Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My newborn girl is going to die, not sure what to do now.

1002 replies

cupofteaplease · 17/09/2011 12:09

I gave birth to our little girl yesterday at 1.15pm. They told almost straight away they thought she had Edward's Syndrome. Now they think her brain just didn't develop. Noone can tell us how long she will be with us, nobody knows.

My two dds are 6 and 4 and were so excited about their baby sister. They are coming to meet her later. How can I tell them she will die?

As she is breathing unaided and tube feeding, they are caring for her in SCBU, but I have said if they can't do anything, I want to bring her home to spend her last time. I wish we knew how long she had.

I think my heart is breaking.

OP posts:
KnottyLocks · 24/09/2011 17:27

If you are really concerned about the house, could you ask a friend to help you out so that you can focus on your lovely family?

LesbianMummy1 · 24/09/2011 17:28

Welcome home baby Bea. Glad she can hear you telling her you love her and will no doubt love hearing her big sisters voices too.

ColdSancerre · 24/09/2011 17:36

Welcome home Beatrice. It's so good to know she can hear you.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 24/09/2011 18:11

Welcome home baby Beatrice. Smile It is wonderful to know she can hear the love around her.

And as Knotty says, if you are worried about house stuff, maybe there is someone who can help you out at home?

Thinking of you...

TheOriginalFAB · 24/09/2011 18:13

How lovely that she is home Smile.

ohmeohmy · 24/09/2011 18:17

Welcome home sweet Beatrice. You have such beautiful children. It is really hard but do try to take care of yourself in whatever way you can manage. The shock can really take it out of you. I only really wept for the things that happened to my ds about 3 years later after a massage released a torrent of emotion. We keep going because we have to. Best wishes to all of you.x

FrauLindor · 24/09/2011 18:19

Glad she is home.

Is there a sure start centre nearby? Could they organise someone to help you with the house?

Or maybe there is a MNetter nearby who could help you out? I would if I were not so far away.

architien · 24/09/2011 18:21

If you were anywhere near here I'd make you all the cups of tea you'd want so you could spend all your time with your children. I think you are an amazing mother. The strength you show in your love is an absolute inspiration.
Welcome home Beatrice :)

thefirstMrsDeVere · 24/09/2011 18:23

I understand your worries about dust so on a practical note can I recommend anti bac cleaning wipes?

You can buy a bulk lot (all supermarkets have their own brand). They are handy because they damp dust as well as being antibac so they help keep the dust down for longer.

So pleased you have your girly home x

Conundrumish · 24/09/2011 18:23

Welcome home Beatrice Smile.

A shame whoever was staying didn't manage to keep it as you left it - is there someone who could help you out a bit with housework? Are you able to say where you live?

Take care Cupoftea.

Voidka · 24/09/2011 18:24

Glad to hear that Beatrice is home :)

katz · 24/09/2011 18:38

thinking of you all and praying for you and your family. Enjoy having Beatrice home.

youarekidding · 24/09/2011 18:56

Welcome Home Baby Bea. Grin

I'm so glad she can hear you telling her you love her and hear the sounds of her sisters.

Enjoy every moment with your Dfamily.

bubby64 · 24/09/2011 19:02

Glad you have your little Bea home, as long as the rooms she is in are reasonable, the rest of the house can be done as and when. Also, if someone comes round and offers to help, don't be afraid to say "yes, can you do a bit of cleaning?" When I bought my prem boys home, people came and offered help, and at first I'd say "no, that ok", or "do you want a cup of tea" etc but wish I'd had the courage to ask for the help I really needed! You need all the time you can get with your girlies, so ask them to do something practical instead.

SoupDragon · 24/09/2011 19:05

How lovely that you are all home together :)

DottyDot · 24/09/2011 19:05

So glad Beatrice is home and I hope you're getting all the help/support you need (with the added bonus of sleep from time to time?!). Thinking of you all xxx

strictlycomedancingdiva · 24/09/2011 19:15

Welcome home Beatrice, thinking of you all Smile

thefirstMrsDeVere · 24/09/2011 19:18

Do you have any friends or family you can ask to help do a big clean (with you sitting down and supervising?)

When I bought my DD home after a 6 week stint in hospital I couldnt bear the state of the house. Poor OH had tried his best but the place was filth.

I will never forget the kindness of two friends who helped me (I hadnt just had a baby - DD was 13) clean from top to bottom.

The poor things even hung the DC's clothes up the way I wanted - on hangers the same colour as the clothes and filed according to colour and type Blush

We literally started at the top and worked our way down in a day.

It really helped to have a clean and tidy house but you need to be with your girlies. Let someone else do the dirty work. I am sure there will be people who want to help. if you live near East London I am happy to come and have a go (I could clean for Britain if it were an olympic sport).

triskaidekaphile · 24/09/2011 19:39

Congratulations on getting her home and lovely that you know for sure she can hear you. Good luck over the next few days.

BobLoblaw · 24/09/2011 20:01

Welcome home Bea, I remember well how terrifying taking my dd home was, not being able to sleep or relax properly.

Have you been put in touch with the community nursing team? Ours are absolutely fantastic, they are there for anything dd/I need, they were happy to visit A LOT in the early days when everything was scary and I was too unsure to trust my own judgement on anything.

If you were my friend I would be genuinely pleased to clean your house, I'm sure people want to help in any way they can.

bibbitybobbityhat · 24/09/2011 20:01

I am sure you will have many rl friends and family asking if there is anything they can do, so now is the time to ask them to come and do your housework/shopping/laundry whatever. They will want to do it, their offers will have been quite genuine, I am sure. Do take them up and spend all the time you can with your family.

BuffyFairy · 24/09/2011 20:03

Sorry for posting so late on your thread, was only just catching up on the Oct baby bus.

Congratulations on your beautiful Beatrice Primrose, all of your girls are so gorgeous. She is a little fighter for sure and I hope you'll have more positive news. At least she is at home surrounded by your love.

Will be thinking of you and your family.

Four4me · 24/09/2011 20:56

So pleased you are all at home together.

Totally agree with bibbity when our ds1 was on special care our friends repeatedly asked if they could do anything to help. We asked one to cut the lawn, one washed all the cot sheets etc etc. They like to feel useful. Anyone that asks get them to come around and do some cleaning if that is making you feel unsettled.

So wish the mn gang could whizz round for you.....

Enjoy your bundle and let tomorrow worry about itself, no-one knows what it may bring for any of us good or bad.

Massive hugs.

ColdSancerre · 25/09/2011 08:35

Morning cupoftea, how was Beatrice's first night at home?

Becaroooo · 25/09/2011 08:55

Welcome home Bea!

Hope you had a decent night cup

Wrt the dust, as another poster said damp dusting is the way to go...either use anti bac wipes or one of those e cloths barely damp...its so much more effective than polish!!! (this is how hospitals were cleaned in my day!)

Is there any chance of perhaps getting a cleaning company in for a thorough clean???? Not sure how much they charge for a 1 off deep clean?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread