Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

[mummylin2495]

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

ssd I found it very upsetting when my brother and I went to the bank. They actually cut mums card up in front of us and I just broke down and sobbed. The girl did apologise but I felt so hurt .It was as though my mum was nothing.I had forgotten that until you mentioned the bank.i hope you don't have this experience too.Its all horrible things that have to be done,but to be truthful I have said before its as though I did everything in a fog and my brother helped me so much.Everywhere I went I just cried.Horrible horrible time.good luck with it all x

Yeah mummylin I know what you mean, it was such a horrible foggy time, i cried so much too, still do now from time to time, but it isn't as bad as the beginning. I smiled when you said about the flowers, who knows eh, that could have been a sign for you, you said she loved her flowers!! I have to say, none of mine have survived with the snow and all the rain, so that is strange your flowers and also biscuits carnations were looking good too. xx

Biscuits I believe wholeheartedly that that was a sign and for you to have two, it was one for you and one for your daughter. I do get comfort but then some days i find it all hard as she isn't here physically but I do take the comfort, i have also been watching colin fry and that really has reinforced my belief and for me..if i didn't believe she was around, thinking was gone and with no one it kills me all over again and actually i couldn't breath around the time I lost her, got very panicky and felt suffocated, so i think believing she was around spiritually has helped me, plus I am now picking up things myself, i get strong feelings, and I feel when she is around, ive always had gut feelings and been spiritual before my mum and me and her did have that connection and she knew about feathers too as we spoke about them a lot and she also had wish stones. But I miss her madly though for a good ol natter and hugs. Sending love to you, its all very hard and were here for you xx

Ssd I cant imagine closing accounts. Bless you and sending you strength and and hugs. So hard, shame we cant do these things over the phone isn't it, would be so much easier or they could come to your house. You have had so much to deal with on your own, i really feel for you. {{hugs}} xx

Hi to everyone else, I hope all who have visited this thread is ok, and we are here for you if you need us xx

Bugger my brain is fried lately, i have a question. Mum had a building society account with not much in but i was named on the account so i could put money in get out for her and so i could use it to save ( i never did!) but do i have to go and close that?
her husband has been dealing with everything else but my names joint on this accoun

Haven't posted for ages
Had an asking price offer on dad's house this morning. It had only been on the market 8 days.
I feel completely lost. It's strange that this should affect me more than anything else. But all my memories are there. Mum and dad bought it in 1962 when it was just a plot of land, and I have photo's of it from 2 bricks high to completed.
It needs completely redecorating and modernising, I was hoping to win the lottery so I could keep it! I'm pleased but gutted that it is finally going.
It's taken so many hours to clear it, I can't believe that they kept so much stuff. Every single childhood toy, photo, and a whole workshop full of valves, fuses, bulbs, tools, most of which have had to go to the dump.
I am being so silly, there are more important things in life, but today it hurts.

youvecattobekittenme Although not nice circumstances its nice to hear from you. xx I cant imagine closing up my mum and dads house and and i had tears in my eyes when i read your post, bless you must be very hard.
is there a clock or a picture they had you can transfer to a room in your house? so its like you have taken a part of their house to yours? or even a bit of fence of wall, or part of the garden, a bush, or a plant you can get a cutting of??
I know not the same atall just an idea.

Thinking of you and we are here anytime for you. ((hugs))

is there a clock or a picture they had you can transfer to a room in your house? so its like you have taken a part of their house to yours

if only you could see how much stuff I have from the house in piles for sorting

Spookily dad gave us his car several years ago when he no longer felt safe driving. This morning was the first time it has ever let us down, it simply refused to start and Dh has had to buy a new starter motor.

kitten I know how you are feeling.We happened to be at my mums house when the estate agent came to put up the sold sign,he said to me " this is good isn't it" I was livid and very very upset.The day we went there for the last time was awful.I had taken various plants that were mums special and one of my brothers took the compost bin and I took the water butt to give to my daughter. Sadly she did not have a pipe to connect it to so I bought it home.A couple of days later we had a letter from the buyers solicitor asking where had the bin gone and that they wanted it back ! I refused as my mum had bought it so why should they have it ! then another letter followed saying the same thing and threatening to take legal action !!! I still refused but my brother went and bought them a new one and I kept mums.I was very annoyed as they had had about 7 thou knocked off the price in the first place.We had not realised that we had not ticked the right box to say we would be taking it,but even our solicitor was shocked by their greed.I have not been back to my mums road as its would just be too painful to see someone else coming out of her door.Even worse was the couple who lived next door to my mum who asked my brother for my mums bird bath.he said they could ,but when he told me I said they couldn't as they had never spoken to mum all the time they had been there ,they had also cut all their hedge and left my mum to clear it from her side of the garden.for gods sake she was an old lady.Then a few days later I was at mums with another brother when mums neighbour popped her head over the fence and said " your other brother said I could have the bird bath" well I lost the plot and said well you F---ing well cant.You never spoke to her when she was alive so why do you think you can have something of hers now she is dead ,then I carried on saying about the hedge etc.I was so angry.Anyway my daughter has her nans birdbath !!!! Sorry I sort of veered off the path there,its just that your post reminded me of those things.x

oh kitten i can imagine how much stuff you have, silly way of me putting it really, i know how much stuff I have my mums and that isnt all of theirs. Glad I gave you a smile though, hehe

See now that is spooky in relation of the car, although a pia for you, but it could have been they were saying they were there for you, we had a very strange thing happen after we lost my mum, our burglar alarm which was unconnected, went off!!! It was 10 am on a sunday, next door neighbour come round with his dressing gown on and we were going about the day as we were up thinking ir was someones car alarm when in the end it was ours!! I was mortified we had prob woke up the close with it but we had to pull all the bloody cupboard out to get to the box which we gave a hit and it stopped.

but the most weird thing was..and my mum loved a good de clutter like me..i said over and over I was going to clear that cupboard out...well we ended up doing that job as when we went looking for the alarm box we put everything back tidy and had a clear out! LOL!

I also had my keys move a few times I asked for that to stop as I was feeling like i'd lost the plot the best of times without things being moved

thanks mummylin, my trouble is I've got no one to do these things with, all of it I've done by myself - clearing her flat, sorting the final payments on her bills, handing the keys back to the council, now closing her bank account. My heart just feels so heavy. I know if my brother was here he'd help, but he lives 400 miles away and left after scattering mums ashes ...and good for you teeing your mums neighbour where to go, what a cheek they had.

biscuits, as t875 says, the feathers were definitely a sign for you, treasure it..it means you're mum is still with you, not in body but in spirit.

waiting, the bank account I'm talking about was like your, it was in my mums name and my name, like joint. When mum died I had to take her death certificate into the bank for them to remove her name from the account, so its just in my name only now. But to me its just mums account, its not mine, my name was only on it as I dealt with all her banking and stuff. The bank kept me waiting ages, standing there in the queue holding her death certificate and desperately trying not to cry.

kitten, I've got boxes of mums stuff too, she and my dad shared the house I grew up in for over 40 odd years, before mum moved the her sheltered flat, the stuff they kept was amazing...I even have the dog collar of our wee dog, who grew up with me and was put to sleep 35 years ago, and there is even hairs on it

I've got more to write but I dont want to go on too much xx

actually I was doing well, but the bank account has floored me a bit, and that was only speaking to the woman on the phone this morning about how to close it, I still have to go into the bank and actually do it, think I'll need a stiff brandy after that one.

also the girl at work today was going on about her mum again, about what her mum has planned for her anniversary this month and also going on about "I'm not going to see mum tomorrow, I'll leave it till the weekend"..thanks for that

I need a good cry x

{{{ssd}}} Have that good cry hun, it does help me sometimes to have a cry it really does. There right with you giving you support when you go to the bank. That women at work seriously would have beeb strangled by now lol How insensitive can she be!!

mummylin good for you saying that to the neighbour! I would have trimmed your mums hedge and left it over their side as a parting gesture! ooh nasty people, what is it these days, seriously there are some real class arse holes in the world!!

hugs all round everyone and a glass of wine or a cup of hot chocolate with cream if you prefer. Think ill go for the wine and a huge piece of cake!! Although im trying w/w again!! Lets hope tomorrow brings the sunshine and feeling a lil brighter for us xxx

typos on my last message..

ssd - were right with you giving you support at the bank!!
and wrong smiley should have been annoyed one about that women you work with!!

xxx

thanks t875

good luck with the ww, i'm really overweight and still eat like a pig

havent cried, have sat at the kitchen table on here and am feeling better, thanks xx

do you know, I'll get pelters admitting this, but I'm gonna anyway

you know all the people who have zero empathy for you and go on about their mum, or dad, like it wont affect you and were no use to you in your bereavement, well I say a little prayer and its this "please let me be there when they get the bad news, let me see them suffer"...and I dont actually mean the woman at work who goes on about her mum all the time, shes just a clooegue, I mean the family who havent been there for me, please god let me still be here when its their turn

a clooegue should be colleague!

might as well admit it, I mean my sister and my cousin abroad, in that order

ssd hope you get on ok at the bank. I understand how you feel about others, but it seems to be the general run of things that some people just get on with their lives and others are so bloody selfish they have no regards for anyone else's feelings, it has always been the same I expect, its only now that we are grieving that we can actually pick out the arseholes of the world. Thankfully not everyone is like that and there are some very kind people around too.; I believe in karma and do believe you reap what you sow.So don't worry about others in your family too much. They will get paid back for how they have been.
As a footnote to the birdbath episode. The thing is that to know my mum had the birdbath they would of had to stand on a ladder to see over into her garden ,because even when the hedge was cut ,the fence was still high !!
t875 that would of been a good idea but mum had the fence and they had the hedge! cheeky bloody sods !

i agree with mummylin them people will get karma, i believe it ssd

mummylin oooh how bloody cheeky were your neighbours!! If id had a cat i would have shown it their garden!!! The word T*ssers comes to mind, I do apologise to anyone that offends!! x

ssd im glad you feel better, here anytime.

xx

yes, I do hope karma bites them in the ass!!

I just realized, mummylin, I've got a birdbath from mum in my back garden, its just under my window!

xx

ssd I don't have the birdbath ,my daughter does ,but the water butt is attached to the pipe off my conservatory which of course is also by a window !!! I have to say it came in very handy last summer for watering this end of my garden.My great grandmother used to use the water from hers to wash her hair.I remember watching her go through this when I was a little girl.Dont think ill be doing that though in case there is a slug or snail in there !! hope you are ok this morning ,its good to have a rant about things / people sometimes isn't it.

Morning everyone!!

Raining here again!! come on sunshine!! Funny about bird baths i wanted to get one here.

Hope everyone isnt too bad today, Im not too bad, tired and job hunting, it takes a lot time to do it. I definately could do with work, part time is hard to come by. oh well onwards with the search.

xx

raining here too t785. I have been re reading some of the latest posts and realised something,we are now beginning to chat about other things rather than just the turmoil we have been in.Its got to be for the good and I think talking to you all has made an immense difference.We can come here and have a moan and also share other things .good luck with the job hunting,must be very hard in these austere times.I am expecting visitors this morning so I guess im gonna be up and down making cups of tea.Its my nieces birthday and it seems that other family members are coming here to give her her gifts! this has now become the family meeting place.Today my niece is the same age as my sister [ her mum ] when she died.next week is my birthday and I shared a birthday with my sister so its always a little bit sad for me.See you all later.x

its pouring and dark outside here, it matches my mood today, feel really empty and sad...I visited a friend today, it was her birthday, she a good friend, she recently lost her mum too. She had a card and money from her dad. It just sunk me again, knowing I'll never get a card or a treat from my mum again. It just feels so empty losing them both, the world seems to be divided into me with no parents and my friends who still have theirs, or at least one of them still alive. I've just got no one now, I dearly wish my siblings were closer to me, but we;re not close at all and this adds to the heartache. I wish I had a sister. I have one but might as well not, I could really do with some family supprt but theres none there. I feel like crying again tonight, this week hasnt been the best.

the mood swings in all this are the worst thing, its like being in a tumble drier, the slightest thing is absolutely sinking me just now and it goes to the heart. supporting myself is getting too hard sometimes.

feel a bit better now, had a chat with dh and he gave me a cuddle and said "you've always got us"
than had a long bath and a long think.....

its just processing it in your mind isnt it, over and over till maybe one day it all makes sense

hi ssd sorry ive not been around today my dad has been with me all day and ive been back and forth talking to agencies, i have an interview tomorrow its far from me so not sure im going to go for it.
there are so many days even now where it doesnt make sense, but the clouds do start lifting and it does get a little better hun. Here for you as always. Glad hubby made you feel better we need that eh xx

mummylin Big time for you again with your birthday coming up, i remember mine was very hard last year. Will be thinking of you and i know not the same but your mum will be around, do something she and you would do together or what you like to do, im a great believer they get great satisfaction seeing us treat ourselves. My mum would always nag at me about doing things for me, so i imagine her smiling when seeing me do it. Happy birthday to your niece too, again must be a mixture of emotions. Thanks about the job hunting, yeah not easy as only looking for part time, ill persevere though And i agree, its been nice to have general chat along with everything else. xx

well had an ok.. day today, been nice to have my dad here and also got a fair way with jobs.Me and my dad were talking about my mum which was nice, some days we go deep conversation about her others we dont now as much.

Anyways, hope everyone is going along there day ok as can be
thinking of you all xx