Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

[mummylin2495]

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

Hi sosadforhim I am sorry to hear of your loss, what a fantastic support you sound to your husband and the the kindness and care you have said for your fil, i wish my brother had the same support for my dad.

Take care and know we are here to come on to and chat. Thinking of you all at this very hard time. xx

How is everyone doing? Im not doing great today, the realization of my mum not being at that table at my dads hit me bad tonight, so sad and cant believe it. sad But tomorrow is another day, so who knows how i will feel, certainly is harder at the moment though, and i know i said i will get through as my mum would want me too but my god it will be hard.

Were going to let off a balloon on Saturday and also go to the crematorium and light a candle.

Sending hugs our way. Thinking of you all xx

t875 - thanks. This is a hard time for you, this time of year especially. i have no words. Words can't fix things can they?At least you will be at the table with your dad. That will mean a lot for you both.

Ii think venting and time perhaps will heal a little, but what do I know? My dh coping well, too well I think. He said he feels his dad will still come home (he spent half of the last year in hospital). He can't belive how quickly things are happening. Funeral director today, death certificate tommorow etc.

the funeral is on christmas eve. They live 2.5 hours away and we have a little excited 4 year old for christmas. My next door neighbour said she'd watch him on the funeral day. her lo goes to nursery with mines. she has 20 guests for christmas day and she's the only person I can ask. She doesn't know that it's christmas eve yet:(

They sorted the funeral cars today. MIL, dh and sis in law in first car. 3 people. Me and sis in laws boyfriend in the other. 2 people. This seems weird given the cars are so big. I'll go with the flow though but seems a bit strange and extra expense. FIL also had 3 bro's and a sis. i assume thy'll make their own way.

I feel so sad for him missing christmas.

hello everyone,sorry i have been AWol but have been busy catching u with the shopping and wrapping etc.All done now.I did go to the cemetery on sunday to take fresh flowers for my mum,i also took her little xmas tree and the robins.Of course i have to do both graves so that they match ! I want people to know that they are the same family.I will go again on xmas morning but havent decided wether to get a wreath of holly or not.I may get something else instead.
I am sorry to see that yet again we have more posters but i am glad we have this thread not just for us but for everyone who is in our position.
For myself i will be kept busy on xmas day,which i think will help me a lot and not give me time to dwell too much on sadder things.But when i go to the cemetery on xmas morning ,i know i will think back to previous times when mum refused to open anything until me and dh arrived.I always took photos of her with all her gifts and i am so grateful that i now have all the photos of her when she was so happy.I will have a word with her and wish her a happy xmas wherever she may be,and no doubt there will be tears ,but i will then come home and face the day knowing that i kept up the tradition of visiting her that day.
For those of you experiencing your first xams without your loved ones,i really feel for you,i was in the same position last year and to be honest it dosent feel so much different this year, i still feel it was only last week and still am in total disbelief she isnt here anymore.
Mum ,wherever you are i miss you terribly and pray we will meet up again one day.I love you xxxx

Just a quick message as i am wading through making all the mince pies! going well so far.I hope you are all doing ok but im sure like me you are getting stressed out with so much to do .So much harder when your heart isnt really into it this year.Love to you all x

I have been so busy and its set to continue, I prefer it too much time to think otherwise. Things are pretty grim without mum.

Bad day today. I've been visiting friends of mums to wish them a happy Chrismas. I've taken the baby with me for them all to see her. So overwhelming and exhausting. Lovely to share memories but I've been in floods of tears all evening. I'm going to put christmas flowers on mum and dads graves tomorrow. It feels so wrong. Mum has only been gone a few weeks and dad only 2 years. I feel too young to have to do this. I also feel wildly jealous of any friends with parents. It's do hard.

My stepdad died today. I loved him so much. He was only ill for 6 months and we thought he'd beat this awful illness. He was still sitting up and laughing and joking last night but this morning the fight went out of him. I'm in so much pain - for me, my stepbrothers and most of all my mum. 2013 was meant to be the year their lives began when they were both due to retire and now what has she got to look forward to?! I want him back so much.

So sad to hear your news Fermin. I imagine the shock must be awful for you. Esepcially as you all thought he was getting better. is it some comfort that only a few hours before he was happy and enjoying the company of loved ones? With my FIL who died early Tuesday I have some comfort in knowing that on he was happy and pain free on Saturday. i also know he died peacefully and quickly in the end.

Do you know when you funeral is yet? The next week will be a whirlwind of arragenement and details. My dh has been going through that the past few days. he describes it as feeling ok for a while and then devastated and realising he's lost his dad

The next few days will be busy for me, we have the funeral on Christmas eve, but please PM me if you want to vent/talk or whatever.

Beachcombergirl, sorry i just read your post. I can't imagine how sad you must feel having lost 2 loved ones in a short space of time. Having your precious baby must be bittersweet. I'm at the moment feelign so sad my FIL won't see my little boy grow up. I'm thinking of you.

PS - what if the world did end tomorrow? shall we see all of our loved ones sooner than we imagined?

Hello everyone, thought I'd posted yesterday but it seems to have vanished...

Sorry to see new faces here - look after yourselves and take it one day at a time. It's never easy to lose a much loved family member but at Christmas somehow it seems so so sad. Thinking of you all and sending strength to deal with all the funeral arrangements which in themselves are exhausting.

I'm up to my ears in trying to work out what I need to take to Dad's. He seems to be going on with Christmas preparations as if Mum is still here. He wants me to buy her favourite turkish delight and chocolate gingers but none of us eat them... He's bought masses of cherry brandy because that's Mum's special christmas treat. It's so so hard, I seem to cry on the phone to hime every time we speak just now. In fact I'm crying at everything just now - happy or sad - I even wept at Nativity the DVD which is supposed to be a comedy. Guess I'd best pack extra tissues

Yeah I'm well emotional. My husband is p ing me off royalty! Saying oh he's tired and in a fog and can't think!! Oh scuse me for just lOst my mum 8 months ago and my days are full of fog and sadness on and off!!

Bloody man!! I'm giving a wide birth. Making me a lot worse.

Omg as much as I try I can't get into Christmas. I hate it. Not excited, but doing it for the kids.

We trudge on eh. Very hard
Mum miss you like crazy and Christmas won't be the same without you
You were Christmas how on earth can I float it all on my own.
I know u will be with us and whispering in my ear go on have that eclair
Or getting me to put all the cracker toys in with our going home bag
The tree looks nothing like the magic you could decorate it with. But I know that the angel on the top is very special and that real life angel looking down on us.
H

Hope you all have a great Christmas up there.
Stand by my side mum all Christmas as I'm
Sure you will.
Love you loads and can't believe you aren't here
Hugs your ever loving daughter. Xxx

Still burying my head about it all but now and again a carol or something just sets me off

Hope you guys didnt mind me writing to my mum. x

Thinking of you all. Very hard had to get christmas cards and i dont do card shops very well. But suprisingly my brother asked me if i wanted to go with him so we done it together which was nice, he seems a lot better at the moment seems to be talking about my mum which is nice and also said if i need him i know where he is. Who knows maybe the tide has turned...

Were going to the crematorium tomorrow and lighting a candle and im going to take a bauball and tinsell around her area.

Hugs for us all, were here if anyone needs to jump in and off load xx

fermin - How awful so very sorry to hear of your loss. It must be so hard for you to comprehend. Go with your feelings, cry, talk, and be around people you are comfortable with. Thinking of you x

Beachcomb - wow what a time for you. Must be so hard. Bless you.
Thinking of you. X

Sosadfoehim. - hope your hubby is getting along. Thank heavens he has you to support him. X

hi girls

waiting I'm like you, trying to keep super busy to avoid thinking too much, but it isn't easy....have been to so many nights out and get togethers I'd normally avoid like the plague, I'd go to the opening of an envelope just now if it kept me busy and stopped me thinking about what I'm missing

beachcombergirl, I too am wildly jealous of anyone who still has a mum and a dad, have a cousin on fb who has both and never stops telling me of what they are doing together....I avoid her now, the pain is too much and she has no idea, which hurts like hell

t875, hope your dh gets it together!!! men eh!! mine is ok just now, I cant moan as I know the difference!! and I'm glad your dbro is improving, long may it continue !! xx

well girls Xmas is nearly here, a time to take a deep breath, stick out our chins and have a tissue ready.

its the single person meals in M&S that do me in, I always bought these for mum, seeing them on the shelf stops me in my tracks and makes me want to sob, that and the lovely flowers they do, I always bought her those as well.

its the little things that kill us isn't it, people go on about "oh you'll find Xmas so hard this year", well that's true, but its the sight of certain meals for one in M&S that has me on my knees, I know we'll all have our own little things that mean nothing to the rest of the world, but reduce us to wrecks

thinking of you all tonight xx

and t875 what you wrote to your mum was lovely x

Hi mum, the shops are full of things I'd have bought you for your hamper this year, loads of chocolate gingers I cant normally find anywhere, well they are everywhere now!! Loads of nice "Mum" cards for Xmas too, sometimes I read them and imagine which one I'd have bought for you. I also saw the M&S flowers I'd have got you this year, did you see me looking at them? And I seen your cup and a few other things I'd have put in for you. I'm sorry you had to go mum, I know you had to, but I miss you so much. Thanks for the signs you sent to help me , they really did make a difference! They keep me going. I know you're still around for me mum, I know you wouldn't leave me completely.

I love you xx

PS tell dad I love him too xx

I lost my mum in February. An trying to remember our happy day with her last christmas but I have no letter or final words from her, as she was concentrating on living and refusing to die. Am haunted by the question of what she suffered in the last few hours. Perhaps on morphine it is just like going to sleep? Love to all daughters being strong for their own families this Christmas. Robins appearing a lot for me too.

Thanks ssd

Hubby was much better the next day! Needed 3 hrs extra sleep mind you! He doesn't function when woken up in night. And both our children have just got over the flu!!

But he has helped me loads since so that's good. Long may it last! He he

I'm finding it very hard for my dad at the moment. And I totally know its to be expected. But my god I wish I could take that pain away for him. He is very down. But then not too bad.
I still can't believe she isn't here!! How the hell can this be! I miss her like crazy.

Ssd lovely what you wrote for your mum I thought of you earlier when I saw the advert with the grouse for the drink xx

Hope your all not too bad. I know myself though I am definately up then down! :-((

Sickofsocalled - must be so very hard for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The significance of birds and loss is huge on this thread. Must be a connection. Thank you hard going through this trying to keep the family going too.

Thinking of you. I believe morphine does make you very sleepy so I'm sure she was comfortable. x

Ssd - I'm sure your mum saw you getting them flowers and helped you choose x

Still here, just been keeping very busy with things at home. We made a chocolate cake yesterday and decorated for christmas i feel like a let down this year havent took the kids to christmas disco or fair as i was only just out of hospital, they havent even seen santa! but did get a pnp video each.So today and tomorrow i shall mostly be being getting my ass in gear re christmas cheer and do some activitys. Cant wait to unveil my christmas eve treat :)

Missing mum so much, i would normally have spent the entire run up to christmas with her and some of christmas day with her my sis and brother. feels so very odd.

Dad I miss you so much. I miss your wisdom, your kindness, your love. I miss the way you made everything just seem ok. I miss your calmness in this crazy world. I miss the way your face used to light up when you saw me or your granddaughter. I miss the way nothing used to phase you....nothing. I miss the way you used to call me lovey. This is my second Christmas without you. It hurts.

Love and strength to every one of you x

Hello everyone, i too like the rest of you have been busy and in a way its a good thing.But its when I am less busy my mind seems to wander straight back to my mum.I am going to the cemetery today to check how the flowers are and to see what i need to take there on xmas day.I have taken a little tree up for both my mum and my sisters grave and the little robins,but i want something else so will look around shops later today.I think this time of year it really brings home what we have lost and its very painful.Cant believe this is the second xmas without her ,i dont know where the last year has gone.seems to of vanished in a fog somewhere.In case i dont get on again before xmas day ,i would like to wish you all as peaceful a day as possible and i hope that 2014 will be a happier year for us all. Deepest condolences to the new posters.