name for private parts

[PavlovtheCat]

I know this has been done to death but I cannot be arsed to go search for old threads.

So. What do your 3 year old girls refer to their parts as?

She calls her 'her girly bits'. Which has up to now been fine. DS is 19wks and we refer to his willy as his willy. So, now girly parts does not seem specific enough, and I find 'vagina' to harsh/clinical at this age to refer to it on an everyday basis, although she does know it is a vagina.

Is there a willy equivalent?

As I said its up to you what you names you use within reason but either way nobody should be made to feel bad about what names they use. Mabey its a cultural thing, my mum is from Cyprus and used the word bottom to describe down below when i was a child, my Maltese friend uses nicknames when referring to dds bits when changing her, as she does look after her sometimes.

We say 'vulva' chez Jolie. But also 'botty' and 'fanny', all interchangeable. I am happy for them to know the correct term but use slang words too.

My neighbour's DD calls hers her 'penny' from spending pennies I guess. Have to admit I find that very sweet for a four yo to say.

chibi where are you getting all this stuff from?

All I have done is ask you what you mean by this statement:

""Knowledge is power, especially as concerns women/girls and their bodies"

in the context of this thread.

You have still not answered my quesiton and are now making lots of random assumptions about what sort of person I am.

You are aware that children who have parents who refuse to discuss things like sex and the facts of life and menstruation and so on are more at risk of abuse/early commencement of sexual activity/early pregnancy and so on, I assume? And now you have said that is the sort of parent I am.

What is the matter with you?

I have two daughters and we say girly bits. First comes your assertion that this means i am depriving them of knowledge about their bodies and thus disempowering them. Then:

"I am also going to teach her crazy shit like that she has the right to decide who can touch her, and that she doesn't have to touch anyone ever if she doesn't want to. Bet that blows your mind too. "

So you are assuming that I will do the reverse - teach my girls that anyone can touch them whenever they like?

You're not actually a very nice person are you. I thought that maybe you had posted your initial comment without thinking it through, but you keep on.

All the women who say anything other than vulva are depriving their girls of autonomy over their own bodies FFS can you not see what a deeply nasty thing that is to say.

"Show me where I said that."

OK, here.

"Knowledge is power, especially as concerns women/girls and their bodies"

Right there is where you said it, and you still will not answer my question of what you meant. Instead preferring to assume that i have a problem with calling genitals by the anatomically correct names. I don;t have a problem with that, why would I? You on the other hand seem to have a problem answering a very simple question ie why did you say ""Knowledge is power, especially as concerns women/girls and their bodies" and what exactly did you mean by it. as far as I can see there aren't 2 ways of reading that statement.

I could say the same, isnt.

I think we have gotten our wires crossed somehow.

I will say it again, I think it is good for my child to know what her body parts are called. I respect your right to think differently.

I am not implying that because I do x, I think less of you for doing y. I don't know how much more clearly I can say that I do not look down on or wish ill on anyone.

Oh and fwiw knowing that I had a vulva didn't stop me from being abused as a child, or sexually assaulted as a teen. that was good old shitty bad luck I guess. I think that was why I reacted when you said I wanted other people's children abused- I feel like crying just typing all of this.

I am sorry I offended you so much, please accept my sincere apology.

I will certainly give these threads a wide berth in future.

I assumed chibi meant that if a girl can call her body parts by their proper names, then it leads to a culture of not being ashamed of her body; of being informed about what it really is and not feeling there is anything about any part that needs hiding underneath another name.

And what we all want I imagine is girls who feel strong about their femininity, because my goodness the media will give any confidence they do have a battering by the time they grow up.

Thank you yesthis is what I mean this is what I want for my girl

am going to stop really been here a few years and never been so upset to the point of crying I could not possibly feel shittier now

chibi, remember this is a unique environment - we all hide behind names which anonymise us and say things we simply wouldn't to each other in real life, people are often confrontational on here I find

bet they are little meek things who wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life

I know I am!!! (sometimes )

Please don't worry, it will all be forgotten in two minutes; treat yourself to a nice coffee or something and relax xx

@chibi

If I made you feel shitty in any way, then I am really sorry.
I use the nicknames, and you use the proper names. Am sure both our daughters are confident and smart in their own way..

Neither of us are wrong, neither is better than the other.

Strong, different opinions are what Mumsnet is about.

Personally I think it is better (for the reasons I gave above) to give things their proper names. I think it's ok to have an opinion that one is better than the other! (as you and chibi clearly do!)

I do not think it is bad for a child to know what their body parts are called. I don't know why you keep saying that. you seem to have a fixed idea about what I am saying, and it is not related to what I am actually saying.

I am sorry that you are upset though and that you have had bad experiences in the past. It is easy to get bogged down on here. I find when I'm getting bogged down, having said something that maybe I didn't quite mean, or if something is misunderstood, that it's easiest just to try and clarify what I did mean. But you haven't done that, not once have you said that you didn't mean it, or that it was badly phrased, or even explained what you did mean by it. Even after I have explained what most people would understand your comment to mean.

FWIW if I was having a conversation with someone in RL and said that my DD called her genitals her girly bits, and they said that I was denying her autonomy over her own body I would go bananas as well.

@ Chibi and Imsonottelling
I think both you have explained your points quite clearly, you just come from different view points that's all. No one should be upsetting each other, no one is right or wrong. As mothers we all do the best we can and should be supportive of one another. It's a hard enough job. Something in this thread has touched a massive nerve, we are all sensetive about something.

Silly me to think that MN could answer a normal question without the claws coming out .

You are all welcome to the thread, I want no part of such ridiculousness.

Claws?

What are you on about?

If someone accuses me (and most other mothers) of leaving our daughters open to abuse I have a right to defend myself surely.

It is not something that can be brushed off lightly. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say.

wen my dd was little we used to say fairy ,my lb always playes with his willie and i say get off your willie

How can I possibly brush off an accusation like that? How? I have two girls I am not leaving them open to abuse. How can anyone expect me not to get angry about that suggestion.

It beggars belief honestly.

ISNT please step away from this thread. You know I love you, but i have read this whole thread right form the start, and thought you over-reacted a bit in the very beginning.

But this has now gone way beyond that.
please let this go.

I mean I was watching it right from t he start. And saw your original posts.
And am shocked at coming back to this thread and seeing how it has developed.

jesus I never said you were leaving them open to abuse.

if you think that's hurtful, try being abused yourself and being accused of wanting other people's children raped.

Just to clarify AGAIN.

by saying that knowledge is power I meant I want her to know the real names of things, to feel like she has ownership of her body, that there are no funny parts or ones that we don't mention.

i DO NOT THINK FOR ONE INSTANT THAT BY USING A DIFFERENT NAME THAT ANYONE THINKS THE CONVERSE.

I DO NOT THINK ANYONE IS LEAVING ANYONE OPEN TO ABUSE

I WAS RAPED AND KNOWING THE NAMES DIDN'T SAVE ME

I DON'T THINK THAT CALLING A VULVA A TWINKLE WILL MEAN THAT YOUR KID WILL BE ABUSED OR IS MORE AT RISK

how can you expect me not to get angry at the accusation that i think you want your children abused/are leaving them open to abuse/I want children abused given that I have been abused myself.

Do you have ANY idea how upsetting and hurtful that is? I know exactly how it feels to be abused, how can you say that this is what I want for anyone?

why can't you accept my apology for upsetting you, why must you continue to twist my words? what is WRONG with you?

maybe YOU need to take a step back - you clearly have issues.
I have apologised, I don't know what else you want.

I feel like name changing now - any time I post will people think, oh that's chibi, she advocates child rape, she's pro paedophilia?

Then why didn;t you say that when I asked you what you meant about 50 posts ago?

Why didn't you say that when i told you how I read the post and explained why I was shocked by it?

Why not answer the question when I asked you about 15 times?

You know nothing about me, my life and my experiences.

FGS.

Yes I will leave this and I am sorry to have caused upset. but for crying out loud why didn't you just explain what you meant in the first place rather than insinuating things and then not explaining.

God OK right.

Sorry again for teh way this went.

Am going to go and have a bath with the kids and try and calm down a bit.

Chibi please don't name change. i am sorry. Something must have struck a nerve. I am so worried for what the future holds for my girls, how I will be able to protect them and keep them from harm.

Sorry.

Ok, it appears to me that this thread has descended into personal attack and the need for justifications and over defending on the part of one MNer, in particular.

It has made me very upset and I wish I had never started what was simply meant to be a simple question.

So, I am sorry it has caused so much upset for some people and I have asked MN HQ to delete this.

Chibli, no one thinks you advocate the abuse of children. Your initial post was just rather bombastic in tone.

But NO ONE thinks you support the rape and abuse of children.

oh and chibi I did not take your posts to indicate anything other than empowering women to take ownership of their bodies from the start. Nothing deeper or more sinister than that from my perspective. I can't see how others would see that myself, personally.