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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

lost my baby at the weekend and I'm so sad

97 replies

weewilliewinkie · 27/02/2006 09:55

I was 15+2 wks, and had let myself believe that by getting past the first 12 weeks, everything would be just fine. I had a slight bleed on Friday and went to the hospital. The scan showed that the baby's heart had stopped. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I then had a d&c on saturday - however the pessary they gave me worked so well that I passed my baby before they took me in to surgery. I saw the little thing and just wanted to scream. I keep replaying the whole day in my head, every time I close my eyes all I can see is the blood and my poor baby.

I am just in pieces, I keep weeping, I feel a real pain in my heart. It's all very well for people to tell you that it was never meant to be, and nature was taking its course, and I'm not alone, but really none of that helps yet.

Can someone tell me that this pain will pass, that one day I'll feel better? I will never forget my little baby but I need to know that one day, I don't care when, I'll be ok.

I have a perfect 2 year old ds, without him I don't know how I'd cope. My dh is being amazing too. Thanks for letting me write so much, this alone has helped even if no-one writes back.

OP posts:

Report

jamiesam · 27/02/2006 13:31

weewilliewinkie - I'm so sad to hear about your loss. I've had two m/c but never so late as 15 weeks and can't imagine what you're going through. Sending you all my love. Must go as my boss is looking at me wondering why I've got tears running down my face.

Nightynight · 27/02/2006 13:50

Very sorry to hear about your loss

brightstar1 · 27/02/2006 14:01

WWW. So sorry. Have had m.c. ectopic. & lost my ds(5) I now have 3 lovely ds's.
Good things can come out of all this hurt.
Let yourself grieve & keep your babies memory alive in your family & don't feel silly!
Did you know the sex of your baby & did you name ds/dd? (Sorry if you've already said)

brightstar1 · 27/02/2006 14:03

WWW. So sorry. Have had m.c. ectopic. & lost my ds(5) I now have 3 lovely ds's.
Good things can come out of all this hurt.
Let yourself grieve & keep your babies memory alive in your family & don't feel silly!
Did you have a name for baby? (Sorry if you've already said)

brimfull · 27/02/2006 14:20

oh,www,I am so sorry this happened to you and your family.It is heartbreaking just reading this thread.
Just wanted to say,it's perfectly fine to cry all the time about something so tragic as losing a baby.
I have tears now .

I'm sure you'll find a lot of suppport on here.

weewilliewinkie · 27/02/2006 14:22

I didn't know the sex, always felt it was a girl though. Probably easier not to know.

I am feeling better now but really my grief comes in waves. anything can set me off, and everything on tv seems to be about new babies - can't possibly flick to discovery health any more..

have decided to start trying for another child again asap. I'm not bleeding at all after my d&c. I know I'm supposed to wait 3 months before ttc, but does anyone know if this is absolutely necessary? The thing is, I can't bear the thought of my lost baby's due date passing and not being able to feel another inside me. Not a replacement, I hope no-one thinks I'm being unfeeling or insensitive. I'm probably being far too hasty, maybe I'll change my mind as the weeks go on.

OP posts:

spacecadet · 27/02/2006 14:25

its up to you when you want to start trying again, whenever you are ready.
fwiw- i fell pregnant straight after losing my son 16 years ago, the result being my 14 year old dd.

jabberwocky · 27/02/2006 14:28

www, I'm so, so sorry. words seem so inadequate in a time like this.

cori · 27/02/2006 14:31

Over here they recommend waiting at least a month. I would agree with that because the first period you have after the miscarriage is usually quite heavy. I felt just like you, most of us are desperate to concieve again. It only took me two months and I was pregnant again by the due date. Now I am due to give birth around the same date as I miscarried, one year on.

weewilliewinkie · 27/02/2006 14:44

I do feel a kind of desperation to be pregnant again. I feel terrible because when I was pregnant I spent all my time complaining about how dreadful I felt, how much I disliked being pg. I will never, never compain again. Well, I'll try not to.

That's assuming I do get the chance again. This experience has certainly taught me never to take such a precious gift for granted again. I feel like I was so smug because I got pregnant almost as soon as we decided to try for another. We were so delighted, so pleased with ourselves.

The thing is, I did everything right; I don't smoke, didn't drink, didn't take anything that could possibly harm the baby....I'm getting so angry when I think about babies who survive when their mothers have done terrible things. For instance, I'm furious at Kate Garroway today. I'm probably being totally irrational but that's just how I'm feeling today. Must still be rather hormonal.

OP posts:

cori · 27/02/2006 14:52

It just seems so random. I did nothing different in the miscarried pregnancy thhn in the succesful one(s) .

You will never take a successful pregnancy for granted again. But you will probably whinge and complain again

Boopert · 27/02/2006 15:09

Hi Weewillie,
Read your post and had to put a message on. I lost a baby boy when i was 17weeks pg. Unlike you everything was fine when i went for a checkup. Baby was wriggling about perfect. But then i started to bleed, dh took me back in to hosp. Saw a different doctor who said baby was fine, i had an infection. Put me on antibiotics and told to stay in hosp for a night. Then all went pear shaped and my waters burst. All i could do was wait. They gave me a choice of either giving my son an injection to kill him or let him go naturally. So i stated in for 5 days waiting for him to pass away whilst my dh was at home with my ds (who was only 18months at the time).
I felt awful. Like i'd had my insides ripped out.
But that was 18months ago and now i'm 17 weeks pg again and very nervous. I had a stitch put in place to save baby and i'm off to a scan in 1hours time. It does get better. You need to give yourself time to grieve and heal. You never forget but the pain lessens and i'm so excited that all the aches and pains and morning sickness pale in significance to what i should (hopefully) get at the end of the nine months.
I hope this helps a little. And just remember your baby will always be with you watching over you and yours. Big Hug to you xx

Jackstini · 27/02/2006 15:22

So sorry for your loss www. Youe idea about planting a flower that will be blooming on your baby's birth date is beautiful.
You are bound to have a lot of questions in your mind about what to do next for the best - you should do whatever you feel is right for you personally at the time. Tons of hugs to you and your family.

eemie · 27/02/2006 16:02

Sorry you have had to go through this. I hope one day you will be able to feel glad that you saw your little baby, I think it helped me, though I only saw mine on a scan.

MC is always hard but having a two-year-old makes it especially difficult to take enough care of yourself, you have to be okay for them. Hope you can make extra allowances for yourself, take care

JonahB · 27/02/2006 16:32

www, I had a D&C when I lost my baby and got pregnant again after my next period. The medical advice i got at the time was that you just need to wait for your next period. FWIW, i dont think you're beeing unfeeling at all, i completely understand. I was exactly the same, hence, getting pgt again so quickly.

buffythenappyslayer · 27/02/2006 16:36

really sorry for what you are going through.i lost my baby at 12 weeks.i didnt see it though.it does get easier.i found that talking to other mnetters helped me. xxxx

cathyspam · 27/02/2006 16:36

Oh I am so sorry - that must have been so awful for you. Just to say that there is always someone here to talk to and I am thinking of you. Best wishes.

olivo · 27/02/2006 17:00

so sorry to hear what you are going through.
take care of yourself x

brightstar1 · 27/02/2006 19:00

WWW. good luck. Look after yourself.Try to take a break from the norm,and cry when you need to.
Use your friends,if their good one's they will listen & listen. If not you can go on all you like on hear.

welshmum · 27/02/2006 19:18

Www, my heart goes out to you, what a traumatic time you've had.
Planting a flower to bloom every year is a lovely idea, when it happened to me I went to a particularly beautiful river and threw a stone in to remember 'him' and I named him after the river valley. It comforts me to think of that place now. I hope you find comfort and peace too.
x

spidermama · 27/02/2006 19:41

I'm so sorry www. What a dreadful loss for you. I've lost two and the pain does get better. You're right you never forget them, but it will ease. Cry when need to. Take your time. Allow your feelings to come.

Look after yourself. xx

Greensleeves · 27/02/2006 19:56

Oh no. I'm so sorry, WWW xxx

7up · 27/02/2006 20:06

im so sorry for your loss WWW.

milward · 27/02/2006 21:25

boopert - xxx best wishes

CaptainDippy · 27/02/2006 21:28

I am thinking of you and praying for you. I am so sorry that you are going through this. No one can take away that child's importance to you and your family. Plant a tree or a flower for them and in time you will remember them with bittersweet fondness. I won't say that "time will heal", because there will always be an "unhealed" part of you that grieves for the baby you lost, but it will get better. //[hugs]] xxxx

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