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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

979 replies

mummylin2495 · 08/12/2012 19:28

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

OP posts:
aristocat · 11/03/2013 23:18

Hello all, so sorry been away from the thread for ages. It has been months since I posted.

Anyway will read through your posts tomorrow, just wanted to say hi and leave some Thanks for everyone

t875 · 12/03/2013 12:31

Hi everyone.

Its very hard on and off leading to April when we lost my dear mum.
Im getting on the days as i can but its definately hanging about, wish there was work but its so quiet at the moment, but keeping busy with my dad and doing stuff round the house.

Its very hard though thinking of this time last year.
Hope everyone is going along not too bad.
I know mothers day was very hard for me at being 10 months, but you ladies who have been recent it must be very hard too - well for all of us.
Thinking of everyone xx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 14/03/2013 10:37

looking for advice today.The official notice of our friends death was in our local paper last night.It gives the time and place of the funeral but down the bottom it says this." we wish to have a private personal celebration of ...... life for family and close invited friends only " what we are not sure of is this.Do you think that is for the actual funeral or the wake. ?? Dh and I would of attended the funeral but of course we wont go if this is not what the family wants.

OP posts:
t875 · 14/03/2013 12:30

hmm thats a tricky one, I had people my friends ask me just to confirm so If it was me I would ask them mummylin. It is a very tricky one though, let us know x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 14/03/2013 13:15

I don't know how to ask ssd. I have never seen it put quite like this before.I am however writing to his mum ,who wrote me such a lovely letter when my mum died [ they used to be work mates].So should I just leave it at that ? I really don't know what to do.We don't want to ignore it ,but we don't want to upset anyone by just arriving. her son was only in early 40.s.have no idea what actually happened as we have only heard different stories.Not sure where his other brother is living or we could prob find out from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummylin2495 · 14/03/2013 13:16

oh sorry t875 I see it was you that posted ,not ssd !!

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t875 · 14/03/2013 13:30

I would leave it as the letter you have wrote mummylin, i did have a few of my best friends even ask me if they could come as they werent sure whether it was close family or not.

I wouldnt think about it anymore hun. They will let you know then you will know like you said you dont want to go along incase its immediate family. Best to check.

You could say, "Dont know with numbers but are you keeping the service to immediate family or is it open to friends too as I would like to go if the space is there" This is what I would say. xx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 14/03/2013 14:24

I chickened out of even knocking on the door.I wrote her a letter and put it inside the card and posted it through the door. will leave it at that.On reading the notice again,i don't want to go really because its the same place as we had my mums.I haven't been there since then.have been to funerals but not there.I know I will have to face it at some point as its the town crem.She will know that we are thinking of her and her son.

OP posts:
t875 · 14/03/2013 15:35

I was think that for you Mummylin, its so nice for you to think of him as you do seem such a caring person but look out for you too, you have been through a lot lately. x

ssd · 15/03/2013 10:25

agree with t875, you sound so nice mummylin whycouldyounotbemysister!!

ssd · 15/03/2013 10:28

am seeing dr today, periods are very erratic and am worrying for Britain, prob my age 46, but want to see her anyway. Will ask about bereavement counselling whilst I'm there, did phone cruse again but they havent phoned me back yet. Am a bit all over the place just now, hope fully the dr will settle my mind, dont think I could dope with much else just now.

ssd · 15/03/2013 10:28

cope not dope Grin

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 15/03/2013 10:47

ssd I will be your cyber sister !!!! Well today is the day I enjoy,going out to breakfast with my niece and meeting up with one of my brothers.I usually eat too much and then cant eat any dinner tonight !! I showed my sos the piev=ce in the local paper and he couldn't make it out either.So i will leave it as it is. Its so sad because the friend who has died onl;y phoned my dh about 4 months ago to ask if he could shadow my dh at work as he was wanting to do an electrical course.Dh agreed and we didn't hear anymore from him.I don't really know what has happened.We were told he choked but in the paper it says donations to an addict center or flowers.I am a bit of a softy but if it warrants it I can be like a fishwife [ people like my mums neighbour who asked for mums birdbath] For example.And I would fight to the death for me and mine so I am not always nice.Hope you will all have a relatively calm and peaceful day.ssd maybe you are going through the onset of the change ? Hope cruse will get back to you,it may be just what you need to help you get through this horrible time of grieving.Thanks to you all x

OP posts:
ssd · 15/03/2013 11:32

yes mummylin, friends who are similar in age have experience of this too...,am just a real worrier and want to discuss it with a dr, although dont want to make a fuss and hope she just says its mother nature too...and yes, you and t875 are my cyber sisters! I think you are doing the right things with regards the funeral, it sounds like maybe they want something quiet, maybe you could send a nice card and a letter in it? you are really good at writing things down, I can imagine they'd really appreciate a thoughtful letter. Enjoy today with your family! xx

t875, hope your day goes ok, thinking of you too

and everyone else here of course, dont want to miss anyone out! xx

aristocat · 16/03/2013 16:21

ssd I am also 46 and have recently had my mirena taken out. The nurse and I discussed the menopause and it is possible that it has already started at our age Hmm

Hope your GP was helpful yesterday.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 17/03/2013 13:42

hello all ,hope you are all having a decent weekend.We are celebrating our silver wedding which is actually tomorrow but we went for a meal with the family last night and are doing it again tomorrow.We all went to the place where you have to cook your own meat.It was all lovely and we had a very enjoyable evening.Of course there was one very important person not there, mum would of loved it as going out with the family was one of her favourite things to do.But of course she was in my mind all the time.She would be so happy for us.x ssd I did send a card with a letter and have left it at that.

OP posts:
ssd · 17/03/2013 18:41

thats funny aristocat, the dr recommended a merina yday but I'm a real scaredy cat!

mummylin, thats sounds lovely and I hope you have a lovely anniversary tomorrow...we have also just been out for a dinner with the boys and it was lovely, we a joint mothers day/birthday thing which we all needed to cheer us up, fair enjoyed it!

aristocat · 17/03/2013 22:14

mummylin happy anniversary for tomorrow Smile Love the idea that you cook your own meat - wish we had that here .....

ssd TBH my mirena has been really good, I have had no problems at all. I wanted it taken out simply because they are only meant to last 5yrs and I had mine for 8yrs Shock Would definitely recommend them!

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 18/03/2013 09:07

good morning ! expecting lots of visitors on and off all day.My dh has bought me yet more technology I don't know how to use.he got me a mini ipad and I have gone wrong just in the registration process !!! there is no hope for me im afraid.But it will be lovely to be able to sit in my lounge instead of having to come upstairs to use my pc [ new and old as I still haven't mastered the new comp ]have a good day everyone if possible.Its very dull here and rain is due and maybe thunder too.x

OP posts:
Original poster
mummylin2495 · 18/03/2013 13:30

I have had the most wonderful gift from my aunt and uncle.Its a silver wedding plate that my mum bought for them 35yrs ago when it was their silver wedding.What a treasure that plate will be.

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BiscuitsandBaileys · 18/03/2013 19:34

What a lovely present mummylin and how thoughtful of them to give it to you. Smile
Happy Anniversary xx

PinkiLinzy · 18/03/2013 20:00

OMG, this is the first time I have been on here and already have found just such marvellous threads.

So Dad..christ alive how hideous has it been? But you knew only too well the grief that I am now dealing with. I know how it can separate you from others and create a darkness that sometimes never feels like light will ever extinguish but you are always with me. And the things yet to do, will be done with the strength that you gave me.

To all those starting out on this journey, please believe us when we say it will get easier, even tho it feels like that is so out of reach right now. Sometimes you will never feel like your heart will ever mend but it will, just not the same.

Miss you Dad xxx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 18/03/2013 21:08

This is my first message from my new toy , writing is a bit small but it's a small price to pay if I can sit in my chair and do it ! Have had a lovely day so far loads of lovely cards etc. hope you have all coped today xx

OP posts:
Original poster
mummylin2495 · 19/03/2013 10:11

Pink, welcome to this very supportive thread. We have all just. Been lumbering around trying to make sense of our losses and struggling to try and come to terms with it all. We are all at different stages,but without fail all of us have felt it terribly. When did you lose
Your dear dad ?

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likesnowflakesinanocean · 19/03/2013 13:42

Hi all sorry i dropped of the radar been having a pretty naff time of it for various reasons but trying to take control now. Mum would hate everything thats happening now she would want to change the world for us. I miss her so bloody much. I have all but given up on my friends, still have seen none of those that i thought would be closest too me. I wanted to do the race for life or the walk for the local hospice to raise some funds but just cant afford it at the minute there is a joining fee of around £15 then the travel too and from ect. maybe next year when i am doing a bit better and feeling a bit stronger.

Hope you are getting used to your new toy mummylin what a fab suprise and the plate sounds beautiful too. I use my tablet to mn on and often put full stops all over my posts.

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