"You Light The Skies Up Above Me, A Star So Bright You Blind Me" Remembering all our precious children.

[fioled]

For my beautiful baby Anabelle Violet, loved and missed to the moon and back, always xxx How hard we wish that you were here baby girl.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

For all our babies and children, big and small xx

I put the letters in the recycling, expat. They sent two in error.
There were some wonderful staff in that hospital. Some lovely, dedicated, hardworking doctors and nurses. But tbh, some others that didn't care enough.

I love her name. And dammit, if you have a beautiful name, you really should get to use it for more than seven weeks. You deserve to write it on your school book, sign your cheques with it, sign it on a lease, on a title deed.

Or maybe she would have hated it and changed it to Jane as soon as she turned 18!

I don't think she'd have hated such a well-thought-out name. Oh, it's so very beautiful!

Chuck the letters in recyling and thank the nurses and staff privately.

Don't beat yourself up. Sylvie-Rose deserved the very best as you saw fit and see fit now. If you're not comfortable with going, well, as my mates John and Gillian put it, there's no right or wrong when it comes to the death of a young child.

mias mummy, i would def take that as a sign, ive felt a few things which i feel are signs, i feel like ive felt my sons presence right up close to my cheek about three times, sort of a coolness rightnext to my cheek.
the feeling i felt at the time, was he was trying to let me know hes ok.

then one evening, as i was watering the pots in the garden, i sat on the swing bench and looked up at the sky, and in th whole sky i could only see two stars, one higher and brighter and one smaller, this was before i had this mc.

and i thought thats my son and his twin, again it felt like sending me a message, telling me they are ok.

a few of the thigns that have happened recently, the feeling i get is still letting me know they are ok, but also i sense worrying about me, and if i'm ok.

so its noce to be able to talk about these kinds of things with others, as people in rl think you have gone totally bonkers, i know my parents think i have, as they say if you look for signs you will see them, but i feel them too.

si i've found it intersting to read on these boards about feathers, as i've notied alo of feather before, not not really made the conection
i shall now be on the look out fo feathers

chip sounds like a wise descion not to go.

been looking for something like this, something to put on the tree at christmas to remember out son.

here
but fancy something silver or glass
i'd like it to say in loving memory of baby orchid
his date of birth

then something like always loved always remembered, in our hearts at christmastime and always

maybe in a dove or angel design or a heart or something.

something like the one i linked but thats not quite right

white, that is a lovely idea. Last Christmas, my cousin and my other cousin's wife sent me angels for the Christmas tree. A neighbour also sent me a decoration in the shape of an angel's wings. I treasure them and and will always think kindly of the people who sent them to me. There is a facebook page, Angel memories, I think which do things like that. I'll double check the name.

Orchid, those are gorgeous! We're getting one made of Aillidh's handprint.

Feeling very low today.

On Saturday, our fortnightly ceilidh dancing evenings in the village hall will resume. Aillidh loved these nights. So did her younger sister. So we're going. For her sister who's still alive.

this is the link to the page. They do lots of nice little things.

X-Posts expat.
that will be so, so hard for you. And Ceilidhs are full of happy, joyous music too. My Dad was part of an organisation here in Ireland, Comhaltas Ceoltoiri Eirinn, and at his funeral loads of the musicians turned up and played Irish music. He loved lots of different tunes but they played ( my Dad played the fiddle really well]] and also which my Dad would sing once he had a few whiskeys in him!
One of my cousins afterwards said "The happy music was sadder than the sad music!"
And it will be hard for you, to hear the music and know that she would have loved to be there! But most likely she will be there with you, expat, she won't want to miss it.
And you are wonderful to go for R. I think our other children end up dragging us along this road by the hand whether we want to walk or not!

Hi ladies, will check thread properly but just a quick hello.

Remembering Malachy Aidan who would be two now. All my love my angel.

minione are your Malachy and my Mia are very close in age? Her 2nd birthday is on Saturday. Maybe they are chatting together, being naughty, but sending us both love and light.

expat ceilidhs are such exuberant events, the dancing, the movement. I can see how it will be so hard to go along. But it's one of those things you do, even though your heart is breaking, because you know it's right.

chip right decision about the hospital. I am much more definite about not doing stuff unless it feels right for me, and it's simply too bad if that surprises or upsets others... And I can't imagine that Sylvie-Rose would ever want to change such a lovely name!!

whiteandyellow that is simply beautiful. Last Christmas, I wanted to buy crystal stars for each of the family Christmas trees, but I found gorgeous gold, silver and copper-covered leaves which seemed more appropriate for Mia. Yesterday I found a gold leaf pendant in a shop, and will go back to buy more as stocking presents from Mia.

3girlies amazed and humbled by your story, and the fact you are now back at work after all you have been through. Hope it continues to go well.

Three quite notable events for me yesterday 1/ We have now signed the papers for Mia's Wood, after the legals got stuck over the right wording of a covenant about never developing the land... such a relief. So the plans for a picnic there with Mia's friends on Saturday can go ahead. 2/ I had a 28 week scan, and baby is developing well. When I saw the scan photo of a perfect profile shot of my baby, I just fell in love. It looks so real - and looks a little like Mia too. 3/ Went to a friend's birthday dinner, and met another lady who lost her daughter as a teenager. She was so kind and lovely and wise, and generous to us both. But all I could think - oh god, there are so many of us, too many of us...

Happy Birthday, Malachy xx

Mias, it must have been so lovely to see your baby and comforting to see him/her looking like Mia. Do you know what flavour or is it going to be a surprise?

chip yes, we are keeping it a surprise. Like we did with Mia, we asked the sonographer at the 20 week scan to write down the sex in a sealed envelope... it drove the rest of the family bonkers! No real gut feelings one way or another. We thought Mia was going to be a boy. A couple of days before I received this BFP, I had a dream about cuddling a tiny red-headed girl baby, who wasn't Mia. But then last week, Mia's little friend, who thinks she is a star, suddenly announced "Mia has a little brother now!" DH did admit to half-trying to peek yesterday at the scan, but didn't see anything.

Hi ladies!

Sorry I haven't been around much - I haven't even been lurking... I've been actively avoiding this thread, almost phobic about coming here, so I apologise & confess that I haven't caught up with it all - hi to any new comers, so sorry you are here :(

I feel a bit ashamed, I received so much help & support, and feel I am letting others down. I just find it so hard right now.

At the end of next month it will be a year, and I'm dreading it... In RL one of my best friends, who has helped me a lot, is in hospital, and the other good friend is pregnant. I think I announced her pregnancy in February, but she wasn't pregnant then - she is now four months... I just knew she was going to get pregnant, even though she was surprised.

Sorry for not being around, I think about you all, lots xx

tami I have been wondering how you were, thanks for popping back to let us know. It is fine to admit that you sometimes can't deal with being here - great self knowledge, I think - and people do weave in and out, so please don't bother feeling guilty.

FWIW, I hope you find some way which feels right to mark one year for Tamsin. It is hard though, as if you are like me, there feels like there is nothing to 'celebrate.' I really had no inspiration at all, but I wanted to something. What has helped me a lot is doing something positive, Mia's Wood, as it helps me feel closer to her. I'm not saying though that Saturday will be easy, I'm sure no-one expects that. Perhaps you could offer a donation of time or money to SANDs or SM Ducklings Trust in Tamsin's honour? Or maybe organise a special session of reading at a local library of children's stories with rainbow themes? You write beautifully, maybe a poem? It just has to feel right for you. x

Miasmummy What a beautiful idea... I'd never thought about SM Duckings Trust. The library idea is also wonderful - we go there every week for 'Bounce & Rhyme' so I know that DD1 would love a reading session :)

I've been thinking of you, will be sending lots of love to you & hoping you have lots of cosmic cuddles with your beautiful birthday girl on Saturday xxxxx

Hey folks,

Sending everyone much love. And if you do happen by that thread, then please ignore the fuckmuppets on it.

Right, best get on. Got a reborn to feed and a baby to rob

Oh, dee, have you got a nine-year-old for me to abduct? Or how about a life-sized, 9-year-old reborn doll for me to lock myself in a cupboard with?

i'm sure my son sent me a feather.
last night i was talk to dh about what we have been talking about here, and about how some people believe angels leave feathers.
and i told him id noticed alot lately
he did poliety say im glad if that gives you comfort but that he didnt think there was anything in it.
we talked about this last night in bed
then this morning, i was sortign clothes out to go in the wash, i was empty int pockets of my jeans.
inside my jeans i had a little booklet of tesco vouchers double points things, but as i had only done little shops i was hanging on till i spent a bit more money, anyway, so i folded the booklet and had it in my back pocket
when i took the booklet out of my back pocket, i unfolded the booklet and went to put it on the side, as i unfolded it, there was a white feather inside!
the booklet was folded in half and in my pocket
that must be a sign om 100% sure

i told my mum and dad about this, they came to take me out for lunch, pretty sure they think im acting bonkers again, but when we came back from lunch, right in the middle of the living room floor was 1 white faether, that somehow appeared while we were out, dad said its probably come out of the cushions, but that doesnt explain how it ould have ended up in the middle of the floor.

chip, how wonderful for someone to send you those christmas decorations, i would be massively chuffed if anyone did that for me, i would be so touched

expat, were are you planning on getting that christmas decoration from?

on the subject of christmas, this is our forst one since lossing our son, i was wondering about sending dd a small gift form her brother but i wasnt sure if that was a good idea or not
what do you or will you do?

mias mummy, what actually is mias wood?
is it somewhere where you are growing a wood or where a wood already existes?
where did you get the christmas leaves from?

WTAF is that thread .

Hello all x I am sorry I haven't been around but I just wanted to come and offer a hug , and yes fioled wtaf !

that thread is actually evil imo, nasty nasty people

I am actually heartened to see that most agree it was an acceptable thing to do but yes the idiots are bloody sickening .

Now they are the height of bad taste .

Nice to meet you yellowandwhiteorchid , I dip in and out of here , my son died over 10 yrs ago , he was 14mths old and as much as I survive , I still love the fact I can come back to this safe haven .

hi travelling, nice to meet you too
i am so sorry to hear about you losing your son, how does it feel 10 years down the line? is there any truth in what people say that you wont get over it, but it will get easier?
do you have any other children?

my sons headstone should be coming sometime next week.

i sometimes think some people, think we should grieve over babies less.
well in fact ive actually been told as much, as my cousin lost her baby at 18 months and even my own mum who has on the whole been v supportive, said whats happened to my cousin is far worser than whats happened me as if its some sort of competion.
i tried to explain well holding your child in your arms and watching them die, is pretty much as bad as it gets in my book and burying your own child is pretty horrific too.

I am so sorry you have heard that from family especially , losing a child whatever age they are is properly shit !

I do cope a lot better now than in those awful early days , I think for me the pain will never go away and tbh I don't really want it to but I have stronger emotional muscles to deal with it .

We have been lucky in that we have gone on to have two more boys , which helps but does bring its own challenges , they know all about harry , I would never hide him from them but the questions can be tough .

Good to see you TW - I have missed you xx