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Original poster

16 week old hates his car seat ...

53 replies

sheeplikessleep · 28/06/2010 17:23

... any similar experiences? If so, how did you overcome or when did they grow out of it?

He literally screams in it all the time, no matter how fast the car goes. DS1 loved his car seat, fell asleep as soon as he was put in it, so this seems alien to me.

We haven't yet visited the in-laws, who live 250 miles away and I'm dreading the journey there. I'm hoping there's something I can do to stop him crying.

Thanks for reading.

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Traintastic · 28/06/2010 18:36

Yes ds was like it. He did grow out of it but not until he was 2, sorry, I know that must sound a long way of. A lot car seat haters are much happier when they are big enough for a forward facing seat, think mine was just awkward! He's 3 now and brilliant in the car, just loves looking out and chatting about what he can see. I think before he was 2 he just didn't have the language to actually have full conversations and got very bored, no matter how many fancy toys or funny faces mummy pulled!

Of course there is a chance that he is actually uncomfortable so if you have made sure he is sat comfy or maybe take some of the padding out if you can and see if it makes a difference.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 28/06/2010 18:39

2 does sound a way off! i am just looking at toys at the moment online, to see if there is anything that i think might work. i might first try hanging some of his playmat toys from the handle, to see if that makes a difference.

how on earth did you do long journeys? i can manage 20 minutes of on-off crying, but i just don't know how we're going to do a 4 hour journey, especially with a nearly 3 year old too! eek!

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Galena · 28/06/2010 19:10

We had a carseat hater - her record was an hour and a quarter of full-on crying. With long journeys we'd do them in the evening, so bath her and instead of putting her in her cot we'd put her in her carseat. Then she'd usually fall asleep as we drove. We could generally get there just as she was waking up (200 miles, 3hrs, no stop!).

We also invested in a car DVD player and hooked it up to the back headrest. It would keep her amused till she dropped off. If you get a dual screen one it will keep the other one amused too!

She's certainly happier now she's forward facing.

rebeccacad · 28/06/2010 19:20

Hi there

have you actually tried a long journey yet? DD HATES short (under 40 min) journeys around town - too much stopping and starting etc. She screams bloody murder. It's awful and I want to drive in to a wall just to get a bit of peace and quiet.

BUT I've done quite a few long motorway journeys and as long as I time it so she's well fed, dry and ready to sleep she conks out as soon as we get on to the motorway and doesn't wake up until we stop (ensure car has a full tank in advance!).

We have also this week (18 weeks) found she is a bit happier in it when awake as long as I tie lots of toys to head rest for her to look at.

I'd also second the advice to leave at bedtime - it has always worked for us.

Oh and we have started putting her in the carseat with toys inside the house during the day - just for 15 mins. I stay with her and play etc. so she doesn't just associate it with crying.
Good luck!

Gracie123 · 28/06/2010 19:31

We also still travel at night (256 mile journey to visit family, so same as you!) and DS is 2.5yo.

As long as he is well fed, warm, in pyjamas and has his teddy he usually will go to sleep. Not always though

Traintastic · 28/06/2010 19:37

We just didn't go on any really long journeys I'm afraid! I couldn't handle hours and hours of crying. It's strange though because even now before we set off on a longish journey of an hour or more, I still panic thinking he's going to kick off and he's 3 and fine in the car now but I got so used to dreading going out in the car.

We used to try and keep all journeys to a 30 minute max which because of where we live meant that we could get to Hull, Doncaster or Sheffield without any fuss so wasn't too isolated. Any long journeys and we timed them around his naps so an hour and half on way there while he slept and an hour and half on way home while he had his second nap. Was a nightmare when he cut down to only one nap a day as it meant we could get to places while he slept but couldn't get home without crying!

All worked out in the end though, once he could really talk and ask endless questions, he was fine .

Sorry didn't mean to scare you by saying he was 2 before he grew out of it, I am hopeful that your ds isn't as stubborn as mine and you wil see improvement much sooner- if not then at least you know he won't be doing it forever!

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 28/06/2010 20:13

Galena and Gracie - that sounds a good idea to do it on an evening. But shouldn't they have a break every 1.5-2 hours? I thought I'd read that somewhere? I've been looking into car DVD players and toys.

Rebeccacad - no, we haven't tried a long journey yet. Good idea to put him in seat in daytime at home. He is OK with that. TBH today, after 25 minutes of crying on the motorway, I got home, soon as he was in house, he was full of smiles, even still sat in his seat whilst I got DS1 out of the car.

Traintastic - I'm the same, I dread going out in the car. It's fine for 10 - 20 minutes, but a 4 hour drive really makes me nervous. DS1 just sits there, really sad looking at him. It's going to stress us all out and I hate the whole screaming until coughing / gagging crying

I'm going to try the visual stimulation route first and see if that helps.

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Galena · 28/06/2010 20:18

I decided that, since we only did the long drive occasionally, she would cope without a break. I reckoned that 3hrs solid driving in peace FAR outweighed 1.5hrs in peace and then 1.5 with screaming!

fairimum · 28/06/2010 21:21

What seat do you have? both mine hated their maxi cosi until took the foam insert out the back of the headhugger/wedge, this made them much straighter (seemed to tip their heads forward a bit with it in!)

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 28/06/2010 21:25

hmm, it's a graco, my sisters. i don't think it has a headhugger or wedge (we used one when he was newborn, but no more). shame, cos that would be very easy to fix . thans for posting

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MummyElk · 28/06/2010 21:28

something like this may help (we have a slightly different round one, but similar idea)
and i think this looks quite good...

and have you tried a dummy? i found DD1 loved her dummy in the car, really soothed her in an unknown environment

MummyElk · 28/06/2010 21:30

ps the reason i mentioned the mirror, whilst it's useful for you to look at him, it's also interesting for the child to look at themselves or whatever reflection in the mirror.. seems to distract them somewhat... that's the idea anyway!!
good luck

intravenouscoffee · 28/06/2010 21:30

DD hated her car seat for long journeys so we managed to borrow a different one from a friend. Is that a possibility? With the first stage car seats some only last up to 9kg so quite often people have one packed away somewhere. The borrowed car seat made all the difference even though they looked pretty similar.

MarshaBrady · 28/06/2010 21:32

Ds2 hated the car seat. At 6 months we can drive 10 minutes before he cries.

I wouldn't subject him to a long journey .

Can they visit you?

Or go by train?

The crying / screaming is horrendous and distressing imo.

fairimum · 28/06/2010 21:33

Maybe see if you can get one of the birth-4 seats that go both rear and forward facing? borrowing it would be ideal!

good luck though xx

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 28/06/2010 21:39

mummyelk - they look good, the toy in particular.

intravenous - i did think that today, as my other sister has a spare car seat, to ask if i could borrow it for a week, just to see if he still cries in that.

marshabrady - don't get me started . in-laws haven't yet met ds2, because they've got pets / can't travel and fil isn't too well (despite the fact he is currently in the midst of fitting a complete bathroom) . i think as neither of them work, the thought of a long journey is too much for them now. i've asked dh whether he'll pick them up and take them back a week later, but he thinks it's because they won't want to be away for a week. he's going to speak to them. i so hope they visit here, and then we can visit them in a few months. but i don't think it will happen.

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Loopymumsy · 28/06/2010 21:46

This reply has been deleted

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katieskids · 28/06/2010 21:47

My ds2 hated his car seat so much that I even went out of my way not to make any car journeys.... until I took him to a cranial osteopath ......and a miracle happened after only 2 visits! I thought it had to be worth the £30 initial visit to try it out.
He changed overnight, he still loves going in the car (19m) and points to my car to ask to go in it. Is a visit worth considering?

abdnhiker · 28/06/2010 21:47

DS2 hated the car seat my parents bought for when we visited them. We literally could not go anywhere without him screaming but he was happy in his car seat at home. I'd second the poster who said to try a different car seat (borrowed).

MarshaBrady · 28/06/2010 21:51

I really don't think other people understand how bad it is. But you won't be able to drive and it will be horrible for your baby if he hates it.

If you can't find a solution will you still go?

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 28/06/2010 21:55

thanks all for posting.
i'll definitely try borrowing a different seat and some toys.
katieskids - he did go to an osteopath when he had colic, so i'm guessing if there was anything physical, it would have been picked up on. i genuinely don't think he likes being restricted and finds it boring (plus i do tend to feed to sleep, so even though i make sure he has a full tummy before we head out, he finds it difficult to drop off and gets overtired and so fractious in the car). ho hum!
anyway, he'll be up in a couple of hours for a feed, so i'm off for a bit of shut eye.
thanks again all for posting - tis appreciated.

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Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 28/06/2010 22:01

marsha - i am putting my foot down on this, but trying desperately to find a solution first (hence my post). dh really wants to take him to meet his folks and i do too, but i said i'm not prepared for ds2 to get so upset for so long. dh says it doesn't happen every car journey, but i feel it happens in the majority of car journeys and when it does, he is inconsolable and gets himself so worked up, it's awful. it isn't just like a bit of moaning or crying. it's full on, can't breathe for crying screaming. i'm not happy to subject him, ds1 or us to that for such a long journey. even when i've stopped the car, to get him out and console him, he stops, but then starts again as soon as i put him back in his seat. i just hope we can find something that works, or else i will be the awful dil (i don't have the best relationship with them at the best of times!).

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MarshaBrady · 28/06/2010 22:17

It was exactly the same for us. Screaming and inconsolable and not due to hunger.

So, so awful. Plus unsafe. I was driving and I couldn't bear it. If you can't find anything that really works then do dh round trip. I really regret doing a 20 min drive wth was I thinking.

I hope every one listens to you. It's fine to say no imo.

Gracie123 · 29/06/2010 05:10

This really annoys me when people say they can't visit because of their pets! Fine... Then I can't visit because of my child. Which do you think is more reasonable?!

I would say if the iLs are not willin to come and see you and LO, then thy have to wait until LO is old enough to travel.

FWIW we have plenty of family who have met DS (2yo) yet because they live a 13hour flight away. They moan about it all the time and offer to pay our tickets to come visit them, but I'm not willing to travel that far with small DCs (we have another one on the way so will be even longer now). I just apologise and point out that they are always welcome to visit/stay with us, bu we won't be able to travel with DCs because of x,y,z.

They can moan all they want, but they are refusing to travel too, and you have a valid reason!

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 29/06/2010 14:39

i agree with you Marsha and Gracie on everything you say, but they are dh's parents. i do really want them to meet ds2 (and also see ds1 who they've not seen since christmas and he is coming up to 3 years old). it's very difficult, as they have a habit of making dh feel guilty in a very unobvious way. it is driving a slight wedge between me and dh, as he feels we should just go and that they won't change / visit here. he avoids confrontation, so hasn't really had an open conversation with them about it. i have asked him to, as i think they'll think we're just being lazy not visiting, when there is actually a genuine reason (although i think they'll doubt it).

i'm sure it'll work out okay in the end

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