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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD is a melodromatic whinger!!!!! HELP!

83 replies

onebadbaby · 21/05/2010 08:01

I can't help getting angry with my 4.5 year old dd. She just seems so emotional all the time. Her only way to deal with a situation is to cry, wail and generally scream.

I wouldn't mind if she had a genuine reason, but the volume and "dramaticness" of her cries hardly ever matches the problem.

For example this morning her curtain fell down when she tried to open them- I was busy getting dressed and heard her start to cry from the room next door, after a second or too the screaming got very loud and piercing and I rushed in, imagining a scene of carnage, only find dd lying on the bed face down yelling and nothing else untoward except the fallen curtains. Why didn't she just come and say "mummy, my curtains have fallen down" ?

These dramatic incidents occur at least once a day, and at school. it's not just the dramatic ones either, other small things lead to bouts of tears that other kids just seem to deal with.

I have really lost patience and sympathy with her this morning and told her that there will be no sweets tonight (her once a week treat). She is now mortified! (lots more wailing and hysterics). I feel silly punishing her for crying but how else can I stop this behaviour- when she is happy she is a very happy, confident child- she seems to just melt when anything goes wrong.

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Original poster

onebadbaby · 21/05/2010 08:11

Just dealt with the last bout of wailing. DD dangled foot in cats face, cat put out paw to bat it ad caught her sock with it's claw- dd thinks dramitacally injured, screams oooowwwww and bursts into floods of unstoppable wailing snot and tears. Take off sock, not even a tiny scratch on her foot, cat not even penetrated the sock. Finding hard to have sypathy.

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 21/05/2010 08:15

Mine is a bit like this. She is 6.

Maybe tell yours if she screams so dramatically over small things you won't know when she is really hurt or upset.

differentID · 21/05/2010 08:15

I know it sounds weird, but does she know the story of the boy who cried wolf? If she does, maybe read it to her again and explain that if she keeps doing the whole performance over small things, when something big happens no one will believe her?

bran · 21/05/2010 08:22

I think what I would do is check for obvious signs of blood/broken bones and then ignore. One of DS's friends is very like this and tries it on when she comes to play, I just say "I can't understand you, come and talk to me when you've calmed down." and then I walk away.

Original poster

onebadbaby · 21/05/2010 08:32

Thanks for the advice- bran- that is exactly what I say to her- it does help to calm her down quicker, but it doesn't seem to prevent her from doing the same thing next time.

She has always been a dramatic child, from the minute she was born- when she was a baby she put us through hell because she used to scream and make herself sick if she wasn;t picked up within seconds of starting to cry- this theme just seems to have continued...

OP posts:

bruffin · 21/05/2010 08:34

I would go with the boy who cried wolf story as well.
Just be matter of fact and withhold sympathy until you know there is a genuine reason for the tears.

seeker · 21/05/2010 08:36

One of my dd's best friends is like this - she is now 13! Not what you want to hear - sorry! Her friends now just sigh wearily and ignore her until she gets over it.

hazeyjane · 21/05/2010 08:42

HaHaHaHa - sorry for maniacal laugh, but dd1 (4) is completely like this. We have had about 6 meltdowns this morning already,

'Daddy, don't go to work...' wails for 20 mins

'My dress is wet....'wails (tspnful of water on dress)

'Dd2 snatched my Cinderella....wailllll!

I am exhausted by it, and worried for her too, she does it with her friends, and they just look bored by it and walk away, which makes her wail even more.

It is very hard, because I feel cross, sad and bored by it all at the same time.

Original poster

onebadbaby · 21/05/2010 09:32

So glad it's not just mine then- sounds like it's a girl thing too. I sometimes wonder if it's something I've done, or not done, but I don't think it is.

OP posts:

cory · 21/05/2010 10:28

Don't think it's particularly a girl thing: my big brother made more of a melodramatic scene out of stubbing a toe than most people would breaking a leg. Still very dramatic in his fifties.

post · 21/05/2010 16:11

But then you do put !!!HELP! and
'I can't help getting angry' in your OP

which is a bit dramatic and emotional too.

have you tried being a real model of sweetness and serenity, and especially reacting more quickly to being asked in a calm sweet way than when she yells? Agree that some dc's/ people just are like that, though

13lucky · 22/05/2010 20:02

Disagree with the post above by 'post' - OP is not being melodramiatic by putting HELP and 'I can't help getting angry'...I would say clearly you do not have a child like she is describing. I do have a dd just like yours onebadbaby...and I agree how frustrating and angry it can make you. I, however, like you, feel bad about it afterwards. But my dd does this numerous times a day and I try and be very matter of fact about it etc etc, but she is sooooo loud and in public it is frankly embarrassing as she can 'go off' countless times about the most misicule things. She's 3.10 by the way but has always been like this. I don't know whether it is normal or not but am reassured to see the other replies here. Good luck x

infin · 22/05/2010 20:10

I can vouch for the fact that it is NOT uncommon. I currently have 3 of these divas in a class of 30 recpetion children that I'm covering for a maternity leave. All girls.
God....give....me.....strength!!

annoyingdevil · 22/05/2010 20:15

Aren't you just describing sensitive children? No point getting angry with them.

DS had a major hissy fit earlier because his banana broke. That was just one of his many daily tantrums.

Just offer plenty of reassurance

EleanorHandbasket · 22/05/2010 20:17

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EleanorHandbasket · 22/05/2010 20:18

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DeFluffy · 22/05/2010 20:18

Just come back from day out with dd. She is 5 and you are definitely describing her. A few incidents to demonstrate...

SCREAM SCREAM SCREEEAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Cause - a bee had flown past, possibly near, possibly in the next door garden, who knows?

SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, uncontrollable sobbing

Cause - She had put her doll down on grass and then couldn't find it. Granted it was at least 5 inches away

SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM AND SCREAAAAAAAAAAM AND SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM, sobbing so bad she could hardly breathe

Cause - on the slide another child had walked up it when she was at the top. They didn't hurt her or touch her, just climbed round her. And she does know them, this was in my brother's garden at my niece's b'day party.

I think I'll try the Peter and the Wolf thing here. Also I do remember being like this as a child too

I just dislike feeling so embarassed and so on edge all the time wondering whether some insect/blade of grass/gust of wind 200 miles away is going to cause yet another scene and yet another round of pitying looks from all the other parents present.

blackmonday · 22/05/2010 20:21

i've got 2 dd's like this, one is nearly 7 and the other one is 4. they make so much noise and it's worse in the summer with the windows open not only because of the noise but god help everyone if a tiny fly happens to go past one of them!! i get embarassed as to what the neighbours must think with all the screaming daily

13lucky · 22/05/2010 20:31

DeFluffy - I think we have the same dds!!! Sounds so familiar and yes, it is highly embarrassing!

mumbar · 22/05/2010 20:55

oh defluffy I am currently screaming with laughter.

OP and others this may not help but have friends with DD's and a few are just the same.

It puts me on edge when I'm out with them too so can't imagine what it's like for parents.

Incidentally they are not like it when I have them alone. Think it may be beacuse of the reaction I will describe below.

Don't know if this is helpful (or wrong) but if DS screams I have just ignored him (unless there is obvious blood etc!!). he has learnt now not to do it as I will walk away. this was after 1 day where he screamed for 45 minutes and I read a whole magazine -in my bedroom with the door shut- he finally came up and said 'mummy this has come off my train can you fix it' I simply replied ' yes of course darling!!' His face was pure !!!!
amazingly he has not done it since. (been bout 2 years now

FWIW another friend with a dd who did the whole screaming thing tried this - it took 3 months but then just stopped.
OMG just read this through and it sounds judgy but I PROMISE you it's not just trying to give some hopefullly practicle advice

DinahRod · 22/05/2010 21:03

Ds(just 6) is going through an overly dramatic, whiny plus defiant stage, combined with using a very babyish voice - makes me grind my teeth. Has lasted a good few months, been better this last week but too early to say the old MN mantra "it's a phase"

Dh gets visibly cross and irritated by it - his answer is to send ds to bed for 5-10 minutes to calm down, which does work btw, but yet he plays up more for dh. If the TV is on I turn it off and say "I can't bear the noise, it can go back on when it's quiet" which sometimes has the desired effect or "when you talk normally I'll listen". But mostly it's the basics of praising the behaviour I want, ignoring, distracting and sending him to bed earlier if I think he's overtired.

Does anything else work?

mumbar · 22/05/2010 21:14

oh dinahrod I'm glad you posted that think my DS 5.9 is just starting that 'phase' now and I sent him to his room today for a bit. Must admit we don't have the melo dramatics but the baby voiced whinging and stamping feet is quite annoying!!!

I'll follow your advice and hope he comes out the otherside - soon!!

whomovedmychocolate · 22/05/2010 21:20

DD is an early developer clearly 3.6 and a protracted tragedy last week when she was not satisfied with the cup her water was in, despite it being fine at 7pm and she wanted me to replace it, but refused to say which one she wanted or what was wrong with it.

13lucky · 22/05/2010 21:24

Unfortunately not a 'phase' here...my dd is nearly 4 and has been like it since birth (screamed for the first 6 months of life pretty much non stop).

DeFluffy · 22/05/2010 21:26

Whomoved - classic, absolutely classic!!

Loving all the different tips on here, I think we will try these. Definitely love the turning the tv off one!

DD is weirdly not always like it, some days she just seems to wake up in an 'on edge' mood and anything then will set her off. TBH it reminds me of me when I have PMT!!! She seems tired on these days

I think I react badly to it, ie get very irritated, because my parents used to get incredibly irritated when I used to do it.

Will try some of these anyway and report back.....

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