For anyone who is grieving for one of their parents

[mummylin2495]

I have started a new thread as i was having trouble loading up the old one I will link the two together if poss.

I'm so sorry Beachcombergirl. No wise words from me but a gentle hand squeeze if it helps.

So sorry Beachercombergirl - just want to echo what has been said by other posters.

Beachcombergirl It sounds as if you did all you could, sorry for your loss x

beachcomb girl... hugs. so sorry for your loss. it felt like we were stuck in limbo until we had the funeral for dad... so it must be hard waiting for the coroner.

Beachcombergirl - sending you big cyber hugs and know I'm thinking of you. Waiting for the coroner's report is a really horrible time. I had this experience when my mum died following an operation in August. It IS like being in limbo as I know you can't plan anything, and it's awful having to ring people and say nothing is organised. I did actually find the coroner very personable when she did ring, and very understanding.

Aww I am thinking of you - you must be devastated. Hold on to your baby girl and give her lots of hugs. I hope you have some emotional support as you need it. Thinking of you.

Beachcombergirl I am so sorry to hear of the sudden passing of your mum ,we also had no warning and im sure this made us feel even worse.I can tell you that eventually the numbness will wear off ,but i cant help as far as the sadness goes.All of us on this thread are at different stages ,some deaths recent ,some many years ago now.But whatever the time difference ,we are all united in that we are grieving for our lost parents.There is no magic potion to make any of us feel better sadly.But what we can do on here is to offer our support to you. I do think it is difficult for others to understand how devastating this can be if they havent gone through it.But for myself i prefer people to at least aknowledge my mums passing.Please if you need people to chat to ,dont suffer alone ,someone will reply to you on here.

beachcombergirl, I'm so very sorry for what has happened. I know you'll be in a bad place just now and my heart goes out to you. I echo all the posters on this thread and send you hugs and a hand to hold. My mum died unexpectantly 5 weeks ago, my dad had already died years ago and I feel the loss of my mum so much. Please post here, there are lots of caring, wise girls who will give you wonderful support and advise, they have been wonderful to me and I know you will get sympathy, empathy and lots of help.

Again, I'm sorry x

I am feeling very sad tonight as this time last year,myself ,my mum ,dh and two of my siblings were off on holiday tomorrow.We didnt know she only had thirteen days left to live.Its almost unbearable to think about

Thank you all for your wonderfully generous and kind words. It is comforting to read such lovely comments of support. We had the coroners report through today and as we thought she died of natural causes. At least tomorrow we can start planning the funeral. I think the pain will sink in from now on. I am dreading it but know I need to face it. Again, thank you all so much x

Beachcombergirl I'm so sorry about your mum. My mum died very suddenly, and the shock, in our experience, was the defining characteristic of the whole, horrible, time. All the letters we received were about how shocked everyone was. Time behaves very strangely when we are bereaved - I remember wishing I could have had just a few seconds with my Mum before she died. I hope that there will be a point when, despite the terrible shock and sadness, you can cherish having shared her last moments with her. Just as she brought you into the world, you saw her out of this world.

Rolf I know exactly what you mean about wishing for just a few seconds more with mum. Just to tell her I love her one more time. Just to smile with her and give her a big kiss. When dad was ill we had weeks to say our goodbyes and although I know mum knew unloved her, I feel floored by the lack of opportunity to say a proper goodbye.

What you said about her bring me into the world and me seeing her out of it is lovely. I think in tine I will get some comfort from this. At the moment it is still so raw though. My baby was crying for me as I was calling out for help. I just wish I had held mums hand as I hope so much she wasn't frightened.

Previous post. Not unloved, I meant I loved (damn predictive text)!

Dad's 70th birthday today. We were all so convinced he would fight that bastard cancer and make it to today. So heavy hearted. Just want to scream at the world and make everyone and everything stop and remember him.

I posted earlier on this thread about my dad's death in July. We had an appointment offered to us by the hospital where he died, to discuss things with the consultant and ask any questions we may have (he died in intensive care).

So we went yesterday and actually found it very helpful and a form of closure. We were able to fully understand why it happened so quickly and why there was nothing they could do for him at the end. Just to say that if anyone is offered a similar service, I would recommend it. We were even shown his CT scans to see the lung damage (he died of acute fibrosis).

So although I still feel so so sad he was taken from us too soon and so suddenly, at least I understand how and why and this has helped with the grieving process.

Meant to say, Beachcombergirl, am so sorry for your sudden loss. It is such a shock and so hard to get your head around. I hope you are getting some support.

BadRoly birthdays are so hard especially the special ones.

mummylin, I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. I can only say be kind to yourself, remember the holiday you had with your mum and remember how happy she was. I know its coming up to the first yr anniversary for you and I just want to send you hugs and thoughts. Its so sad, all of it.

beachcombergirl, theres not much that can help you through this time other than knowing you arent alone, you will be thought of here and helped whenever you can post, its an awful awful time and just getting through it is so hard, my sympathy to you and your baby dd.

badroly,quiet birthday wishes to your dad, and thoughts and support to you

torianatollywobbles, hope this information has helped just a little bit

hugs and sympathy to us all xx

Hello everyone, there are loads of messages since I was here a few days ago. i will go back and read them through properly but I wanted to post quickly.

Beachcombergirl My Mum found her Mum had died in the night and it was a terrible shock, really awful and unexpected. However, as time passed she found it hugely comforting to know it had been fast, painless and in her house where Granny was surrounded by people who loved her (I was asleep upstairs age3 - I remember nothing but am pleased I was there IYSWIM?) I'm so sorry you're experiencing similar, but I hope it will be of some small comfort to you later on to know that you were there. Huge unmumsnetty hugs xxxx

Ironically I have my MIL staying and she is driving me mad. I can't help resenting her being here when my dmum is not She is such a useless Grandmother GRRRRR

Sympathy to everyone. I am sorry to hear that so many people aer finding things a struggle at the moment. toriana really pleased that you have found some closure and help from meeting the consultant.

beachcombergirl what you have experienced is awful, but I really do believe that in time you will find comfort that your darling mum spent her last moments with her daughter and granddaughter and that she won't have suffered.

It has taken me a VERY long time to get comfort from the fact that my dad must have died very quickly, so he won't have suffered. He was found in his hotel room, on his bed. If he had died anything other than suddenly, he would have had time to make a phone call for help. I hate that he was alone, but he was at a conference doing what he really loved, so I kind of take comfort from that.

Think I am off to make a cuppa, and have a little cry. Missing my dad a lot since we moved house, and wishing he could have seen it. He would have loved it, I know, and been so excited for us all.

Had a really positive couple of days and now my twatty brother has dragged me back down with a bump . I do some freelance work other than my "proper" job and was away for 2 days working. It went really well and my boss was very complimentary, it was a boost I needed. then this morning I get an arsey phonecall from my older brother about sorting stuff to with my dad's finances/will etc. I had spent a day with my mum last week sorting stuff and had chatted with my other brother's partner about what I had done. I also left a detailed not explaining everything so things wouldn't get doubled up on. He phoned to check stuff and was rude, patronising and just a twat really. I could just sit down and cry.

note not not

hobnobs, have a cry, sometimes thats all you can do

x

Thanks all. We are now able to plan the funeral. Spent the day choosing the order of service, getting clothes for mum to wear organised etc. I just feel sick thinking about it all. It still feels like a bad dream and I just want to wake up. Because I was with her when it happened so suddenly I also feel so vulnerable that anyone I love could die suddenly. I have to keep checking dd regularly when asleep to see she's ok. It's all so frightening.

I miss my mum and feel so cheated. Dd is so little and I just want mum around to share in all the joy that she brings us. My dd has lost a whole wealth of unconditional love, and I'm now nobodies child. It's so overwhelming I'm struggling to take it all in.

The support of this forum as well as of course mums friends and family is a real blessing

beach, I totally understand

am going to work but will come back later, just didnt want you to feel too alone

xx

Hugs to all - I don't seem to be able to compose my thoughts coherently to respond but I read & am thinking of you all.

I've bought a candle to light on mum's birthday (early nov).

I chat to her in my head, as I imagine she would have been had she not been ill. I've seen things I will take to be signs rather than coincidences - a white feather on a bramble bush (she used to make blackberry jelly), an unexpected welsh dragon on a van (I'm nowhere near Wales, but mum was welsh).

I saw an article on the BBC news site about images of deep space captured by a new telescope (I think). There were myriads of galaxies in only a tiny tiny portion of sky. To echo bill Bryson, I thought how utterly amazing that my mum, we, this species, this planet exist/ed at all, yet for one brief and glorious moment, we have and we are. My mum was part of this glorious moment, so are all your parents and all of you.

Beachcomber - I know exactly how you are feeling about being nobpdy's child. That is my overwhelming feeling at the moment. I feel like a whole part of me is lost with my mum.

I went through the same as you in August - doing the Order of Service, choosing a coffin, flowers, getting clothes ready - all on my own. It was like this bad dream, I agree. I couldn't believe I was doing all these things and not even my DH could really help. I didn't want him to, I felt and do feel so precious over my mum.

I think the funeral is a huge hurdle to get over but actually I found the anticipation far worse. The day was comforting as so many people had lovely stories they wanted to share. For me, it's now.....the quiet period as everyone got onw ith their lives that is driving me mad.

I want to say "OK enough now, I want to wake up and have you back" to my mum. I've never felt so intensely down and I miss her so much it hurts. DH just can't grasp how overwhelming the feeling is that I've lost my muma nd best friend. You can't replace your mum or dad. That's the key - I can't say "Mum" to anyone else. I don't come first to anyone!