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Original poster

Bed time problems

14 replies

Lynso · 25/07/2005 11:32

I'm having huge problems with my two and a half year old and bed time. As a baby we never had a problem, she would always go straight down and this was the case right up until about a month ago. She now refuses to go to sleep unless mummy and daddy sits with her ....... the longest yet is and hour and a half. If she stirs whilst we try to leave she screams striaght away until we've returned ..... we've tried leaving her to cry but we appear to have quite a stubborn young lady who can last for hours screaming with the odd choke for effect enery now and them. Does anyone have any ideas ??
Many thanks
Lynso

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mandyc66 · 25/07/2005 11:38

My ds got a bit funny about going to bed. I just relaxed the bedtime routine for a bit then went back to it!! It seemed to work!! Had the odd hic up. I told him bed time was bed time and that mummy had things to do and would pop back and see him in a little while. If he got up I told him he had to stay upstairs! Hope you find ananswer. But rest assured, we all go through it!!

kid · 25/07/2005 11:39

By staying with her she is getting what she wants and the longer it goes on the more she will expect it.

If you do decide what to do to change this routine, you must stick to it.

With DS, he is 3.3, I take him to bed, close the blind and turn the lights out. If he doesn't want to go to sleep, I tell him to lay there and rest and I will be back in 5 minutes. Usually I don't go back as he is already asleep but if I do, I go back in, give him a little hug, tuck him in again and leave telling him the same thing. He goes to sleep very easy at night now but it wasn't always this easy!

Original poster
Lynso · 25/07/2005 12:03

Thanks both for your re-assurance ..... I was starting to realise that she was getting her own way, and that l would have to toughen up !!..... l'll certainly put both of your suggestions into action.

Many thanks
Lynso

OP posts:
mandyc66 · 25/07/2005 14:04

its not easy to listen to them cry is it.
Just leave her for a short while then go back, just to reassure her you are still around.
each time leave the gap a bit longer. Can be hard work, but stick to it worth it in the end!

edgetop · 25/07/2005 14:31

i had problems with my ds sometimes sit over hour,then tryed putting some music on very low this worked,also i could get out of the room without him hearing me.now he picks what he wants to listen to and is happy to stay in bed on his own.

Original poster
Lynso · 25/07/2005 16:02

Again thanx for all your suggestions ..... it is heart breaking listening to them cry ... it's amazing how clever 2 year olds can be !! they certainly know which strings to pull !!
Will definately try the music suggestion in conjunction with returning to the room every now and then for re-assurance.

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 25/07/2005 16:12

With my dd (who started playing up similarly at about the same age) I took a very hard line. She would invent a pretext for delaying things like suddenly wanting to visit the loo (where she would fail to produce a single drop of urine). Left to her own devices she would call me up and down stairs a dozen times!

  • I started leaving a night light on for her
  • explained that even if she didn't want to sleep straight away, it is 'quiet time' and she musn't make too much noise and mess around. Explained that I was busy and had a lot of jobs to get on with and didn't need her interrupting me (remarkably she seems to accept this)
  • told her she would be put in 'time out' if she called me upstairs for a trivial reason - and I have actually put her in time out for this to show I meant business

Boy, I hope that she doesn't grow up hateing me!

It's worked though - but perhaps because I've brow beaten her into submission . However for me the post bed time peace and quiet is a very serious issue, and I passionately protect it

nell12 · 25/07/2005 17:18

light on timer switch... give them about 20 minutes
story tape
also having the baby monitor "back to front" (receiver upstairs, monitor downstairs)so they can hear you worked for SIL (couldn't cope with that one myself though!)

Louise1970 · 25/07/2005 18:42

i am really sorry to write this, ut i feel i must be honest here. The only difference with yours and my ds1 in the ages. My ds was 9 months when this happened. People kept asking me if anything happend at the time to make him change. I scrutinized everything i did and couldn't work out why he changed. Some just do. I worked it out to be this. it was last summer we were living in our old house. He had the small box room with hardly any natural light and air. One day i put him to bed but because he was naughty that day i put him down and he could see my face was not happy. I walked out of the room and the door slammed in the wind. He let out a scream and i could not conole him. From that day for a whole year, we wer unable to get him off to sleep on his own. We tried the horse whisperer method, what friends told us to do, nothing worked. He has always been a very strong minded boy and i knew it would be hard to concor. We tried sitting on a chair further away from the cot etc. We tried the christopher green sleep technique for two weeks. This actually made things worst and i can honestly say that if i had not done that technique i think it would have been concored a lot sooner. this technique really does not work for every child, as i found out when i ask mumnet mums for advice. My son grew more confident that i was going to come back each morning to him, then he started to sleep on his own. But it took a year. Too long to say the exact details but hope you got the gist. Your dd is older so make sure you keep telling her you love her and that you are coming back. It helped me. But then again it may need a different approach than mine..

mandyc66 · 25/07/2005 18:52

have I misread this? you put him to bed because he was naughty at 9months?

marshysan · 25/07/2005 21:00

My ds used to be very good at bedtime but now at 2.8 always says he needs to have a poo or wee just as I settle him down. If I say " You've already had one" which he has as I have sat him on the potty before bed, he screams that there is more and will always squeeze one out!!! This usually lasts half hour until 8 o'clock. I always leave the room and tell him to call me when he has finished so he doesn't get my attention but despite a month of this there is no improvement. He is also waking up once a night but settles very easily however I am knackered.Think I need a nightlight.

Thanks Chris

Louise1970 · 25/07/2005 21:46

sorry, i was trying to keep the story short. And must admit it does not really make sense does it. Mr ds1 had been naughty all day. He use to bite me back then and just throw all his food on the floor when it was feeding times, he still does that actually with his food, but never mind. I told him off quite a lot that day and i suppose when i put him to bed my face was not the lovely smiley face that he usually sees, so he new i was upset. etc... Hope that clears that paragraph up. Wouldn't want to get 800 messages

mandyc66 · 26/07/2005 09:26

sorry louise still cant get my head around this. 9months? Biting..teething
Throwing food..was he feeding himself? why not move the food away?
He is learning and exploring at 9 months (imo) they are not naughty!

Louise1970 · 26/07/2005 10:13

Never mind, mandyc66. have not got time to explain anymore, but it was the biting that was naughty..

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