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Bereavement

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MY son died

778 replies

mumof2teenboys · 04/07/2012 04:13

Don't know how to say it, but need to put it down. My beautiful son was found dead last night. I don't know what to do. He is 22 but still my baby, how do you begin to process something like this?

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 05/07/2012 07:31

So sorry to read about your son.

Badvoc · 05/07/2012 07:35

Very sorry.
You are in my thoughts and prayers x

Oblomov · 05/07/2012 07:46

Am so very sorry.
Friends of us lost their son, he was driving back from his first year at Uni.
Can't imagine the pain. So very sorry for you.

Dolallytats · 05/07/2012 07:53

I'm so sorry xx

heronsfly · 05/07/2012 07:57

I am so sorry,my prayers are for you.

WyrdMother · 05/07/2012 07:58

So sorry.

You'll "process" it in stages, as and when you become ready.

I hope that you, your family and friends have the kindness and support that you need.

mumof2teenboys · 05/07/2012 13:02

Thank you for all your messages, I couldn't come back until now.

His name is James, he is my oldest son, his younger brother found him dead in his flat, he had hung himself. He has bi-polar disorder and has been unwell for a while. He is funny, clever, articulate, a know-it-all and so beautiful. We are devastated, my younger son found him, how do we help him come to terms with that?

We had so many of his friends here yesterday, I never want to see grief of this nature etched onto the faces of young people, they are hurting so very badly and cannot make sense of the situation.

We will never know if James knew how much we love him and how much we need him to be here. his friends love him and admire him, he is the go-to person for advice and words of wisdom, one of his friends said yesterday that the only person who knows the words to describe how he is feeling is gone.

We have to plan his funeral, how do we do that? How do we say goodbye when we aren't ready to? How do we let him go on this journey?

I want him back, I need him back, I always thought that 'heartbroken' was just a word, it isn't, my heart is shattered and I don't know what to do.

His stepdad can't stop crying, he is my rock and my strength, I don't know how to help him, I can't take his and my other sons pain away. I just want to wake up and it all be a huge, horrible mistake.

Sorry for rambling, this is the first time that I have been on my own since we found James. I needed to be alone to gather my thoughts, but it isn't helping.

James, I love you, you are my beautiful boy. I wish that I had told you more often, I wish that I could have made it better. I'm so so sorry.

OP posts:
crazynanna · 05/07/2012 13:04

I am so,so very sorry mumof. I truly am Sad

Francagoestohollywood · 05/07/2012 13:09

This is devastating. I am so sorry mumof2 for the loss of your beautiful James.

Youremindmeofthebabe · 05/07/2012 13:12

I'm so so sorry. There are no words.

ChickensHaveNoLips · 05/07/2012 13:12

Your words are so moving and scream your love for James. Sending you lots of love and prayers x

MackerelOfFact · 05/07/2012 13:12

Mumof, I'm so truly sorry. Thinking of you and both your precious boys x

Maryz · 05/07/2012 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kasbah72 · 05/07/2012 13:14

I can't even begin to fathom the pain you are all in. I am so so sorry at the heartbreaking loss of your lovely son James.

BiscuitNibbler · 05/07/2012 13:15

I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

FriskyMare · 05/07/2012 13:17

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your family and all of James' friends.
He sounds like he was a wonderful person.
So sorry.

viagrafalls · 05/07/2012 13:18

Your words moved me to tears - am so sorry for your beautiful boy?

AngelWreakinHavoc · 05/07/2012 13:19

I can not possibly imagine what you are going through right now, Thinking of You all at this very sad time x x x

perfumedlife · 05/07/2012 13:20

mumof I am so dreadfully sorry.

A friend's son hanged himself last year at 36, also bi-polar. The year prior to diagnosis he was a happily married dad of two and then the help he needed just didn't come. The mental health care is so patchy for this illess, it needs addressing urgently.

I bet James knows just exactly how much he is loved x

Inertia · 05/07/2012 13:23

I'm so sorry for your loss.

ThreadWatcher · 05/07/2012 13:25

Crying here too :(
Mumof - I think that is the most heartfelt bereavement (sp?) post I have ever read on MN
So sorry for your loss
Thanks

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/07/2012 13:28

I am so sorry for your loss.

James knew how much you loved him.

May he RIP xx

hellymelly · 05/07/2012 13:29

I have just read your second post. All deaths of children are tragic but suicide is I think the hardest to deal with. My brother had a close friend all through school and he killed himself a few years ago. I think the shock was even greater than an accident, because we all felt that if we had only done this, or that, he might not have done it. My mother felt terribly guilty as she was very fond of him, having seen him grow up, and even though I saw him rarely, i still felt worried that I hadn't done enough. So your other son,your son's friends, even you, might have a lot of (unfounded) guilt along with the grief, and I think getting some help from cruse would be a good idea, for you ,his stepdad, and his brother. Bipolar is a very difficult illness and people do do things that in a different state of mind they would never normally consider. I really hope you all get enough help and support now, I have lost three friends to suicide, one your son's age, it is the most terrible waste and makes no sense at all. I am so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful amazing boy.

Monty27 · 05/07/2012 13:29

I am so sorry. I hope you and your family and James' loved ones find strength.

FoofyShmooffer · 05/07/2012 13:31

So so sorry Sad