DD is a melodromatic whinger!!!!! HELP!

[onebadbaby]

I can't help getting angry with my 4.5 year old dd. She just seems so emotional all the time. Her only way to deal with a situation is to cry, wail and generally scream.

I wouldn't mind if she had a genuine reason, but the volume and "dramaticness" of her cries hardly ever matches the problem.

For example this morning her curtain fell down when she tried to open them- I was busy getting dressed and heard her start to cry from the room next door, after a second or too the screaming got very loud and piercing and I rushed in, imagining a scene of carnage, only find dd lying on the bed face down yelling and nothing else untoward except the fallen curtains. Why didn't she just come and say "mummy, my curtains have fallen down" ?

These dramatic incidents occur at least once a day, and at school. it's not just the dramatic ones either, other small things lead to bouts of tears that other kids just seem to deal with.

I have really lost patience and sympathy with her this morning and told her that there will be no sweets tonight (her once a week treat). She is now mortified! (lots more wailing and hysterics). I feel silly punishing her for crying but how else can I stop this behaviour- when she is happy she is a very happy, confident child- she seems to just melt when anything goes wrong.

Morning, Onebadbaby - I don't know about the colic thing, I remember someone saying to me that they didn't beilieve in colic, and I just wanted to scream. There does seem to be a difference in some babies. Dd1 was definitely uncomfortable - drawing her legs up, never produced wind, and screaming every time she was fed (I used to feed her 1 or 2 oz at a time, every hour and a half or so - it was exhausting). I think that colic is a pretty umbrella term though to cover that digestive discomfort that little babies can suffer in the extreme. It switched off at 3 months on the dot.

Here's keeping fingers crossed for a non-whingy day for everyone

Perhaps you just had a baby who cried a lot then, rather than a baby with colic. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist and that's not particularly helpful to others who DO have colicky babies.

I think you are probably right Casserole- wasn't meaning to dismiss babies with genuine problems- just felt that when dd was small that colic was used all the time- even though she didn't really seem to have digestive symptoms and none of the colic remedies suggested made any difference.

We are having a nice week actually.

Just wondered if your sensitive children are quite bright?? My dd seems quite able for her age- Just been thinking back to when I was teaching and the children in my classes that were like this did generally seem to be more able ones, both boys and girls.

I appreciate that, OBB.

Glad you're having a good week.

OBB

I did a lot of research at the time and my DD was a textbook colic baby.. and yes, it automatically switched off at the three month mark. HAve you read the about the "third trimester" theory? Remember, colic is not a sickness, it is an immaturity of the gut which corrects itself as the gut matures.

On your other point, yes, my DD is definitely bright. Her language (and she's bilingual!) was exceptionally clear and complete very early. She's now a very articulate little girl and really gets concepts such as numbers not just being numbers but representing quantity, simple mental arithmetic, maps, letters (I'm not really teaching her but she amuses herself a lot writing) and some very grown up concepts in many ways.

Whether this is always an advantage or not is another question. She's not a genius or anything but she is now, at the end of the school year, bored and a bit frustrated at preschool. She also asks me questions about life that I think she's too sensitive to really deal with yet..

It's going to be a looooong Summer!

My DD is bright too - according to her teacher between 12 and 18 months ahead of the average child in Reception.

With hindsight I put her 'colic' down to her being incredibly frustrated at being 'trapped' in abody with all the physical limitations of a small baby when perhaps her brain was already a bit ahead of itself (she was trying ot hold her head up with days of being born albeit she was 2 weeks late!)

I was also considered above average academically as a child and classed as being 'anxious' at ange 6 and duly packed off to child psychiatrist !

It?s very reassuring to have found this thread and discover I?m not alone! DD2 (6) was a very easy baby (not colicky at all ? that was DD1, who is very placid now) until she hit the terrible twos at around 15 months ? and she?s still not out of them? I find myself walking on eggshells with her a lot of the time in case I don?t do something exactly how she wants it done, but then worry that I?m pandering to her and making things worse (I generally try not to give in to her). There?s no reasoning with her when she does get very emotional about things ? occasionally she can be distracted, but otherwise I just ignore her and leave her to it. She can be a joy to be with at times, but at others I find myself at the end of my tether. I have said to DH on more than one occasion that I just can?t cope with her any more ? and only half-jokingly.

Wrt to being bright ? yes, there could definitely be a link there. She was speaking in full sentences at quite an early age and knew which language to speak to which person (she?s also bilingual), and more or less taught herself to read and write in both languages at the same time as DD1 (who is two years older) learned at school. She is definitely much more sensitive than DD1 as well.

No advice unfortunately ? I?m still struggling to find out how to deal with her best ? but I do know what you?re going through!

Keepmum

That's really interesting..

I'm very happy for you that things have improved so much.

Coeliac, my DD was tested for as a baby.. She was born in Spain so I'm not quite sure what is normal where..

but the wheat intolerance thing is interesting. Perhaps I'll do a trial now when she's at home more.

THank you very much for sharing your experience.

Don't want to depress anybody but my eldest DD is 18 now.....

and she's STILL the overdramatic 'end of the world' person she was at 2...

Ok she doesn't usually follow me round the house anymore, but a hang nail, a bad hair day, or god forbid, a WASP.... and yup she's still a sobbing shrieking twit!

Funny enough she was my colicky baby out of the four.. and she's very academically able, and I do wonder if she just is a sensitive soul. Mind you other days I'd just call her a PITA!!

Oh lordy Macforme...poor you. Not sure I needed to hear that I may have at least another 14 years of it! (...off to drink more wine!)

I have a couple of whingy girls in my class -whenever they come to me with "oh my arm's fallen off/my cat is sad", my strategy is a simple "What can I do to help it/you feel better?". More often than not, having to think of something practical to solve their own problem completely stumps them and they wander off. It's genious, I tell ya!

Mamsnet- googled the fourth trimester theory (is this what you meant??). Never heard of it before but it does make sense- seems plausible.

Of course, fourth trimester! Sorry!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really thought that this was a problem just with my 4.5 yo DD! Just knowing that it's not is a big relief! My DD is so sensitive and emotional sometimes. I too get angry sometimes, then feel guilty! Being calm with her does help but hasn't solved the problem. I too am quite a sensitive person and think thats why I find it hard to deal with. How can I tell her off for being sensitive? But it's really embarassing when it happens in front of other people. Now find that when some friends visit they delibrately wind her up waiting for her reaction, which is no help!

How horrible of your friends, Honey! Ask them not to do that! Tell them you're the one that has to live with it after! And anyway, it is completely unfair on your DD.

You sound like you feel like I do a lot of the time.. We had a day out yesterday with a picnic etc.. it was lovely but she wound me up ALL day.

The only thing that SOMETIMES helps is to think that if her Dad and I don't help and defend her, who will..

Let's all keep posting, eh?

Laughing about the banana thing, we get a blood-curdling shriek if DD's banana breaks. She is presently going through a phase of overreacting to stuff. Don't think it's because she is sensitive - she is a rough-and-tumbler, doesn't complain much if she gets hurt, is very outgoing - it's just when things go wrong. Like when her banana breaks, or she can't get a blanket to lie straight, or she can't get her doll house people to sit on their chairs, or if she can't get a door open...

It really is vexing, though, because these reverses happen every minute or so if she's playing at home at the moment, and my nerves are frayed by it. My policy is to generally distance myself from it until she asks nicely for help. She's nearly 3.

PS, I don't think my DD was colic, but she was an extremely high maintenance newborn (would NOT SLEEP - I don't understand how she survived on so little, given how they are supposed to sleep), always crying, wanting to be held, would jump six miles in the air at the slightest noise... hmm, maybe she is sensitive.

She's so very unsensitive in most ways, though.

MoChan - that's sounds more like my DD - fine until the slightedt thing goes wrong and then it's the end of the world. She didn't do daytime sleeps at all until she was about 7 months old so similar in that respect too.

DD loves her blankets but they have to be laid out in an exact square - drives me mental!!!

You're so right mamsnet about us defending her. Has even put me off visiting friends. Really hate that it's this side of her that people will judge DD for. Shes so loving, kind and bright most of the time. She just seems to find it hard to control her emotions in certain situations. Am hoping that she'll mature emotionally when she starts school in september!

honeymunster - you sound exactly the same as me and my dd. I too am sensitive and find it difficult to deal with my dd's constant emotional outbursts without getting cross somtimes. I too am holidng out some hope that school in September may have some magical effect on her!!

13lucky - We can only live in hope!

Have only read half the thread ('tis very long )

Have you tried turning it into a joke and making them laugh (not easy if they are screaming). Little girl I mind is like this and if she has hurt her knee I will over exaggerate and go "Oh my goodness! Is it going to fall off? Shall we call the ambulance (cue nee-naw sounds) We'll have to go to the new knee shop! What will we do if they only have green ones left?" and keep going in a big false voice until you get a laugh. If I get hysterics because she won't tidy her toys before going out/bathtime/supper then I go "quick we need to get them in the box! There's a giraffe behind the sofa and he's waiting to build a tower! Have you seen the elephant hiding behind the door - he might trample them!!" etc etc.

Realise it won't work for all children or everytime you have a meltdown, but getting them laughing distracts from their histronics and makes them realise that, actually, it wasn't as bad as they thought.

Womblingfree - just read your earlier post, they do sound similar: I have always said that I thought the problems I had with DD early on were because she was desperate to be doing stuff and was immensely frustrated by her physical limitations. She became a lot more manageable once she could walk. And once she could walk, it was only a very short time before she ran. Like your LO, she was very keen to hold her head up. I've got a video of her a few days old, on her belly but with her head up high, looking like a desperate turtle...

I think it is still her physical limitations that bother her most in fact; it's not being able to do stuff, as I said earlier. Fortunately, she is also a fact gatherer (she knows long lists of names for stuff: types of dinosaurs, birds, flowers, etc) and I find that encouraging this sort of thing helps, because she will now sit for ages with the right book saying "diplodocus, pteranodon, stegosaurus, scolosaurus". Etc, etc, etc. It's an activity that generates fewer screaming opportunities...