When i was a kid, i wouldnt DARE argue with grown ups, so what has changed?

[meatntattypie]

Is it a generation thing?
What is so different nowadays?
ds aged 6 is bieng so cheeky, and when i try to explain to him that it is unacceptable to speak to grown ups like that, he rolls his eyes and says blah blah blah", it drives me fucking crazy.

The one difference is that my parents would smack me sensless, i dont hit my son.
But how do you deal with this?

yesterday in Asda i held open a loo door about to walk through when 2 small kids pushed past me and went through the door, never said a single word, i just wouldnt dare do anything like this as a kid, so why is it so different, why is there a lack of respect now do you think?

My children are allowed to question me.

they are not allowed to be rude to me while they do so, and they aren't allowed to disobey me.

meatntwoveg you shouldn't be flummoxed by some of the things he says, he is only 6, so needs to learn the boundaries and is still testing them out.

If he didn't test where the boundaries where he would never know. They are not born with manners, they have to be taught them, so just gently correct and guide him and remember that the aim is to have a well mannered well adjusted adult in 14 odd years, not a perfect miniature human being right now.

me too coldtits.

And my childrne know it, and sometimes push the boundaires just to make sure they are still there.

See, I grew up in the 70s and 80s, but was not hit, but I was scared of displeasing my parents. But then I wasn't as confident or assertive as my DSs will no doubt be.

I think my DB was more challenging. Will ask my mum.

Mine push the boundries all the time. that's what both children and boundries are for.

Jamie they do and they will, by the time they are adults. It is a good thing they learn about rights and responsibilites in school. It protects them.

overmydeadbody - I think you are right. 6 is a very "testing" age, and because they aren't scared, they test more. We shouldn't wring our hands about it.

and, to be fair, the boundaries change as they grow and get older.

Has totally gone beyond freedom of expression.

We just know more than they do and and some point they should just do as their told, because they are told, without some poor harassed exhausted mother having to go round the houses and justify her reasoning at length.

No parent is perfect. There are times when No should be enough. "No such thing as answering back" my Aunt Fanny.

Children should be shown and heaven forfend told there's a time and a place.

Maybe the arguments started when parents started explaining everything to death. As if they needed to know half the time.

that sounds like a mighty heavy chip on your shoulder legality...

There was a thread on here a while ago about a women at a swimming pool.
All the seats were taken up apart from 1.
The woman made her way to it and as she sat dwon, the lady in the seat next to it said to her "sorry, that seat is taken by my daughter", there on the floor was a toddler playing with a toy.
The woman questioned if this was right,
she was ripped to shreds. Most people were of the opinion that the child had as much right to the chair as the grown up and so the woman should have fully accepted that she should stand up while the tot had claimed the chair.
while i do not dispute that the child defo does have rights, i disagreed with the principle. If it were my tot, and she wanted to sit down, she would be on my knee.
where do we draw the line though?

why have i got a chip on my shoulder? don't get it

Why have i got a chip on my shoulder for saying that sometimes no means no without having to explain it?

Christ no wonder. This is what's changed OP.

legality children also need to know that they don't have to do what they are told judt because an adult tells them to. All those Catholic preiests who sexually abused the boys in their care would probably not have gotten away with it for so long if the children had had a grater sense of their rights and the right to say "no" or not listen to an adult jst because they said so.

I think, on the whole,I would rather my DS was not afraid to voice his unwillingness to do something an adult told him to do and not be afraid to stand up for himself.

the chip on your shoulder is in your wording, "harrassed mothers going round the houses..." and "parents explaining things to death".

You are giving examples of extremes, rather than norms.

Just to go back to the OP for a sec- I would have said something to the rude/thoughtless DCs - nothing heavy, just - "a thankyou would be nice". I do ask children to pick up their litter and have asked teens not to swear etc. I think it takes a village to raise a child

I sort of agree that some parents, especially of toddlers, tie themselves in knots by explaining things, when removing them from a situation would be better, or just saying no.

But I also agree about the abuse thing you said overmy

< very agreeable tonight >

But i HATE confrontation so tbh its not in my nature to say anything to these children.

The child from ds's school that came for tea and shouted across to me when i put the lovingly made lasagne on the table in front of him "whats this slop?"
I DID say to him "im going to ignore that becuase i really dont believe that you wanted to be so rude" because i just could not say nothing to that kind of out and out rudeness!

I've managed to show two of my children how to be wary and defensive without answering back and arguing all the time. I think most people can do that. Also I thought we were all supposed to be being realistic and not hysterical about paedophiles? I'm more paranoid than most but I wouldn't say paedophilia is a reason for having to explain and justify absolutely everything to children.

I mean, how can you accuse me of going to extremes I'm just talking about harassed mothers while you're talking about paedophiles I'm damn sure I know which there are more of.

at that child. You said the right thing !

meatntattypie, I'd have removed his dinner and immediately rung his mother to collect him.

Disgusting behavior.

And you can't use paedophiles as a rational reason to allow a child to argue with every damn thing you ask them to do.

coldtits - would you really phone the parents ? This is also something I've been thinking about.

Amongst my circle of contacts, the consensus seems to be that a DC would have to do something pretty extreme or dangerous on a playdate in order to tell their parents about it. DCs have been rude in my house and yet I've not told their parents. AND YET, I would want to know if DSs were as rude as that child ......

I KNOW.....That was mt exact face
i thought "did he really just say that???"
Never had him here before and will never again,

oh and didnt tell his mum, she would die a thousand deaths, she is absolutely lovely and he is a nice kid too.....normally. No didnt say a word.