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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

When i was a kid, i wouldnt DARE argue with grown ups, so what has changed?

95 replies

meatntattypie · 09/03/2010 19:37

Is it a generation thing?
What is so different nowadays?
ds aged 6 is bieng so cheeky, and when i try to explain to him that it is unacceptable to speak to grown ups like that, he rolls his eyes and says blah blah blah", it drives me fucking crazy.

The one difference is that my parents would smack me sensless, i dont hit my son.
But how do you deal with this?

yesterday in Asda i held open a loo door about to walk through when 2 small kids pushed past me and went through the door, never said a single word, i just wouldnt dare do anything like this as a kid, so why is it so different, why is there a lack of respect now do you think?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Jamieandhismagictorch · 10/03/2010 18:44

meat But then, if he's basically nice, and she's nice, why won't you have him back ? Not wanting to criticise - just thinking maybe we should tell the parent so they can punish and then hopefully the DC won't be rude in our house again/will be made to apologise.

coldtits · 10/03/2010 18:45

hell, yeah I'd phone his parents. I'd have him out waiting on the front step for them to arrive too (obv would wait with for safety).

I would want that brat as far away from my house as possible. My boys can hang around with whoever they choose at school - I get to choose houseguests

coldtits · 10/03/2010 18:47

Hmm.

Does child have an unpleasant father? the sort of father who may say to the mother "What is this slop?" when served a meal?

Original poster

meatntattypie · 10/03/2010 18:47

Well at school they are nice, for that 10 mins in the paly ground LOVELY but he was like a wild thing when he came for tea, and he said other stuff too.
He was just a bit too much, iyswim.
He is only 7, maybe when he is oldr he will be a bit easier.

OP posts:

Original poster

meatntattypie · 10/03/2010 18:48

funnily enough he cleared his plate , ate all of the slop!

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 10/03/2010 18:49

coldtits - Have you done that sort of thing ? How did it go down with the parents ?

Sorry for questions. Possibly need assertiveness lessons

Original poster

meatntattypie · 10/03/2010 18:50

me too

OP posts:

legalityfinality · 10/03/2010 18:51

My gosh meat, yes of course you had to say something.

Wouldn't have phoned parents though.

Original poster

meatntattypie · 10/03/2010 18:52

LOL just looked at coldtits profile and picky, i can just picture you stood on doorstep arms folded tapping foot with glasses perched on end of your nose like a school mistress

OP posts:

legalityfinality · 10/03/2010 18:52

but I would have told them at pick up

Jamieandhismagictorch · 10/03/2010 18:54

See, I wouldn't even have done that. Something is seriously wrong here

coldtits · 10/03/2010 18:54

You ring them up and you say eg

"Hi, just ringing to ask you to collect 'Timmy' as soon as you can, he doesn't seem to be very happy at all"

"Oh dear, what's wrong with him?"

"I don't think there's anything seriously wrong, but he called his dinner slop, kicked the cat and made a hole in my wallpaper, which I'm sure is out of character for him, so I thought you'd better handle it. Everyone's the expert on their own child."

"um, ok, er, when shall I collect him?"

"Now would be fine, we'll wait on the front porch for you. I think he's eager to be home"

Original poster

meatntattypie · 10/03/2010 18:56

nononononno! the mum said to me "just drop him home when you are ready" so i took him home!
some thing very wrong there i suspect.
SEE im a rubish mum! i havent got a fecking clue do i!

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 10/03/2010 18:58

< writes notes >

Thankyou coldtits

Oblomov · 10/03/2010 19:02

My ds(6) is the same op. As are all the other 6 yr old ds's that i know. "Well I never spoke to my mum like that" I say.
Totally unacceptable.
And yes, I do think society has changed. for the worse.

pointylog · 10/03/2010 19:07

You will repect mai authoritai.

SOuth park, that's what happened. And all the other shit of course.

pointylog · 10/03/2010 19:09

Society now thinks it's ok to answer back.
That grown ups do not know everything and should be challenged every time.
That many grown ups know very little and should be challenged.
Ebveryone knows their rights and they often take priority over manners.
That manners are a form of subordination.

I might read the thread.

legalityfinality · 10/03/2010 19:12

"Everyone knows their rights and they often take priority over manners. That manners are a form of subordination."

That's pretty well put.

Oblomov · 10/03/2010 19:13

laughing at coldtits: he's on the dorrstep 'eager to be home' ha ha.love it.
I am taking notes.
Saying that I have only had 4 of ds's friends back, ever. they were all treasures.
ate most of my slop. all picky eaters , unlike my ds , but atleast not rude about it.

piscesmoon · 10/03/2010 19:17

'My children are allowed to question me.

they are not allowed to be rude to me while they do so, and they aren't allowed to disobey me. '

I go by this too-if you start when they are really young it is much easier and they don't even think of it. You have to perfect a certain look and an air of authority.

AliGrylls · 10/03/2010 19:32

overmydeadbody, I am sure the children did as they were told by those priests more out of fear of what would happen to them than because they did not know that they had the right to say "no".

I agree with legality. Children need to know that adults are in charge, and I do think that they should respect adults because they are adults, ie, older and wiser (generally speaking). I would be mortified if, when my DS gets to a certain age he was rude to an old person, did not offer someone a seat on the bus, because I brought him up to think that his "rights" were more important.

When children are young I believe their rights are fundamentally a loving home, a good education and a bit of discipline. I know some people think my planned tactics are too tough but if you have children who are strong willed you need to be a strong parent.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 10/03/2010 19:58

Manners as a form of subordination - that really rings true to me. I used to work as a Receptionist in a hospital, and i really got the impression from some that the politer I was, the less they respected me. I was weak in the eyes of some .... (over and above the fact that I was in a "subordinate", customer service role

pointylog · 10/03/2010 20:04

yes, I do believe they are often seen as a weakness

overmydeadbody · 10/03/2010 20:41

Ok, I really don't tihnk that society now deems it acceptable for children to answer back.

At least, maybe they can get away with it at home, but at school they can't get away qwith being rude or answering back. I'm a primary teacher and none of the staff tolerate rudeness from the children or answering back in our school, and I aim to teach children to respect adults but also epect myself and other adults to earn that respect by being fair and just to the children and respecting them.

I think children can grow up knowing they have rights while not thinking that their rights somehow come before the rights of others, so they should still see the goodness in offering their seat to someone else etc.

overmydeadbody · 10/03/2010 20:44

Ali I agree with you, but I think fearing adults is tied in with thinking you don't have the right to question those adults.

It was just an extreme example.

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