Have I lost my lovely boy

[Eve]

...........and where has the attitude come from??

He's just 6, in year 1 and has never been an angel, just a typical, active boy, but lately its all attitude.

He has just quite calmly told me he hates me, as I told him off for muttering under his breath at me when I asked him to sit down for tea.

He does this constantly, answers back, doesn't do as he is asked, slams doors, argues back all the time.... etc.

We thought it was a stage and are clamping down on the behaviour to make it clear he can't get away with it by confiscating toys, removing TV time.....time out on stairs doesn't work anymore.

Is it a stage, I think I am right to make it clear it is unacceptable and not let him away with it, even though he says he hates me!

Eve, my DS1 is only four and already I can identify with the constant fight to instill good manners.

He doesn't say hateful things but is getting into the swing of answering back.

Nothing constructive, just sympathy

I have one of those and it clicked with me today. I yell at him to go upstairs to his bedroom (otherwise I'd lamp him one) and he shouts all the way up there that he's not going etc etc, BUT HE DOES. Mostly bravado etc (he's youngest of four, two much older bad influence brothers). I fume but I don't say anything else and he goes. They can't argue if you don't, try that, it really pisses them off!

Snap, snap, snap. I have a 6 year old ds who is exactly like this. After letting it get to me in the past I have now resorted to ignoring him which whilst causing him much annoyance allows me to calm down. Personally I think the more fuss you make of the behaviour the more they will try it on just to get a reaction. No reaction from you pisses them off no end and eventually they move onto something else.

Yes it's probably a stage.

Yes your little boy will return from wherever he's now hidden.

Ignore the attitude and the bad behaviour, but do continue to use time out etc.

Remember not to take it personally. DS1 told me once that I wasn't his proper mummy and he hated me. I opened the front door and told him that his proper mummy was probably missing him and so he ought to go. He changed his mind PDQ I can tell you.

He doesn't hate you. It's a new word that causes a reaction. He loves you deeply and because of this is secure enough to say that he hates you. Why they do this no one knows.

Don't know about this. I have a nine year old who is constantly up or down - when he is up he is like his old cheeky, happy self, but when he is down, he is like a teenager: rude, sometimes aggressive, argumentative, sulky, stroppy. He is nine FGS! I don't know what to offer you by way of consolation, except that, one day, they will leave home and then we will miss them!

It's hard, but try to ignore him saying he hates you - he's found something new to throw at you, and he's doing it for the reaction. A good response is just to say, quietly and calmly, "Well that's a shame, because I love you", and walk away.

This is my six year old too. He hasn't said he hates me (yet!) but is just rude. He's rude to other adults, complains all the time and doesn't appreciate anything. Getting him to say thanks for anything is So hard. Then I get his school report, saying what a kind, considerate little boy he is and i'm left quite confused. Is it just a phase? My trick at the moment is to try really hard not to shout/tell him off so it has more significance when he really does need telling off (does that make sense?) I found myself shouting all the time and it obviously has no impact whatsoever....it is hard, isn't i?. I'm wondering how it's going to be over the summer holidays.

Try not to get locked in a negative cycle. I bet there are loads of times in the day when you could tell him he is great (even if you have to really hunt for them).

It is the bad behaviour that always stands out and I know with my ds it sometimes takes an outsider to point out that he is actually a great kid. (Noisy, stroppy and argumentative but also imaginative, fun and energitic). He doesn't hate you any more than you hate him but he wouldn't be human if he didn't resent you sometimes and vice versa.