My beautiful red-headed 13-month daughter died totally unexpectedly

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

I have never posted on mumsnet before, while my beautiful Mia was alive, although I read all the advice often. So I feel a bit of a fraud now - I can't be her mummy anymore.

She died nearly four weeks ago now. We had the most beautiful, touching service, with our families from all over the world with us, and we have been so touched by all the love shown to us by friends, friends of family, friends of friends, and even people who we don't even know.

But I hurt so much. The pain returns afresh each day, overwhelming me, even though I am managing to get up, get out of the house, and function on a basic level.

Mia wasn't supposed to die. She was so happy, developing well, eating well, with no sign of illness. But she was, it turns out.

I am her mummy, and she spent so much time with me. How could I not know?? How can we go on and adapt to a life without her? Obviously, people manage somehow, but I keep fighting the fact that she is really gone, and we will never see her smile again, kiss her soft curls or hold her in our arms. It is so wrong.

Oh what beautiful words from your DH. How proud Mia will be of her lovely parents xx

I am so deeply sorry for your loss Miasmummy. I'll be thinking of you, and sending you lots of love in the coming days and weeks.

Mia's Wood sounds so beautiful, I can just imagine how enchanting it will be, and I would love to contribute to it once you've started to plan it.

Take care.

I am very sorry Miasmummy.

I really don't know what to say, others on here have helped me tremendously and I hope you get some form of shared comfort, though I know that nothing can truly comfort.

Mia sounds absolutely beautiful - again I'm so dreadfully sorry xxxxx

Thanks karma and all the other kind peeps sending me your love. You are right, while it doesn't take away the pain, it is good to share my thoughts and feel like they are understood.

It sounds crazy, but I've had enough of feeling sick, feeling sad, feeling empty. But not sure an end is in sight.

I am sick of saying "I miss Mia." I want her back. That's it. I just love her so much.

Ah Miasmummy - I tried that. I tried to decide enough was enough I have to try and feel better. Everyone wants me to feel better. I need to feel better for my dp and dd1. It is so tiring being sad all the time. Tried and.....failed! Grief has a mind of it's own. But there are times now when I do feel better and I guess these times will get longer and longer. And there will be other times when it feels like we only lost her yesterday. I think we're in this for the long haul and it's a marathon not a sprint

It's so new for you. But please don't feel any guilt if you do have better days. It absolutely does not have any bearing on your love for Mia. It's just your mind giving you a much needed break xx

Sending you love and strength, I'm so so sorry xx

So very sorry for your loss. Words are so inadequate x

Words still help. They acknowledge that Mia existed, and that my love for her matters.

whatever not sure I am up for a marathon. Definitely don't have the build, or the training or the stamina. Can't I pull out of this race somehow??? I am already so tired.

So, very very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your DH. Your grief is so tangible - in tears for you x

I'm so so sorry for your loss. the wood sounds like a wonderful idea. life is so cruel and unfair.

Mia's mummy I'm sure you feel so tired & at the same time can't sleep.

If you can bear it make yourself have some exercise each day, maybe you & DH together. Just hold hands & walk, no need to speak.

As whatever said, grief has a mind of its own. Try & do things every day, snall things, but don't push it if it's beyond you some days or even most days at the moment.

Don't hold back the tears, your friends & family understand, they just feel for you so when they flow, but tears are cathartic even when you feel you can cry no more.

I hope you get a little rest tonight.

Now I find myself always hoping that Mia will visit me in my dreams.

I want to look after her, and feel her little arms around my neck and see that she is ok. I worry that she is sad and lonely, as she was always happiest with her mummy and daddy.

Just seen this thread. Sitting here with tears streaming. Don't have the words to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. The utter tragedy of losing your precious Mia. She's sleeping peacefully now. Take care Mia's mummy. x

Some beautiful advice from my aunt -

One breath at a time. Give yourself time. Not to get over this loss because you will always grieve, but to somehow weave her beauty, her love, your love and your terrible loss into a fabric that can be worn as a shawl of love.

I hope this shawl arrives soon. Life is so very cold and bleak.

I've never even met you and I wish so much I could take away your pain.
I hope your shawl arrives soon x

So desperately sorry for your loss xx

Oh my love it's so awful, I don't have words for this kind of tragedy

I'm praying for you, your beautiful daughter Mia and all your family.

Hope your shawl arrives soon too.

Be gentle on yourself Mia's Mummy

So very sorry for your loss. Mia sounds a wonderful little girl, so happy, vibrant and beautiful. She was very lucky to have such wonderful parents and such a loving family. I can't believe, don't want to believe that life can be so cruel. My heart goes out to you all.

All your responses are lovely. Mia was vibrant, beautiful, noisy, loving and busy - all the things a little girl of 13 months should be. She had the widest smile, as well as the most discordant, piercing scream you ever heard! My family would always be amazed at how much - quantity and variety - that she would eat too.

Mia visited me in my dreams this morning after I posted earlier this morning at 6a, feeling sad. I was able to cuddle her, and it was wonderful to see her again. She was happy and smiley, and that comforted me. I really hope she visits me often.

My DH has been at work for the past two days, and has found it very tiring, even if he doesn't feel he is accomplishing much. Yet I am so proud of him for making the effort. bossybritches22 You will be pleased to know that today, though, we went out together and had lunch, and then took a walk in the cold sunshine in a nearby wood, which has inspired us again in our vision for Mia's Wood.

abeautifulbutterfly I also can't believe that the world is such a cruel place as to take her from us. But it's the truth. It will never make sense to me. Somehow, some way though, I have to deal with it. I really don't want to. I fight it, try to ignore it, bury it. Then I catch my breath each time when the realisation hits me that Mia is gone, and the tears and pain begin again.

The really sad thing is that I am not alone in my grief. Too many others like me. It's so wrong and unfair. Yet they are out there, supporting women like me, being amazingly courageous as they face their lives, and they are helping me so much to face mine.

Life is so fucking unfair.

You are in my thoughts and I wish you peace and strength.

I am so sorry for your devastating loss. Your pain and grief for your beautiful little girl is so palpable form your posts. The shawl analogy is beautiful, and I trust that you will continue to feel her love like a shawl wrapped around you x

You have a very eloquent family, your SIL, DH & Aunts words have moved me to tears, how lovely they can express their thoughts in such a meaningful way.

I'm so glad you & DH managed to get some time alone together, and talk about Mia's Wood, you need that time as Mia's parents, as well as time apart being supported by other family/friends/work.

My family are wonderful. It's going to be hard when I am finally alone in the house. It means that I am going to have to finally figure out life without Mia. My week revolved around her, and I was about to start back in my own business so I could spend more time with her. All those busy little activities that we can't do anymore. And I have no idea how to fill the yawning gap in my life, let alone my heart. So lost.

It will be hard but I'm sure they'd come back again in a flash if you called.

Your life will find a new focus, eventually but there is no rush. Just do whatever you feel the need to do, or do nothing,at times. lots of little bits so you feel you have achieved somethiing however small.

Getting back to work, with your own business might help, I'm no expert & we all react differently to grief & bereavement, I'm sure there are /will be days when you can't get out of bed & others where you have a restless energy.

Sorry waffling now, time for bed I think!