUST come through. I immediately thought good on you Mum! She'd have definitely wanted her cash to pay for my car that gives me my independence. It was definitely fate. Just felt so right. We'd been saying all November and December it's so long..... then it really did arrive at just the right time.

I'm going to put my mum's poems together to make a book in her memory. That is going to be my creative project this year.

Thank you t875, mummylin and maybeyoushoulddrive for your thoughts on Friday. The day wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Fridays are one of the days I work so I was glad to be busy.
t875 I took your advice and lit a candle for mum in a gorgeous angel tea light holder someone brought for me, thanks for the idea. We were going to take my dad out for a drink but he wasn't feeling up to it, so we went round to him instead and spent the evening there.

Galaxymum, that's great you got your car sorted, and the money arriving just on time is one of those signs that your mum is still there for you. Good luck with the book

mummylin- hope you made it to the cemetery yesterday without getting wet.

Take care everyone xxx

yes i did make it to the crem and it was a lovely sunny day ,but cold.Felt very sad for an unknown family who have had their loved ones grave dug right in front of my mums. I am not happy with my dh at all at the moment so we had a row lat night and lots of things were said,including how i felt i didnt get the support i needed after my mums death,he said that i cant be sad forever and have to move on.that shows how he has no idea how grief stricken i was and how upset i still am.He is not in my good books at all today !

mummylin - sorry to hear you and your DH fell out. I find myself having to bite my tongue a bit more these days. Has your DH lost either of his parents? I guess it is impossible to really understand unless you are sadly in the same position. And of course every person's grief is different. Don't feel pressured to "get over it". Try not to fall out with him as that will only make you feel even more miserable and lonely. Maybe try and explain that you probably won't ever "get over it" but you are trying to find a way to live with it. My siblings seem to have moved on already but I am a very different character to them.

We all need to take good care of ourselves and be happy when we have good days, or at least a day where we don't cry...much. Every time I cry my DH asks me "what's wrong"? - it's weird but he genuinely doesn't know. I feel like shouting "why the hell do you think I'm crying???" but it would cause a row and I don't want that. So each time I just bite my tongue and tell him that I feel really sad and just leave it at that. He says "oh...yes" like he'd kind of forgotten there is a reason....

My DD had some good news this week which I so desperately wanted to share with mum. And I had to stop myself buying her something in a shop which I knew she'd love, I went to pick it up with an "oh mum would love this...." (sigh).

Hugs to all of you - I hope the weather doesn't cause you problems or thwart your plans this week.

hi again girls

its interesting to read how our partners can be, I'm finding others reactions or rather lack of them to be upsetting, I mean how others seem to forget we've lost our parents and mention things that really upset us

a woman I work with today was telling me about how her MIL is in hospital and how upset her dh is..now I'm very sympathetic to anyone in hospital, but this woman kept going on about how upset her dh is to see his mum in hospital for the first time, how hard it is for him...the woman and her dh are older than me and dh, both still have their parents, both dh and I have now lost ours...she was saying stuff like "its so upsetting to realize your mum can get ill one day", eventually I couldn't help myself I said, "can you imagine how hard it is to see your mum dead, and your dad dead 14 years before", I couldn't help it, she just said "mm" then kept on about how her MIL is....she is a nice enough woman, but very self absorbed, she manages to upset me most days I work with her, she just has no empathy to anything she hasn't experienced

I feel very out of time with others my age, most everyone I know has 2 parents or at least one parent alive, having none makes me feel an oddball, I feel no one I speak to gets the bereft feeling I carry about all the time, I cared for my mum for years as she was elderly then seen her pass away, same as my dad 14 years ago, whereas everyone I know still has parents alive and involved, not even at the elderly stage my mum was at for years before she died

sorry for the moan, but if I don't moan here I try to tell dh and we end up falling out like mummylin and her dh, as usually he doesn't get it either

Dh has lost both his parents and to be honest once the funerals were over , he just carried on as normal.But I am not like that and I find his lack of empathy appalling and very upsetting.My dh also asks me why im upset sometimes.For gods sake ,do you have to bloody well ask ! he knows I am broken hearted and will never recover completely from mums death.But he is more concerned with telling me the latest news from footi or something like that.Can you tell he is not in my good books at all at the moment.

The trouble is I am not someone who can bite their tongue.I just have to say whatever im thinking. So I did !

my dh and ds's are football obsessives too, drives me mad.....I used to go out to my mums to get away from them, now I'm stuck here all the time!

hope you all have a better day, today I'm not working with the woman I told you about in my last posts thank god

I'm glad you don't have to work with her every day ssd, hope today is better for you.

I think people just don't know how it feels to lose a parent, and maybe I would have been the same once, but some of the things people say leave me open mouthed at their insensitivity. I remember about two months after mum died someone at work did something to help me out, and said "oooh I'm like your surrogate mum" I just did a weak smile and cursed her in my head!

Hope today is also better for you mummylin.

xx

I suck at cursing people in my head I usually just do it then feel bad people don't mean to be insensitive I think they just can't help it and saying something bad is almost as bad as saying nothing which is what my "friends" went for

Good for you waitingforastartofall I sometimes wish I could say things out loud but I'm a people pleaser!

I used to be, and im still not as honest and foward as id like to be but im certainly getting better. its a slow process keep at it!

Mummylin - Me and hubby have them moments too i think you have to say how you feel and i hope he realizes that he has been unfair they can be so non understanding sometimes, i know as I've had the same not in relation to my mum but his selfishness is unbelievable! But we have turned that corner and talk a lot more and make sure we listen to each other. But I do know what you mean!

ssd - How insensitive of that woman, hope she thinks twice before not thinking, i have found a lot of people that have just spoke about their mums and going out with them, i just say " what i would give for that" and they are like oh sorry i didn't think..!

I have definitely toughened up since my mum, i guess my tolerance for prats and selfish people isn't there anymore. I only bother with people that make the effort with me and ive realized there is 2 very good friends who i feel very comfortable with to talk about my mum.

Biscuits - Glad the day went as good as it could be for you, i bet your mum loved what you did. Was thinking of you. I am seriously dreading April for my mums anniversary.

Waiting - Yeah I had friends like that with the saying 'nothing' sometimes that was harder, still i wont be there for them friends as much as ive always been. Certainly seen through them people!

xx

just checking in to see how everyone else is.Are you all snowed in ?.We have had none here but on one hand want it to snow tomorrow ,on the other hand my brother has to fly into heathrow so don't want the disruptions there.But it will also remind me of when we did have a lot of snow and ice in 2010,i was so paranoid that my mum would fall over ,we went and got her from her house to stay with us until it had gone.If it snows tomorrow as forecast I will think of it as a soft blanket covering my mum,i cannot think of it any other way.I do hope you are all finding things a bit easier each day,but it does seem that for most of us on this thread,we were all very close to our lost parent/s and so I suppose its inevitable that the grief will hit us worst,in turn taking longer to accept how our lives now are.We will all get there eventually,in fact this week I saw on the tele something that made me smile. It was an advert where the mum cleaned her sons face with her hanky.I remember my mum doing that to us and how much we all hated it !! But I actually did have a little smile about it.

Just been stopped on the town and asked how mum is. It kills me when people do that. I try to be nice because their only asking but it hurts so much having to talk about it again and explain what happened.
I am doing okay but piling all my energy into the house. Never been so tidy!. It is due to snow here tonight and tomorrow i am seriously hoping the children get the day off but i highly doubt thatll happen. I am about to try and attempt chocolate crunch like we had in school dinners. Mum was helping me find the perfect recipe so i suppose its up to me now!