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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My Dad is 64, has days to live and I'm falling apart.

172 replies

StarlightMcKenzie · 24/03/2011 17:08

That's it really. I just can't believe the last 7 weeks. On recommendation of a physchiatrist he had been referred to for moderate depressoin, he had a brain scan and was was diagnosed with a mass in his brain 6cm by 8cm which through brain surgery at the National Neurological Hospital they managed to removed completely.

I had a reaction 5 days after the operation and we nearly lost him.

Just over week ago he was declared completely cured and plans were made for him to go home with a scan every year for 5 years. They just wanted to check out a dodgy blood test.

The blood test triggered a scan of his kidneys where they found he had a tumour 10cm. This, apparantly wasn't too concerning and he was packed off to the Royal Free for treatment.

2 days later we were told that he had had a scan that had shown the kidney was treatable but the damage that it, and the two brain operations plus drugs etc. had done to his liver was untreatable. He was diagnosed with an extremely agressive cancer too advanced to treat and given just days to live.

I just cannot believe what he has been through. He's barely able to communicate with us now he is so ill as his liver is so enlarged it is making its own toxins which are killing him.

I'm so gutted. He isn't even retirement age. I just don't know what to say to my mum.

OP posts:

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ViolaTricolor · 28/03/2011 18:04

So sorry, Starlight. It's lovely that you were all there for him. Thinking of you and yours.

MollieO · 28/03/2011 18:06

So sorry to read this but at least it sounded as if he had a lovely and peaceful end. You were there and that is the other thing that will be a huge source of comfort in the coming months. Be kind to yourself and take the time to grieve.

QuickLookBusy · 28/03/2011 18:07

Oh Starlight I'm so sorry.

My Darling Dad passed away 5 years ago tomorrow. I was there at the end and it brings me great comfort to know he was surrounded by his family. I'm sure you will feel the same.

Be kind to yourself Starlight. x

Becaroooo · 28/03/2011 18:18

star

So sorry to hear about your dad.

Glad you were all with him at the end and that it was so peaceful.

xx

gettingout · 28/03/2011 18:29

So sorry to hear about your loss, but I'm really glad you were all there together at the end.
Sending you strength for the days ahead.

ArthurPewty · 28/03/2011 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecretNutellaFix · 28/03/2011 18:32

Starlight I am so sorry for the loss to your family, but so glad you were able to be with him as he slipped away.

amberlight · 28/03/2011 18:36

Deepest sympathy and prayers....

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/03/2011 18:37

Starlight

Was most sorry to read of your Dad's passing.

There is no timetable for grief and peopel grieve differently. Be kind to yourself.

CRUSE are always helpfu as well, you could always contact them as well in the days, weeks and months to come as well if you felt the need to.

silverfrog · 28/03/2011 18:42

I am so sorry, Starlight.

I am glad you were able to be there, and that it was all so peaceful.

THinking of you at this difficult time.

usualsuspect · 28/03/2011 18:43

so sorry

5inthebed · 28/03/2011 19:20

Oh Star, I am so very sorry. I am glad you were there with him.

DebiTheScot · 28/03/2011 19:21

Sorry to hear your dad has passed away star. Sounds as though he went in the best way and I hope one day you can take some happiness from that. xx

aristocat · 28/03/2011 19:27

so sorry star thinking of you and your family

ilovesprouts · 28/03/2011 20:00

thinking of you allstar

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 28/03/2011 20:01

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad Starlight xxx

waitingforgodot · 28/03/2011 20:08

Starlight, sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking of you. Glad you managed to say goodbye in style x

chipmonkey · 28/03/2011 20:15

Starlight, so very sorry, love. But what a lovely way for him to go! You sound like a lovely family.

TheTimeTravellersWife · 28/03/2011 20:28

Starlight, I am so sorry to read your news.

suburbophobe · 28/03/2011 20:35

I just had to reply, my dad died of cancer 2 months ago, it went so fast, I am still in a fog, it is so unreal (while trying to deal with everyday life)..

the differences in hospitals too we experienced

I can relate

Big hugs to you!

StarlightMcKenzie · 28/03/2011 21:25

Thank you everyone. It is helpful to have this thread.

sub so sorry for your loss too.

OP posts:

almondfinger · 28/03/2011 21:54

Aw Starlight, so sorry for your loss. My dad died of liver cancer 1.5 years ago. Like others have said, it's a ba*&^%d of a disease.

But what a lovely way to go, surrounded by his wonderful family and a special bottle of wine. It won't be of much consolation to you now but it will be a fond memory that will get you through the tough times ahead.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks as you lay him to rest.

Take care of yourself,

big hugs.

FannyPriceless · 28/03/2011 21:59

starlight You have my sympathy. Really truly sorry for your loss.

TigerFeet · 28/03/2011 22:02

i'm so sorry
what a lovely way to go
take care of yourself x

StealthPolarBear · 28/03/2011 22:05

So sorry SM - he was so young

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