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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

13 month old standing up in cot all the time. HELP!

63 replies

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 08:59

We are at our wits end. DS will not lie down in his cot when we put him to bed. He also wakes frequently during the night and is straight up and crying. It has been taking one of us an hour+ every bedtime to get him to lie down. He stands up, I lie him down, he stands up, I lie him down - eventually he will wear himself out and sleep, but mostly wakes again around 1am then 4am and the same happens - it took us 2 hours to settle him in the middle of last night. After all that, he wakes up to start the day around 5.30am.

He was such a good sleeper during his first year. Slept through from 9 weeks and mostly went down from 7 - 6 which was great. It all started to change in early December when he was teething but he's never settled back - it also coincided with me going back to work so that could be a factor.

We have covered everything: dark room, warm enough, heating on all night so not coming on in early hours, dummy, taking his toys/mobile off the cot so no stimulation. We also tried co-sleeping but he won't lie down with us either - he thinks it's playtime then. I know it's only been 3 months of it and I should be grateful it's not been years, but we are shattered and not sure what to do. Thank you for reading this

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Original poster

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 09:01

I also meant to say that we are sure he's not in pain and if we suspect that he is, we give him some nurofen.

OP posts:

EssenceOfJack · 20/02/2010 09:04

What do you do when you go into him?
DD1 used to do this until we clicked that we were talking to her[doh] so giving her attention.
If he isn't hurt or anything just go in and lie him down and leave, and shut his door so he doesn't know if you are walking past.
If he gets back up you just go in, no eye contact, no talking and lie him down and leave. Don't even tuck him in unless it's freezing.

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 09:08

hello
i was going to say - if you put him down and he gets up and moves around his cot then i would just leave him to it - but you say he cries so i suppose that is the issue.

do you think he is tired when you put him down? does he still nap in the day?

Original poster

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 09:10

Essence We don't talk to him or make eye contact, just lie him down, but by time I've put a foot forward to walk out, he's up again . So I lie him down again and it repeats.

No tucking in required either as he wears a grobag.

OP posts:

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 09:10

the no eye contact thing is crap

how can you not give your own child eye contact? hes not doing it to be naughty - he is too young to be naughty ffs - dont punish him

Original poster

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 09:16

nail polish it is a bit of a vicious circle with the naps. He is so unsettled at night that by 8am, he can barely hold head up, bless him. His main nap is after lunch - and they probably total 2.5 hours per day.

We have tried to drop the morning nap but he gets so overtired because he's not slept well at night, he screams that tired cry - I'm sure you know the one. We then tried to drop his lunch time nap but gets tired again and ends up falling asleep at 4pm which affects his bed time. Also tried making his bedtime later (was 7 on the dot, now 7.15 - 7.30) but makes no difference. he is tired at bedtime, yawning and rubbing eyes etc.

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Original poster

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 09:17

His room his too dark for eye contact anyway.

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cybagel · 20/02/2010 09:18

Could you try.....just leaving him?

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 09:22

i know what you mean about naps. they are good for him at the time - and good for you too, its a break for a couple of hours

my advice is to either let him cry for up to 10 mins - controversial - or shush him to sleep either in your arms or you could stroke his head while whispering to him

do you have a cot with a drop down side? can you sit by the cot and stroke his head? would he lie while you did this? i used to stroke my dds eyebrows - it always made them drop off

other things you can do is lie wiht him in YOUR bed til he drops off - or let him lie with you downstairs on the couch - then carry him upstairs

its not ideal but tbh its about staying sane til he moves onto the next phase - which ime is about 20 mths old

and you are not making a rod for your own back - dont listen to anyone who says this

mrspoppins · 20/02/2010 09:24

It isn't punishment to not look at them..you don't storm in and throw back down!!!
Avoiding eye contact is a way of not communicating and not communicating is what you need to do when he should be sleeping and he will learn that at night, you don't get chats. Almost impossible to look at a toddler and not talk to them...in fact it makes you look cross imo if you do that so best to avoid...
You can go in quietly pacifying with sshhs but no more...
Don't worry about him standing up at all..it is simply something he can do.Only worry if he seems unable to put himself down again but tiredness usually helps them lie back down.
I am a controlled crying believer with lots of experience. I would suggest use whatever time frame you like whether it be 1-3-5-1-3-5 mins or 5-10-15...you choose..it doesn't matter but then stick with it, go into him, lie him down, ssshhhing gently and go out again...door shut.Wait your chosen set of minutes and do again. Stick with it and don't change or it is too confusing.
It will pass but starting new habits you would be unhappy to continue long term like co sleeping is not worth it unless you are wanting to do it and it isn't just desperation!
Have a go and take deep breaths!

Original poster

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 09:28

nailpolish, we have tried all of that which work until he either wakes up when we lay him down or he sleeps but then we have to do it again a couple of hours later Do you just think that we need to ride this out and hope that he will just one night sleep through again.

I know that he's not ill or teething so I would leave him to cry for a little while, but I worry that he won't lie down by himself.

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Original poster

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 09:35

mrspoppins, I think I will try the 1-3-5 crying thing tonight as I think it has now developed into a habit. Mummy or daddy will come in if I stand up kind of thing.

I hate seeing him so tired during the day too, and when he gets overtired, it's so horrible to see the pure frustration on his face. I just want him to get a good nights sleep.

OP posts:

ImSoNotTelling · 20/02/2010 09:37

If he can stand up he can lie down?

FWIW we moved DD1 from grobag to blankets when she started standing as I was worried about her trying to walk around and getting tangled up and falling over.

I would try leaving him for a bit if I were you, TBH. But I understand that approach isn't for everyone

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 09:38

he will lie down when he is tired

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 09:40

yes ditch the grobags they are probably annoying him

have you tried putting toys in his cot? he can play with the toy til he is tired

i used to put the radio on really quietly and a plug in nightlight

its ok to go to bed and not sleep immediately, you need to let that be known to him

CrowAndAlice · 20/02/2010 09:41

Why not move him into a low bed? It might be the bars he hates. Or try him in a travel cot to break the pattern.

DS1 hated his cot and in the end he slept in a travel cot (with nice mattress) from 6 months and from 1 in a bed.

mrspoppins · 20/02/2010 09:50

Good luck with tonight then!
Beds are generally a little too big for most at this age...2 ish is when I think they can be the answer and the cot is getting tight.
Some children in the very beginning of pulling themselves up can grab onto the bars but not let go easily..that's what I meant
The less stimulating a bedroom is the easier it is to sleep from my experience so not more than one toy or so in the cot and room dark so you can't see everything around you.
I used to let mine have storytapes on a friday and saturday night when they were younger(not babies) but not on school nights to make the distinction between school nights and days off.
Hope it goes well...let us know! I troubleshoot for families as part of my job and so it is always interesting to hear when things work but equally when things don't

EssenceOfJack · 20/02/2010 09:58

nailpolish, so it's not ok not to give your child eye contact and positive attention when they are wanting it but it's better to leave them to cry?

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 10:00

how old is he? my dds were in a full size single bed at 17 mths - we went straight from cot to fs single bed - i couldnt be bothered with a junior size bed thing

we used a bedguard thing and they never climbed out of the bed or anything despite being able to

it was good to have the option to lie properly beside them if htey couldnt sleep or were ill or whatever

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 10:01

yes IMO it is

leaving them to cry for 5 mins is not cruel

avoiding eye contact is unatural

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 10:03

actually what areyou on about?

i said it was ok to give your child eye contact - in fact i think it is cruel not to

if an ADULT was trying to get your attention would you ignore them by looking in the wrong direction??????????

if an adult was shouting for attention from a different room would you run immediatly in and then stand and look in a different direction?

EssenceOfJack · 20/02/2010 10:05

But as Mrspoppins said it's not cruel, you can look at them, just not eye contact as then it is soo hard not to interact with them otherwise.
Anyway, shall leeave thread as Mrs poppins has good advice and we shall agree to disagree.

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 10:08

i couldnt cuddle my baby and not look at their eyes

not something i would be proud of tbh

EssenceOfJack · 20/02/2010 10:12

But that's not what I mean. What I'd do is go in look at their body, legs, mouth, arms, etc, lie them down and leave. Just not at the eyes.
I woudln't ignore them.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/02/2010 10:13

It is easy to look at a child and in their eyes but not interact with them in other ways.

I am a meany CC person but I'm with nailpolish on this one.

The only thing I do do is sometimes close my eyes if I'm feeding at night or whathaveyou - but that's because I'm a. worn out and b. hope that they might get the message and close their too!

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