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Original poster

Friend killed himself last week.....................................................!

67 replies

jmg1 · 16/03/2006 09:34

I did not want to post about it but I have no one to talk to and I feel terrible.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 16/03/2006 09:35

Oh, sweetheart - how sad Sad You poor thing - were you close to him?

DumbledoresGirl · 16/03/2006 09:35

How awful for you. I don't know what to say.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Aimsmum · 16/03/2006 09:44

Really sorry to hear that.

Hope you are doing ok Sad

It might be better to talk about it, if you feel you can.

anorak · 16/03/2006 09:44

Oh jmg, I'm so sorry, especially after all you've been through in the past. It must drag up terrible memories for you, on top of the loss itself.

DelGirl · 16/03/2006 09:46

oh god thats awful, so sorry to heart that.

If you need an ear i'm at home with dd today as she's not well.

Original poster
jmg1 · 16/03/2006 09:46

In the 80's we were really good mates, later we went our own ways in life. I have kept more in touch with his sister whom I dated for two years, in the 80's.

I only found out this week because another friend was trying to contact me on my old number. He had 3 kids and did it while they were getting ready for school, shocking!

I think it has opened other wounds which had not exactly healed anyway.

I mentioned it to a Dad at school yesterday but the the conversation ended when he said 'I feel really good now' (with a big grin on his face) I just walked off feeling really confused.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 16/03/2006 09:49

That's horrible, how sad Sad

I'm sure it will have opened up old wounds for you, I'm really sorry you are going through this.

DelGirl · 16/03/2006 09:49

I'm lost for words at the dad's insensitivity

LadySherlockofLGJ · 16/03/2006 09:51

Oh dear JMG, would it help to write it all down. ?

Not here, but just sit with an A4 pad and write,or here if you think it will help.

prettybird · 16/03/2006 09:52

This happened to me recently, although the guy involved was more a friend of my brother's.

His wife was apparently fantastic at the funeral (I couldn't make it, as I had another scan to confirm my miscarriage - it never rains but it pours).

She talked about how her husband had been a wonderful man, but that he had suffered from a dreadful illness (recurring depression). It was the illness that killed him, not the "real" man.

How are you anyway jmg1 - long time no hear? I was just thinking aobut you the other day and wondering how you were.

lucy5 · 16/03/2006 09:56

So sorry jmg, it must be awful for you. I don't know what to say really but if you need to vent, moan, chat whatever we are here. Sad Smile

People are very insensitive, I went to fils funeral last week, he had died in strange circumstances and we are still waiting for the inquest. A delivery man came in during the wake and said, (thank god it was to me and not dh) well they said he was ill! Didnt even know fil he thought he was being funny. Ha bloody ha! Angry

littlemissbossy · 16/03/2006 09:56

oh shit... really sorry to hear about your friend jmg1 Sad

and that Dad sounds a complete arse ... some people don't know how to handle situations and then make completely inappropriate comments don't they??

dinosaur · 16/03/2006 10:03

Very sorry to hear this, jmg1. Thinking of you.

TearsBeforeBedtime · 16/03/2006 10:04

So sorry to hear this, jmg, it must have come as a terrible shock to you hearing something like this.

Original poster
jmg1 · 16/03/2006 10:04

prettybird, been doing ok lately but this has set me back. When I first heard I felt shocked but since the next day, I have been feeling really bad.

I have lost four friends, two were close and I have lost four closest members of my family, excluding my kids.

I will never let anyone get close to me or get close to anyone again.

OP posts:
lucy5 · 16/03/2006 10:06

Oh jmg, please have a cyber hug from me. You really sound like you need one {{{{hug}}}

littlemissbossy · 16/03/2006 10:11

"I will never let anyone get close to me or get close to anyone again"
I understand 100% why you say and feel that way, but I feel even sadder hearing that than you saying your friends died IYKWIMSad

I know you've been through loads of terrible stuff jmg1 but please try and focus on the great things you have in your life - your children particularly and your new life abroad (are you in Portugal??)

Aimsmum · 16/03/2006 10:13

Oh, jmg, please try not to feel that way, although I can understand why you do.

I know there is nothing I can really do do, but I am thinking about you.

bubblerock · 16/03/2006 10:16

Sorry to hear about this jmg, we had a similar thing happen last year, it was a very close friend that we had drifted apart from and we heard the news that she had hung herself leaving her young daughter to find her Sad It is so shocking and it really affected us a lot particularly as we just couldn't understand it.

You try not to dwell on things like this but they have a way of popping into your head.

Big hugs {{{jmg}}}

prettybird · 16/03/2006 10:18

I can understadn why you feel that you don't want to let anyone get close to you or get close to anyone again. :(

But in a sense, that's allowing the illnesses that they suffered from win. The real people - the people you loved - wouldn't want you to be alone forever. Part of being alive is having the capacity to feel - and if you don't allwo ouself to get close to anyone, you wil reduce that capacity - which is not good for you - or your kids. It will numb your capacity to feel and live life for your kids.

I was woendering - was your friend also in the army or had been in some of the "conflict" places you had been? If so, could that be part of what damaged him?

I've just done a quick search and seen that you had recently been back on Mumsnet a wee bit (must just have missed you) and that you've been in the Algarve. A break in the scenery was probably what you were needing and it sounds like there is a good expat community (with the exception of that dad yesterday!)

WideWebWitch · 16/03/2006 10:20

Oh jmg1, I am sorry.

katierocket · 16/03/2006 10:21

jmg - so good to see your name back on mumsnet but poor you, such a horrible thing to happen. I don't understand the comment from the other dad. Why did he say that?

Original poster
jmg1 · 16/03/2006 10:25

he was in the army (not in any war zones), but I think the trouble was to do with the marraige.

'I have heard' that apparently, his wife had been having an affair and lying about it to him and he was not living at home anymore, he came round to the house that morning, there was some sort of argument, he got a rope and said to wife 'this is because of you' and hung himself in garden.

I feel guilty because I have not spoken to him since shortly after the death of my sister.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 16/03/2006 10:28

Don't feel guilty jmg, you are NOT repsonsible for it or him or his behaviour, absolutely not. You couldn't have done anything. What about you, why don't you have anyone to talk to (apart from us)? Have you made any friends out there? Do you like it?

beetroot · 16/03/2006 10:32

jmg1, I am really sorry to hear this. However, I do feel you need to try and distance yourself from this a little. You have not heard or seen for years, you do not need to take this on board and let it becoem your drama. You have enough of that already!

Sorry I am not being harsh, but you need to put it back where it belongs and carry on building the wodnerful life for you and your kids.

It is sad but not a tragedy (for you)

Take Care