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Bereavement

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Original poster

Am waiting for THAT call.

61 replies

bonkerz · 14/10/2005 23:21

My mums in hospital. She has been ill for years but got really bad 2 days ago after being in hospital for 7 weeks. Her liver and kidneys have failed and doctors say she wont make it through the night. Am in Basingstoke with all my family (havent been together for atleast 20 years like this) Hospital have rung to say that she had a fit and is in a comatised state. We are now waiting for the call to say she has gone. How am i meant to be feeling? Im hoping for her sake its quick because the woman i saw tonight is not my mum. She was incoherant and im not even sure she knew i was there. how do i deal with this? Ive been very sheltered from death and have never seen anyone this close to going!

OP posts:
hunkerpumpkin · 14/10/2005 23:23

I'm so sorry, Bonkerz. I'm glad all your family is together - have no idea how you cope with it, just wanted to post. I'm so very sorry

FrightfullyPoshFloss · 14/10/2005 23:23

Are you sure you don't want to go in?

So sorry this is happening to you. I hope it happens peacefully for your mum. xxx

WigWamBam · 14/10/2005 23:24

Oh, bonkerz, I've no idea how you deal with this but couldn't not reply. I'm glad you've got people with you to help deal with this. Lots of love, hope you're coping OK.

lockets · 14/10/2005 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

soapbox · 14/10/2005 23:25

bonkerz - sounds awful

I would go to the hospital now tbh!

So sorry for you

Original poster
bonkerz · 14/10/2005 23:27

hospital have said there is no point going in as they are trying to stop the fits. She is unconcious and hospital have said they will not resusitate. Was there for 5 hours tonight and she had the fit witin 20 minutes of us all leaving. We have all said goodbye and left her with music on and stuff , i know we cant do anything else.

Its horrid seeing someone in this state, she wasnt the woman i know and love. We are all preying its quick and painless. Just feel completely numb cos i need to be strong for everyone.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 14/10/2005 23:29

You don't need to be strong for everybody at all; the rest of your family are big and ugly enough to look after themselves. Don't put too much burden onto your own shoulders.

Original poster
bonkerz · 14/10/2005 23:32

thanks WWB. Havent told DS or DSD what is happening as was on holiday and have had to cut it short. They know nanny is poorly and in hospital but how do you tell a 4 and 5 year old that someone is dead? Am really trying to keep it together for them and also this little girl in my tummy. Why is life SO unfair.

Does this sound stupid but i feel too young to be an orphan.

OP posts:
HuggyBear · 14/10/2005 23:32

thoughts to you bonkerz

((( hugs )))

Aero · 14/10/2005 23:33

Bonkerz - I'm so sorry. Off to bed and just about to shut down pc and saw this - couldn't ignore. Wish I could offer something more helpful/comforting...........You will be strong when you need to be, Im sure but just make sure you too have someone to lean on, and take care of you. Thinking of you.

Aero xx

WigWamBam · 14/10/2005 23:34

It doesn't sound stupid at all.

Don't worry about what you're going to tell the children; you'll find the words when you need them.

I wish I could jump down the internet and give you a hug, you sound as if you could use one.

Aero · 14/10/2005 23:35

me too WWB.

HRHQoQ · 14/10/2005 23:35

hugs to you and your family Bonkerz - not really sure what else to say

hester · 14/10/2005 23:36

So sorry, bonkerz. I'll be thinking of you.

RTKMonherBROOMSTICK · 14/10/2005 23:50

Oh Bonkerz I don't know what to say apart from wanting to send you love and hugs {{{{{{{{}}}}}}}

Original poster
bonkerz · 15/10/2005 00:20

still no call. am going to try and get some sleep cos im the only driver who hasnt had a drink! thanks everyone for the thoughts.

OP posts:
HRHQoQ · 15/10/2005 00:21

hope you manage to get some sleep - shall be thinking of you.

hunkerpumpkin · 15/10/2005 00:22

Night, Bonkerz. Don't feel that there's a right or wrong way to behave or that you have to act in a certain way for other people xxxxxxxxxxxxx

dramaqueen72 · 15/10/2005 00:32

Am SO so sorry to read this bonkerz
hope you get some sleep. I'm off to bed too but wanted to say something to you first. how awful on your holiday too, sounds like not quite the break you hoped for.
sending you much love
take care xxxxxxx

skinnycow · 15/10/2005 00:34

bonkerz - there is no right or wrong way to feel but i do know how you feel. my mum died just over 8 years ago on ds's 1st birthday and the day before she had an angiogram and the nursing staff told us everything was fine but when we went to the hosp in the evening they broke the news that she had a massive aneurism (sp?) and definitely would not survive. She died the following day. None of us got the hospital on time but wished we had even though she was in a deep coma. Im an orphan too and it does take some getting used to. CAT me if you would like to discuss. Hope you all get through the night peacefully. x

Redtartanlass · 15/10/2005 00:52

My thoughts are with you Bonkerz

Slave2Babe · 15/10/2005 01:14

so sorry bonkerz

Kazziegirl · 15/10/2005 08:08

Thinking of you bonkerz

auntymandy · 15/10/2005 08:12

No one can tell you how to deal with it. You just will. Its not easy. but remember it is ok to get on with life. It is ok to laugh. It is ok to do what ever you feel like doing. There is no wrong and no right. Take comfort in whatever comforts you. Laugh at the memories and cry at them too. Try and look out for each other, there will be times you want to scream at your family.
Take time for you to grieve..you dont have to be the strong one. Be truthful with your children.
My love to you

Nemo666 · 15/10/2005 10:32

bonkerz hunny nobody can tell you how to feel as death affects us all differently. I have cried tons for people I barely knew who died but then people close to me I havent shed a tear and done the 'have to be strong routine'. The thing is hun you dont have to be strong you have to try and work out what you need. It may not hit you straight away it may take months or years to hit you..doesnt sound very positive but what im trying to say is dont be trying to feel a certain way just wait and see how you naturally feel. I am probably confuddling you..lol You know where I am if you need/want anything..or phone me hun just to rant.

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