A rainbow

[Flutterbutterby]

I wanted to share a little love and hope. My DDad, whom I consider(ed)to be one of my best friends, died in May from cancer aged only 61 after a fight of 7 months.

He was an amazing person.

I didn't once hear him complain in the months of his chemo and we all lived in hope that the diagnosis was incorrect. Sadly it wasn't to be.

Why am I writing in here? Well, because looking back now, 13 -14 m

Sorry, pressed by mistake (vv cross w sausage fingers) ...

As I was saying, I'm sharing because I would like to help other children whose parents have died know that it DOES get better. I love(d) my Dad so much, I was grieving before his time came. It's only in the last month that I honestly have felt as if the blanket that had been smothering me has lifted. I didn't even realise I was under a blanket until it started lifting.

One noticeable difference now that the blanket has lifted is that I have more energy. I was operating on absolutely zero and any little thing made me feel like snapping. I'm ashamed to say I snapped at my DC and DH the most and I feel awful. Now, thankfully, I am starting to feel more like me.

If any of you are in the midst of losing a loved parent, my heart goes out to you. It's the hardest experience of my life. I still can't really believe my Dad has gone.

It's such a cliché, but that's because it is true: time is a healer.

I wish you love and strength.

FB

Thank you for posting this FB so sorry for your loss.
it is comforting to read this what you posted.
I still have the blanket over me but it has started lifting the last few months energy wise but the grief has come back raw as anything at the moment on and off.

I do take comfort of her being there with me just wish I can talk to her.
But it is comforting to read is does get lil easier with time.
If you ever need a chat we have a thread here called anyone lost a parent were all at different stages and take great comfort from eachother x

Sorry for your loss FB. It rings very true for me. I lost my lovely Dad 16 months ago, he was 61 too. He too was so brave and I never heard him complain once, not once in 7 years of battling cancer!

I think 'the blanket' lifted for me a year after his death and I know exactly what you mean about not realising you are smothering until it lifts!

I had a lot of support on mumsnet in the immediate weeks after his death and it really helped.

Thanks you for posting and so sorry about your dad.

I too lost my mum to cancer 2 years ago now and she was so brave bless her heart, my heart broke for her. However, yes, once she died the sheer desperation lifted. I remember towards the end and she was really suffering I felt so desperate and was on my knees begging for it all to end. If we went out, if I laughed I was like, how can I be smiling when she is suffering and hurting so much...it was truely the worst time of my life.

2 years after her death I feel better about it all, as much as I ever will I am sure. I can remember how now with a smile and not a tear (well, most of the time).

Your dad sounds wonderful, thank you for sharing xx