anyone is grieving for a parent

[2shoes]

I know there is an existing thread where lots of lovely people have supported each other through what is a horrid time, but as I come up to the 2nd Christmas without my dear old Dad and SM, I would like to somehow move on and I suppose help others through this as well as helping myself.
(hope that doesn't sound crap)
so a bit of background
My mum died when I was 18 after years of ill health.
so I got a SM.
we weren't close close but got on well.
she became ill and died a 1 1/2 years ago, then my darling Dad got ill.
he died 6 months(or there abouts later)
I miss him every day.
and thank the lovely Mumsnetters who have helped me through this.
but i can't post on the old thread,
it takes me right back there, so I am hopig a new thread, will get us all talking and allow new posters to join in.........

Long may they not fully understand, and when their time comes, maybe we'll be able to be the support they need. Until then it's mumsnet for me!! I do have people I can talk to. My DH is very understanding and supportive. He met my mum just a few weeks before she died and put up with a lot of crap in the months that followed, (ie. me being utterly horrible to him, trying to push him away, almost testing him). He was only 23 and it's to his credit that he stuck around.

I am close to my DBro, but not physically so see him very rarely. I love my dad very much, but have not lived with him since I was 17 (parents were divorced) and although he would do anything for me, he doesn't always understand what is needed IYSWIM!

Just rambling now really! But really, it is good to have a forum to share like this, to people who know exactly what you mean (most of the time!) even if you don't actually know them in RL!

Dizzy hope you're doing ok too. I can see how what's on the news at the mo would bring stuff back. It must have been so tough not to feel free to grieve.

Thank you Jezabelle. You never forget do you?When my Dad died five years later we were just about to move house, ended up moving the day before the funeral, so again was too busy to grieve properly at the time. I do sometimes have a tearful few minutes even now. Grief is not a finite emotion but people expect you to 'get over it' in a certain length of time. Time softens the edges but doesn't take it away altogether.
My thoughts are with everyone who has lost a loved one. xx

Oh Dizzy, you lost your Dad too? I think I would feel like an orphan if I lost my Dad, even at 36!

With regards to grief not being a finite emotion, someone told me they heard women on radio 4 (woman's hour I think) talking about losing their mums. Talking about the deep effect it had on them, even the really old ones, but I guess that's no big surprise on this thread, age makes little difference at these times. It was apparently about how the grief of losing a mother strikes again and again at significant times in your life. I'm sure this is true of losing a significant father in your life too.

I would love to hear that show but have never found it.

So sorry for all your losses, i lost my dear Dad almost 4 years ago and i still miss him just as much now as i did in the begining, .
My eldest was only 18 months and has very little memory of him although she does say she wishes he could come down form the sky to see her,my youngest wasnt born and i hate that they dont get to have him in thier lives
the way i did, he was such a character and becuase of him i luaghed every day.
Its tough right now, my Mum is still so lost, and with my Brother getting Married this year she wishes my Dad could share the day, he would of been so proud.
I always feel sader this close to the aniversary of his leaving us , i go to his grave every week and chat to him,
time may make things easier but i think a part of you leaves with them :( xxxx

Hello mummypud, welcome to our support thread. I think we all know your sense of loss and I'm sorry for yours.

I think certainly, that a part of you goes missing when your loved one passes.

It's lovely that you can go to a place and chat to your Dad. My own Dad was cremated and although we have a plaque, it doubt it's the same as a grave iyswim? I talk to Dad wherever I am, but I would love a place to go...

I know what you mean with regards to your children. My Dd was under 20 months and is now nearly 4.5, but it's surprising what she does remember; I just hope that it continues...I hate the thought that she wont remember him. She lost her paternal Grandma 3 months before my Dad and she didn't see her very much, but comes out with some really jaw dropping stuff in reference to her Grandma Pat. I'm sure you like me, wont allow the memories to fade away.

Come and vent, remember and chat on here if and when you need to; it wont go unanswered for long.x

My parents would have been so proud of my children. My DD in her nurses uniform when she started uni last year, my eldest DS in naval cadets uniform ( my Dad was in the navy during WW2) and my ASD DS winning his two running races last week. I think of them both at those special moments and wish they were still there to give them the love that they gave me. They both taught me how to love and how to bring up my children to be the wonderful young people they are today and I will always feel privileged to have been their daughter.

Bump.

Yes :(

Nearly 6 months on that Mum died, and I still think about her every day. I still remember everything about that awful day.

We scattered Mum's ashes at the weekend; in the pouring wind and rain.

I can't bear the fact that dd2 starts school in September, and Mum is not here to see her in her school uniform looking adorable.

I hate the fact that she has gone with a passion.

And I am sorry for everyone who has to go through losing a loved one.

pouring rain and wind - sorry got carried away.

SOL, My Dd also starts school in September and I'm sorry that my Dad won't see her in her uniform too...Dads funeral was held on the first day of Ds's secondary school in 2009, so he missed that too although I know in my heart that Dad was there as Ds read a poem in Church that day, looking so smart, wearing the uniform that Dad had paid for...
Your Mum and my Dad will be watching our Dd's as they go to school in their new school uniform and they will feel just as proud as they would if they were straightening their ties for them and sending them off with a clean tissue tucked into their pockets ~ I just know it :)

Oh Solo, it is so hard isn't it :( I am sure you are right though with our loved ones watching over us and our dd's as they take the next step in life.

I believe that we can count on it, I really do.

My my is 70 today; Dad missed that ~ and the party we threw last weekend, but Mum really, really enjoyed herself ~ probably more than she admits, but admit it she did and that's great as far as I'm concerned...
I know we wont ever stop missing our folks, but it seems that life can still be enjoyable at times and I imagine that our loved ones that have gone will be the last people on our daughter's minds as they start school in a few months and actually, I think that's a good thing ~ for them.

My dad died this morning. Totally out of the blue. I can't really take it in.

Oh Springchicken I'm so very sorry.

Thanks CB. It's been a horrible unreal day - my mum phoned me mid-morning, when I was on a coach on the way to a trade show. I said shall I come home and she said no, go on with your day, and I went to the show and thought, it's OK I will just have my work head on and be fine, but there were a couple of people there who are mates as well as business contacts and I ended up howling all over them.
I told my DS this evening, and he said (after some thought) Well I'll be your dad now you haven't got a dad, which I did think was quite sweet.

Oh that's such a thoughtful thing for your ds to say - I wouldn't have been able to stop crying.
I lurk on this thread as I lost my dad last Christmas - I'm still coming to terms with it and cry easily ( still grieving )
I hope your mum is coping - sending love and strength to you all.

xx

Thank you. I keep thinking no, that didn't really happen, my dad is at home and going off to bed and muttering about putting the rubbish out.
At least I saw him last week - DS and I went over for the day and had a lovely time, and Dad drove us home in the evening...

You know when my dad was in hospital he was so weak he could barely talk ( we knew he was dying ) but he was still asking my mum if she'd put the rubbish out - he thought he was going home.
I forget he's not here sometimes - I was the youngest and he spoilt me rotten lol - I miss him so much.

Try and get some sleep now ok - (( hugs ))

I've started my own thread so as not to hijack this one. Very glad of MN tonight. My head is spinning with memories of dad.

Ok xxx

Sorry to hear of your Dad's passing SGB. Please don't feel you are hijacking tis thread; lots of people pop in and out of here just to get support on a bad day, or just to share a memory or two, so please do feel you can too.

We all understand what every one of us has been through and are still going through...losing a parent is heart wrenching and we all share that. It never truly goes away, though it does sometimes feel easier.
Be kind to yourself and remember to eat as it's easy to forget to care for your needs.

My Dad died 12 years ago and I just miss him so much at the moment, I think it's because when you are having those big life moments you just desperately want to share them and you can't and it's brutal.

DS2 is having his 2nd afternoon at primary school, he starts in September, and this morning when I dropped him at pre school this morning, a friend had her Dad with her and he was saying 'Grandad will you see you after big school and take you for ice cream" And boom, it was like a knife in my heart, had to get home ASAP before the tears came.

I also feel a little bit pathetic as I have a meeting later with DS2 teacher about something I feel pissed off and angry about but presently feel unable to articulate myself.

I need to get a grip. If my Dad were here now, he would tell me to go in there and get on with it and don't come out until I am happy!

Off to wash my face and do some deep breathing.

I keep remembering my dad saying, when DS was a baby, 'I'm only sorry I might not be around to see him grow up' and me saying, don't be daft Dad you're good for another 20 years.' Well he had another 5 years with his grandson so DS will not forget his grandad.

SpringchickenGoldBrass So very sorry for your loss.

I haven't been on this thread for ages, so glad it is giving people support.
I am going through a bad patch where I think of my dad a lot, probably as I have a new W.AV. with a lift and a up and down bath for dd.
omg he would have loved this and been so pleased for us.

That's great SGB, that your Ds knew his Grandad for five years; my Dd was not quite 2.8 and although she recognises his photo's etc, she doesn't really remember him, which I find so so sad...
I hope you are doing Ok. It's so hard to cope with losing a parent that you were especially close to. I know. Lots of us on this thread know. Just take care of your needs as we often forget to when this happens.

2Shoes! glad to see you again. Sorry things are so difficult atm for you. You know that you can vent whenever you want to on here though.x