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Original poster

My beautiful red-headed 13-month daughter died totally unexpectedly

999 replies

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 19/11/2011 14:12

I have never posted on mumsnet before, while my beautiful Mia was alive, although I read all the advice often. So I feel a bit of a fraud now - I can't be her mummy anymore.

She died nearly four weeks ago now. We had the most beautiful, touching service, with our families from all over the world with us, and we have been so touched by all the love shown to us by friends, friends of family, friends of friends, and even people who we don't even know.

But I hurt so much. The pain returns afresh each day, overwhelming me, even though I am managing to get up, get out of the house, and function on a basic level.

Mia wasn't supposed to die. She was so happy, developing well, eating well, with no sign of illness. But she was, it turns out.

I am her mummy, and she spent so much time with me. How could I not know?? How can we go on and adapt to a life without her? Obviously, people manage somehow, but I keep fighting the fact that she is really gone, and we will never see her smile again, kiss her soft curls or hold her in our arms. It is so wrong.

OP posts:
Flubba · 21/12/2011 06:54

Oh my MiasMummy it's no wonder you can't bring yourself to move things she played with and delighted in, and I can't see why you should, at least not for now. It might be nice to get yourself a Mia treasure box, so when you're ready to, you can put the little keepsakes into the box, possibly with a note about why each one is in there so you and your husband can look through it and remember.

You're right ~ little discoveries and victories are so very precious, and even more so now because of your story. It makes me take things less for granted.

Sariska · 21/12/2011 11:40

MiaAlexandrasMummy - you poor darling. I wish, I so wish words could change facts for you. But as they can't, I wanted at least to tell you just how vivid and beautiful I am finding your recollections of your lovely daughter. I do hope you keep sharing them, whether here or elsewhere in RL, for as long as it is of some help to you.

And I agree with the previous poster that there is absolutely no reason why you should put away things that Mia played with, or that remind you of her. Keep them out for as long as they are of comfort, however long that is.

Like some others on this thread, I have an acer tree in my garden and I have always loved its brilliant red leaves. When I look at it now, it reminds me of your little girl - and it seems even more splendid because of the association.

Wishing you and your DH a peaceful, sunny break.

X

Original poster
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 21/12/2011 14:37

habibu I love the thought that Mia could be a Viking legend, alongside the thunderous victories of great Norse gods. Her adventures might be on a smaller scale, but we shall sing and shout about her red-headed glory forever.

OP posts:
nicenivea · 21/12/2011 17:39

Miasmummy, I won't be able to MN for a couple of days, so I wanted to wish you and DH love, peace and lots of quiet moments with Mia in your hearts whilst on holiday. We will light more candles for you over Christmas and you will all be in my thoughts every day. Will remain here to listen and enjoy stories of your gorgeous Mia on your return. Many hugs xx

lisalisa · 21/12/2011 22:26

Miasmummy you write so eloquently it tears my heart to read all this. I so wish you some peace and strength going forward. The picture of your little girl in her highchair on your profile is stuck in my mind nearly all the time as are your words. I am usually never affected by threads on MN but this one has really grabbed me and shaken me.

I am so very very very sorry - more than words can see. Were you near to me physically I would hold you in my arms tight and sob with you.

Original poster
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 22/12/2011 05:05

Thank you everyone for all your love and support. We are off today, and it feels incredibly hard to be doing this trip. I am physically trembling. It is bringing home the loss of Mia even more, which I didn't think possible. I have her in my heart, her photos and passport packed, and some of her toys, and her special Christmas leaf.

But i just want my gorgeous daughter back. Oh darling. I love you so very much.

OP posts:
nicenivea · 22/12/2011 07:27

Oh miasmummy, hold tight to your DH. Mia is right there with you xx we are off in a moment too, sending you positive thoughts and cyber hugs, wish they were real xx

Bossybritches22 · 22/12/2011 07:54

Mia'smummy (&daddy) I hope the sunshine warms your bodies & hearts just a little. You have had such a dreadful last few months, my thoughts & prayers are with you for some peace over the break.

Love & hugs to you both.

Flubba · 22/12/2011 08:50

My DH and I will be thinking of you both. I will light a light for Mia on Christmas day.

x

GranddadofMiaAlexandra · 22/12/2011 11:30

MiaAlexandrasmummy may not be posting much for a little while. Please keep posting, as I know she draws a great deal of comfort from even the most simple post. The pain is not lessened though, and we all miss Mia terribly.

Flubba · 22/12/2011 12:04

:( Mia's Grandad ~ we are all so very, very sorry for your loss.

nicenivea · 22/12/2011 13:41

Miasgrandad how lovely of you to come here and post on Miasmummy's behalf. I am incredibly sad for the loss you have all suffered, it is dreadfully unfair.

Mia has captured the hearts of many in this community and we will keep coming back here for as long as it helps Miasmummy to talk to us. Sending lots of prayers your way.

RachelHRD · 22/12/2011 18:23

Miasmummy I hope you can gain some solace from your trip away. Mia will always be with you wherever you go - a beautiful bright star shining in the sky. Much love and hugs to you and your DH x

Miasgrandad I am so sorry for your loss - Mia is truly a special little girl and you must all miss her so much x

Bossybritches22 · 22/12/2011 18:37

MiasGrandad- thank you for you kind post we will certainly keep posting while Miasmummy & daddy are away. We are all so sorry for your dreadful loss & wish we could do more.

Please post here too if it helps you at all we'd love to hear more stories about your gorgeous Mia if you want to talk about her, but we realise how difficult it is.

Whatevertheweather · 22/12/2011 19:17

Miasgrandad your gorgeous grand-daughter has captured all of our hearts. I am sure you are so proud of her and your lovely daughter xx

habbibu · 22/12/2011 19:52

Bon voyage, little viking family. Your songs and stories are spread across the world.

lisalisa · 22/12/2011 19:57

She certainly has captured our hearts....xx

habbibu · 22/12/2011 19:58

I have an acer tree too. Bought on the first anniversary of our dd1's birth and death. And now its leaves will remind me of another girl who should be here but isn't.

Oh, it's a horrible sort of fellowship, this. But I'm grateful for it, nonetheless, despite wishing that none of us had to know anything about it at all.

GRW · 22/12/2011 20:10

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful granddaughter Miasgrandad, and I hope you can find some small comfort from the thoughts and prayers of all of us.
Miasmummy, I trust that the love you will always have for Mia will ensure that you continue to feel deeply connected her wherever you are in the world xx

pookiecat · 22/12/2011 21:24

Love and light to you, a beautiful girl that will never be forgottern xx

welliesandpyjamas · 22/12/2011 21:48

So sorry to hear of Mia's awfully sad and unfair passing. I hadn't seen this thread before. You pay a wonderful tribute to her in your truly honest and loving descriptions.

I'msure I won't be the only parent hugging their children extra hard after reading your sadness, and remembering how lucky we are to have them with us.

My thoughts are with you. She was beautiful, you're absolutely right. Xxx

ChocFudgeCake · 22/12/2011 22:03

Hello Mia's mummy. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my first daughter. I came to the conclusion that when we meet again and have all eternity to be together, this life here without her and all the pain will seem like a blink of an eye. Lots of hugs

Flubba · 23/12/2011 06:45

I dreamt about your beautiful little Mia last night and she was a happy wee soul.

chipmonkey · 24/12/2011 01:24

MiasGrandad also wanted to add, what a wonderful job you did raising your own daughter. I am also a bereaved mother and although none of us wanted to be in this situation, we lean on each other as we go. Your daughter bearing up wonderfully and we all admire her here!Smile

Mavend · 24/12/2011 01:32

much much love.there is nothing anyone can say to make it better.your little girl had so much love.I have recently read a lovely thing about grieving,it is called ball in a jar,about how you even begin to adapt to grief but if you can do google xxx pain never goes away ,but you try to expand your life to fit is the analogy,even though this is a very hard and painful process and may never be totally completed.Thinking of you at this time of year especiallly xxxxx

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