Just lost another long response. Can't do anything right today, even MN.
When I said my house was dusty, I meant it more comparing it to a SCBU, in reality, my house isn't that bad. Unfortunately, both girls have bad coughs and colds today, so I am trying to keep them away from Beatrice.
Feel so, so sad today. Keep being overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation and feel so bloody helpless that I can't do anything to make Beatrice better or make this painful situation go away.
The nurse and HV both came round today, and they looked so sombre. They obviously understand Beatrice's prognosis better than we do. The consultant has said she will be in touch later this week when they have more results back from Oxford.
Dh is doing too much. He hasn't stopped all day. He's been doing housework, cooking, washing, sterilising bottles and making feeds. He isn't the type to sit and relax but I think he's gone into denial and is working overtime.
I think I've managed to explain things to the girls. I have said Beatrice's brain isn't working properly and that if she gets ill she might have to go to Heaven, she won't get better. They don't understand, because they don't understand how doctors in hospital can't make something better. Right now, I'm struggling to understand myself.
MIL, her mum and my sister have all visited today. They keep smiling and saying we must enjoy Beatrice while she is with us, but I don't understand how we can do that really. I daren't take her out, or show her off to friends and family like I would a normal baby, because she seems too fragile and vulnerable. I can't even take videos of her with the older girls as they are full of the lurgy and I am trying to keep them away.
I'm really, really struggling today, I feel like any ounce of positivity I had had ebbed away. I can't bear this pain, I can't believe she is going to leave me.