'What I do think is probably different, is other people's reactions. I think people who never lost a child, seem to think that it's worse to lose an older child. That there was more to lose. That the stillborn baby or the baby who died from SIDS, is less of a loss, that there was less there to miss.
I don't actually get that from people who have lost a child, but definitely from those who haven't.'
YY, chip! Very well put.
You also get people who qualify loss if it's from, say, RTA, suicide, murder, etc v it's from a 'natural cause', or suddent v from an illness like cancer.
Again, never had that from anyone who has actually lost a child, and sadly, I now know many who have 
.
My good mate B, his son died age 18 from a bad batch of heroin. From the time the boy was 14, he struggled horribly with bipolar I disorder. His life, and that of his family, was hell as his disease progressed and he became involved in illegal drugs in a vain effort to control his symptoms the way the prescribed medication could not without side effects he found impossible to live with.
For years, B dealt with huge regret because he admits, at times, he sometimes wished his son were dead. But he didn't really, what he wanted was for him to be well and for the rollercoaster that is severe mental illness to stop.
It took him a long time to forgive himself. He didn't really want for S to die, he wanted him not to suffer. As he put it, you can't wish a person to die anymore than you can wish them to be well, bring them back, etc. Every thing he felt was a natural human response to watching your child suffer horribly.
We speak often about our children and losing a child.
He brought it up, too, how some people believe that it's somehow easier to lose a baby than an older child, and what a load of bunk that is.
'A loss is a loss,' as he put it.