table manners, help!

[peaceandlight]

do your kids constantly clown around at the table?
ds1 and ds2 (9 and 6) do and i am fed up with it.
They make alot of silly noises, push there glasses around, bang knives and forks and generally ast the goat.
am i just overreacting as i do feel depressed at the moment?

If mine mess and leave the table the meal for them ends!! I have few rules but the table is my biggy!!!

agree with m2s
if they start misbehaving then they leave the table. i can't stand bad manners at the table

what do you consider bad manners as opposed to just giddy children?
I'm not sure whether they really are terrible or i am just very irritable.
I have just dumped their sweets in the bin because they refused to queiten down

same here - even DS2 (nearly 21 months) gets booted off the table if he's messing with his food.......one could argue "but he's only young" - but I know that he knows he's supposed to sit properly and eat - and not stab the table, throw the food etc etc - and I know that he can (and generaly does) sit nicely.

bad manners would be:

getting down from the table
playing with food
shouting
poking each other
banging things on the table

etc etc

to be honest, anything that you have asked them not to do. if they carry on doing it then they get punished

You are right to want to take action. Table manners are important. if they arent listening to you then you need to take action and be consistent with it. If you say you are going to take away their pocket money or throw their dinner in the bin/not let them have pudding - then do just that - they'll get the message soon enough. As long as you are setting the example - there is no reason why they shouldnt do exactly as you do at the table.....! I hate bad table manners - my 2 yo doesnt get away with it!

Agree that table manners are very important. We have always sat ds at the table with us at dinner time even if he doesn't eat anything because we want him to get used to it. I love that dinner scene in The Incredibles though.

NO FORCE FIELDS AT THE TABLE!

pmsl

Agree with starlover.How can you go out without them totally showing you up!I was bought up to with good manners &want my dsx3 to be the same.does anyone think manners are totally going out of the window!Even my 3 look at me when children are misbehaving,parties etc.I think it`s getting harder & harder to keep your children under control,too many bad influences!

I read an article in the paper quite a while ago now by a lady with a son of around 6 or so
It was a while after his birthday and she received a letter from his godmother asking if he had liked his present. The lady replied that, of course, he had loved it.
Cue reply from godmother "then why didn't he write and thank me?"

The woman was mortified and realised that she had been so busy trying to bring her son up to be confident and outgoing, making sure he went to a million after-school clubs, etc etc etc that she had forgotten about manners

It's sad really. I also think that there has been this kind of culture of letting kids do what they want and "expressing themselves". Also, not telling them off in case you hurt their feelings and letting them pretty much do what they want.

Now we are realising that in fact children DO need (and want) boundaries and that letting them "express themselves" and behave however they choose does more damage than it does good. SOmetimes children don't want an explanation of why they shouldn't do something... they need to be told not to do it!

My charges also have to have good table manners... ive looked after them since they were 2 1/2 and 4, now 3 and nearly 5...

our rules are basically.... they sit at the table... on the chair PROPERLY.... feet under table, bottom in middle of chair etc and sit 'nicely'

they also have to eat 'nicely' using knife / fork / spoon as tools to eat appropriate foods...

at the moment i let them choose, but as long as they arnt using their fingers i dont really mind.

they also have to wait until everyone has finished before they get down.... and only when everyone has eaten the required amount of food nicely is pudding served....

Then its pudding time

They can eat their pudding 'nicely'
or it goes away...

if theyhavnt eaten enough of there main meal, then thats it.... no pudding

they can have there meal saved for if they are hungry later...

or else they can wait until next meal.

Genrally my charges have V good table manners and sit nicely and eat all / most of their main meal and pudding happily and 'nicely'

In fact only 3 times in 9 months have they gone without pudding, (and thats a total of them both!)

So when do you think its reasonable to expect them to sit nicely etc? At what age? or stage?

once they are out of a highchair and sitting at the table

I generally agree with above comments and I try to encourage niceness at the table. My children do mess, and tease each other and it is an on going constant time of reminding them to sit nicely, feet uner table , knife and fork in hands, don't eat with fingers, sometimes there is total peace and the kids just eat but it is a time when we chat and discuss things. I tend to try to introduce rules on a gradual basis so at the moment we are concentrating on taking smaller mouthfuls and not talking with food in your mouth.