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Original poster

How would you have dealt with this situation?

62 replies

overmydeadbody · 14/06/2010 19:29

7 year old boy. Very consistant mum, what she says goes. Normal evening routine, he's just had supper, cleared away his plate, and is playing in the sitting room. He is given a ten minute warning before time to get ready for bed.

Then that time comes.

Mum: Ok, can you go and clean your teeth, wash your face and get your PJs on.

DS: No, I want to play for a bit more.

Mum: Go and clean your teeth and get your pyjamas on please.

DS: No, I am going to play for longer.

Mum: Go and clean your teeth and get your pyjamas on now.

DS: If you say that one more time I will loose my temper.

Mum: Go and clean your teeth and get your pyjamas on now.

DS: Don't say that again or I will loose my temper.

Mum: Go and clean your teeth and get your pyjamas on now.

DS: I said, don't say that again or I will really loose my temper.

Mum: Go and clean your teeth and get your pyjamas on NOW. LISTEN TO ME.

DS: NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, I am warning you, don't say that again or I will loose my temper.

OP posts:
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moondog · 14/06/2010 19:30

Take all toys away and silently escort to bedroom.
Probably leave there.
Don't repeat yourself.

Original poster
overmydeadbody · 14/06/2010 19:31

What the hell is one meant to do apart form get really really cross and frog-march the boy to the bathroom and clean his teeth for him?

What would you have done?

OP posts:
Original poster
overmydeadbody · 14/06/2010 19:32

oh moondog, I got sooo cross with him, and now feel guilty and cross.

OP posts:
Othersideofthechannel · 14/06/2010 19:32

Well, if I having a good day, I'd have probably asked 'why' when he said he wanted to play a bit more and negotiated a win-win compromise... the cars get parked, then we head upstairs

moondog · 14/06/2010 19:32

I wouldn't get crosss.
I wouldn't argue or respond or interact really.
Just take upstairs and leave there.

FabIsGettingFit · 14/06/2010 19:32

I would have taken him by the hand to took him upstairs.

Though I could have just yelled. Depends how I was feeling.

Original poster
overmydeadbody · 14/06/2010 19:37

I was trying to not react to his rude comments, as I assumed he wanted a reaction, so I marched him to the bathroom by the arm, with him pulling away the whole time, and then lost it and got very cross indeed and let him know I would not tolerate rude backchat no matter what.

The problem is I fear he thinks he was well within his rights to state what he stated

Tomorrow I will be more patient.

OP posts:
SherbetDibDab · 14/06/2010 19:37

It's normal, he's just testing the boundries. You just need to remind him exactly where they are.

I think I would tell him that is not how he speaks to you and if he doesn't comply by the time you count to 3 then the consequence will be x.

Original poster
overmydeadbody · 14/06/2010 19:38

Would you really not get cross moondog? If your child where so rude?

Would you feel cross inside but not show it, or genuinely not feel cross by the lack of respect?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 14/06/2010 19:40

i wouldn't have got into the whole repeating yourself thing
I mean, he did warn you that he'd lose his temper if you said it again, so you said it again which wound him up!

Mum: Ok, can you go and clean your teeth, wash your face and get your PJs on.

DS: No, I want to play for a bit more.

Mum: Go and clean your teeth and get your pyjamas on please.

DS: No, I am going to play for longer.

THEN you should have broken the cycle and said something like "no, it is bedtime now. you've had your warning and now we're going upstairs. If you'd liek me to take you up I will. If you want to lose your temper that's up to you, but you ARE going to bed"

TrinityTrinityTrinity · 14/06/2010 19:40

I wouldn't have said it so many times tbh

three times then led to bedroom/bathroom and left

colditz · 14/06/2010 19:41

I don't think he was rude, actually, I think that this is what happens when you try too hard to be An Understanding And Approachable Parent - they learn how to get their own way without 'naughtiness'.

It looks exactly like you were arguing with a pre-recorded version of yourself.

I can't really offer you any advice because in my house, if directions aren't complied with, I take their prized possessions away for a week, lock those things in a cupboard, and they end up in bed anyway.

I Have The Purse, and Most Things In This House Belong To Me Anyway.

moondog · 14/06/2010 19:41

Over, I'd be cross inside yes, but I know enough about behaviour to know that it is counter productive to do this, generally speaking.

With my ds, he often wants to play more or watch a dvd fro longer. If he does not respond after 2 or 3 requests, i just swoop in, switch off tv or take toy.

moondog · 14/06/2010 19:42

I agree with Colditz.
Especially this bit:

I Have The Purse, and Most Things In This House Belong To Me Anyway.

Original poster
overmydeadbody · 14/06/2010 19:43

You're right Sherbert, I need to remind myself of that.

ThisisYesterday thank you, I respond like that on a good day, today I was tired and stressed, quite often the repeating myself like a broken record works with him, but I should have listened to what he said and chaged tactics to get him to bed.

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bluecardi · 14/06/2010 19:43

Say - you can play when you're ready for bed. The quicker you get ready the more time you'll have. Here's a clock/timer see if you can beat the clock/your best time.
Then when he's ready let him have a short play - show him the clock to know for how long.

moondog · 14/06/2010 19:46

My secret weapon

thesecondcoming · 14/06/2010 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz · 14/06/2010 19:47

The whole issue is getting him to stop playng iin the first place though - I don't think that giving him more play time will help him to stop when he's asked.

bluecardi · 14/06/2010 19:48

After he's ready it might be possible to divert his attention to a story in his room - something quieter

colditz · 14/06/2010 19:52

he's seven bluecardi, not a toddler, it's unlikely he'll allow someone to renege on a promise so easily.

tightwad · 14/06/2010 19:52

im sorry, i dont recall a dead body in my living room when i had the very same conversation with my ds tonight.

i will tell you what i did:
me: go upstairs right now and do as you are told otherwise every single piece of that leggo will go into a bin bag and to the charity shop after dropping you at school in the morning.....

ds: agggh, im going

lalalalala.

stomping up the stairs.....

i am pure evil and would have no issue with binning all of the bloody fucking leggo so its a valid threat and ds knows it....

Original poster
overmydeadbody · 14/06/2010 19:52

Colditz he didn't get his own way, I'm in charge in this house and always have been, and I don;t tihnk I try too hard to be an understanding and aproachable parent. I aim to be a firm consistant parent, if anything.

He was not just parrotting back what he has heard me say. I don't use that phrase or threaten to get cross or angry.

I will take on board not to be so repetative in future, three times then I intervene, without getting cross.

In the situation, I found myself unable to think of an appropriate consequence to him not doing what I said, which is why I ended up just repeating lyself.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 14/06/2010 19:55

After two or three time I would have said No DS you will do as I have asked now or you will go to bed early tomorrow night (and I would carry that through if needed) if he took no heed of that I would as others have said taken the toys away and taken him to bed.

colditz · 14/06/2010 19:55

ok.

It's just that your transcript of the conversation makes it difficult to tell who is actually in charge during that conversation. Both of you are repeating yourselves cyclicly, both of you are not listening to the other person. I understand that tone is all, and is missing in text.

Sometimes they WILL be angry, crying and pissed off with you, and actually, that's ok.