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My mum is about to die

123 replies

alfiesmum · 08/09/2005 18:39

My mum has ovarian cancer which has now spread throughout her body, she is only 54. She was moved to a hospice last night, she is very weak and may die at any time. I went to see her today and was shocked to see how bad she has got so quickly, its been less than a week since I last saw her and she was sitting up and talking normally then. She can now hardly talk or breath and is drifting in and out of consciousness.

I think mum dad wants me and my sister to be with her when she dies, but I can't bare to see her like that. I can't stop crying and i'm in floods of tears all the time but can't stop myself. I have not slept in days and to make things worse i'm pregnant and due in eight weeks.

Will I regret it forever if i'm not there? I am not someone who shows my feelings easily and I don't think I have ever told my mum that I love her. I wanted to today but she kept drifting off and didn't know what I was saying. I have left everything to late, I wanted her to know that I am having a baby boy but she was too confused to understand.

OP posts:
Marina · 12/09/2005 12:04

Alfiesmum, I am so very sorry your mum has died. I have just seen this thread. My thoughts are with you all. The shock of being there when she died will pass, but being able to tell her you love her, and getting a lucid, loving response, will remain with you. Lots of love XXX

Cam · 12/09/2005 12:06

Bless you alfiesmum for being so brave and caring to your mum, and I offer you my commiserations for your sad loss. xxxxxxx

Kazziegirl · 12/09/2005 13:04

Thinking of you and your family alfiesmum.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 12/09/2005 22:41

So sorry to hear that your mum has passed away Alfiesmum

I know your are in a very dark place now but I promise you it will get better and you will cherish those last moments that you spent with her which are so precious.

xxx

Lonelymum · 12/09/2005 22:55

So very sorry to read your last post Alfiesmum. It has brought tears to my eyes. I am glad you were able to tell her you loved her before the end and that she told you the same back. That will count for a lot in the days and weeks to come.

Milge · 12/09/2005 23:14

I am very sorry for your loss Alfiesmum. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family tonight.

hi5 · 13/09/2005 00:25

Thinking of you and your family and the sad loss of your mum - I have tears down my cheeks, it sounds like you have a strong and caring family; you have shared this unwanted event and your ability to talk about your feelings and emotions will strengthen the loving memories you have of your mum.
Sending out supportive thoughts to you.

ggglimpopo · 13/09/2005 07:36

Message withdrawn

Kayleigh · 13/09/2005 07:38

So sorry to hear about your loss Alfiesmum.

sobernow · 13/09/2005 07:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flossam · 13/09/2005 11:08

So sorry for your loss alfiesmum. So glad though that you got to spend such a special time with your mum as she passed. I hope the coming weeks and months pass ok for you and your family, will be thinking of you as I have been. xxx

greenbean · 13/09/2005 19:38

Thinking of you at this sad time.

shelly24 · 13/09/2005 21:45

Alfiesmum:there are no words that are going to express how you are feeling right now,but i wanted to send you my deepest sympathies and all the love in the world to you and your family....now is the time to be there for one another(and take extra special care of yourself and 'bump').
My mother died of breast cancer 7 years ago,she was 53,and i was 17,doing my A-levels and caringf full time for my mother through those hardest times.
I empathise with you when you mentioned in an earlier message about not expressing your feelings very well and not telling your mum that you loved her enough...i would forever tell my mum that i loved her,but she hardly said it back,instead she would buy me things to show her love,that was how she was,an incredibly hard faced women,who had had a tough upbringing,but who i knew in the end loved her family dearly,and who thought the world of me.My mum told me she loved me the day before she died...for the first time ever,and it meant everything to me.We had planned to go on one last holiday the november before she passed away(she died in the march),but the cancer took over really quickly by the time the holiday came around,she was adament i should go and insisted my best friend should take her ticket...she kissed us both goodbye,and held tightly to my hand...three days into the holiday we got a phone call that she had passed in her sleep.She hadn't wanted me to see her die,but i wish i had been there,not only to hold her hand but to help my dad get through it too.But she had told my dad to tell us to stay on our holiday and to not come home till it was over,when we did get back,her funeral was the next day.
Loosing your mother is one of the most heartbreaking things to go through,and its something i think about all the time.My advice to you is to gather your family around you,and remember your mum,altogether.
Remember she will be looking down on you all the time,and when you have your little boy she will be sitting at the end of your bed,with the proudist smile ever.x.x.x
Don't be afraid to talk to your mum,i often natter away to her when i'm alone,or need her strengh or advice,i know she is watching out for me,and most importantly is in a better place.x
Please look after yourself alfiesmum,remember that your mum will always love you,nomatter where either of you are,and she passed away knowing that you love her very much too...and she will always watch over you and your family...i hope you don't mind me sharing my story,am having abit of a tough time myself right now(but thats a different story),remember your not alone if you need to talk on mn,we are always here.x.x.(((((hugs))))to you.x

Dior · 13/09/2005 21:51

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 13/09/2005 21:51

Alfiessmum, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

lou33 · 13/09/2005 21:56

So sorry to hear your news.

Yorkiegirl · 13/09/2005 22:11

Message withdrawn

suedonim · 13/09/2005 22:42

I'm so sorry about your mum, Alfiesmum. Eventually, those last moments will fade away a little and the good memories will come to the fore and make you smile once again.

Springchicken · 14/09/2005 08:50

I'm so sorry alfiesmum
Apologies if you were trying to let this thread rest but I couldn't read your message without posting my most sincere sorrow.

You will keep going over those last few minutes in your head for a while yet, but they will pass and you will have lovely, beautiful memories of your mum.
It was only a few weeks ago I was elling DP that I had been thinking about my grandad alot but i had been thinking of good times and funny little sayings he used to have. And it was only last night DP and I were laughing about a photo of his dad dancing around in the back garden in a pair of dungarees and a sunflower.

I know it doesn't seem like it now but i will get easier x

SecondhandRose · 17/09/2005 08:16

Just thought I'd search for this thread and realised what I've missed. Alfiesmum, sorry to hear about your Mum. Her pain has gone now. You will keep going over and over it, it will get better though.

It's been a few days now, I hope your head is a bit clearer and you've got some sleep.

Take a look at your photos and find a really nice one of your Mum when she was well and get it copied for the family. I found a lovely one of my Dad in a straw hat,wearing a pink shirt on holiday when he was well, his brothers and sisters were really pleased to have it.

Keep posting

winnie · 17/09/2005 08:24

alfiesmum, I am so sorry. thinking of you x

Wordsmith · 23/09/2005 15:58

Alfiesmum, sorry if resurrecting this thread brings back any pain but I just wanted to say how sorry I am. My dad passed away the day before your Mum, and everything you say in your posts before and after the event could have been said by me. I am so sorry for you. It's really hard - it must be harder for you because your mum was so young. My dad was 80, he had been diagnosed with a lymphoma only a month ago and was waiting for chemotherapy to treat it (which TBH I don't think he would have been able to cope with). Shortly afterwards he developed a chest ifection that the antibiotics couldn't seem to get rid of, then he started to have trouble breathing and was taken to hospital and put on oxygen. They told us that night (Thurs) that he wouldn't recover from the infection, and that it would be quick, probably within 4-24 hours. Like you we (mum my 2 brothers and I)stayed at the hospital round the clock, taking it in turns to be there, and he died at 8.30 on Saturday with my Mum holding his hand and my brother there too. I got there half an hour later and he looked as though he had just fallen asleep. It was his funeral on Tuesday. I am still waiting for the truth to hit me.

It meant to much to me, mum and my brothers (and I hope to Dad too) that we were able to be with him and tell him how much we loved him at the end. Luckily he wasn't in pain and the end was quite peaceful. But I will miss him so much.

What makes me cry is the thought of my two little boys growing up without their granddad - he was such a super granddad. My 5 year old loved being with him, pottering around the garden, walking in the woods; somehow being with him calmed him down and made him less of a manic little boy. My 1 year old will probably not remember him.

I wrote the following eulogy for his funeral; the minister read it out for me. I couldn't have done it myself.

"My brothers and I will miss our Dad more than words can say. To each of us he was very special and we all have our own memories of him as we grew up. I particularly remember the stories he used to tell us in bed on weekend mornings: Goldilocks and the Three Bears and Little Red Riding Hood especially, and how he could do a very convincing scary wolf voice. There are also many happy memories of holidays on the beach in Wales, when he would spend hours helping DB1 construct detailed irrigation systems in the sand, before finally letting the seawaters flood in. And to DB2 he was an invaluable fishing coach, passing on all his trade secrets from father to son, until the son regularly began to bring home a bigger and more impressive catch than the father.

Each of us can recall countless occasions on which his support and wisdom proved invaluable and showed us the right way to proceed. I have relied on him so many times and I was as proud of him as he was of me when he walked me down the aisle of this church on my wedding day to DH. But perhaps the role to which he was most suited in life was the one he had so little time to enjoy: as grandfather to DS1 and DS2. His love and enthusiasm for the boys, his endless patience with them, and their fun and mutual delight in each other's company has enriched their early lives and I am sure that DS1, especially, will never forget him.

Dad's strong faith meant he did not fear death. He will always be with us in our hearts, and the example of love, patience, tolerance and kindness he set for us will be our guide for the future."

I hope your memories of your mum will be happy ones, alfiesmum.
x

Pol25 · 15/11/2005 15:27

Dearest Alfiesmum,
My mother died from a spread cancer from her breast which happened many years later after two mastectomies and I cannot imagine what it would of been like if I had of been pregnant.
My mum did much the same thing- one week was fine, in pain but at home and the following week had died. My middle sister and me (i'm the youngest) were with her nearly all the time and slept at the hospital when things got bad. She was so confused and so upset; and it made me terrible... I was all tears and a snotty nose(!) but I would say I did not regret any of the time I spent with her.
She died when my sister and I had nipped home to change and the nurses said they did not know how she had hung on so long but were sure she wanted to die alone without her girls there to make them even sadder. At the time I was cross with her and felt cheated that I hadn't been there the moment she had gone and been able to say goodbye. I did go into her when she had died and before she went to the chapel of rest and I felt she was still there tho, waiting for us to say goodbye to her. I saw her the next day at the chapel of rest and she had gone. It wasn't mum anymore, just her body but no one there really.
Don't underestimate that she did not know what you are saying, i'm sure she does. I know that deep down my mum knew what each of us said to her we had some very small recognition of it through a twitch or a semi smile.
Good luck with your new baby and remember your mum would be proud of you and smiling looking down on your family. I'm sure she would love to know about your baby boy, it's never too late to tell her.

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