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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

13 month old standing up in cot all the time. HELP!

63 replies

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 08:59

We are at our wits end. DS will not lie down in his cot when we put him to bed. He also wakes frequently during the night and is straight up and crying. It has been taking one of us an hour+ every bedtime to get him to lie down. He stands up, I lie him down, he stands up, I lie him down - eventually he will wear himself out and sleep, but mostly wakes again around 1am then 4am and the same happens - it took us 2 hours to settle him in the middle of last night. After all that, he wakes up to start the day around 5.30am.

He was such a good sleeper during his first year. Slept through from 9 weeks and mostly went down from 7 - 6 which was great. It all started to change in early December when he was teething but he's never settled back - it also coincided with me going back to work so that could be a factor.

We have covered everything: dark room, warm enough, heating on all night so not coming on in early hours, dummy, taking his toys/mobile off the cot so no stimulation. We also tried co-sleeping but he won't lie down with us either - he thinks it's playtime then. I know it's only been 3 months of it and I should be grateful it's not been years, but we are shattered and not sure what to do. Thank you for reading this

OP posts:

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ImSoNotTelling · 20/02/2010 10:15

Although I would draw the line at saying it was cruel

but I do think it is unnatural. It's a thing you have to force yourself to do, and you do it because you've read it in a book (IME) If there weren're the books that say this then women wouldn't do it. Because it's not natural.

I'm trying to remember which book I read it in...

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 10:18

it was Claire someone on the telly/book who said dont look at the child

remember the prog ? lots of crying mothers breaking their heart cos their child was desperate for eye contact and they refused cos the nasty woman outside the bedroom shouting No no NO EYE CONTACT

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 10:19

claire verity

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-490386/TV-baby-guru-Claire-Verity-quizzed-qualifications.html

ImSoNotTelling · 20/02/2010 10:22

I think I read it somewhere though. The only books I have are baby whipsered and SWMNBN - they were gifts - so it must be in one of those too.

Longtalljosie · 20/02/2010 10:26

I sort of go halfway in between - I look at her when I come in, sympathetically, I'll also stroke her head, say "sleepy time", then after that one look I'll avoid eye contact while I'm settling her, then back out.

So she hasn't been ignored, exactly, but I haven't entered into anything protracted. Does that make sense?

EssenceOfJack · 20/02/2010 10:34

The point its you aren't cuddling them, you want them to go to sleep.
I haven't read it in a book, I just couldn't make eye contact as it made me want to talk/interact/cuddle with them when they shoudl have been going to sleep!

EssenceOfJack · 20/02/2010 10:36

Longtalljosie, thats what I did, but am having trouble explaining it.

Ugh, claire verity I certainly didn't get it from her. It's not liek I am walking around my house refusing to engage with my children!

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 10:38

i am obv just too soft

my dds are 7 and 5 now and are great sleepers

i did all the things i was told not to -

let them fall asleep on the couch/in my arms/in my bed and then i would put them down

cuddle them to sleep

talk to them when i went in

they always slept well and when they needed it

you have to remember - they are not babies for very long and soon they will be bigger and not need cuddled to sleep and you will yearn for it

dont wish their lives away - enjoy the baby stage and be ther for them when they need you

ImSoNotTelling · 20/02/2010 10:43

Thing is as much as we all have different styles, everyone is different, our children are all different, none of us are cruel.

Even the ones who do CC

In fact we don't even do controlled crying. It's more a form of uncrontrolled crying which is more doing what we feel comforatble with and what we think is OK for the babies.

EssenceOfJack · 20/02/2010 10:43

I'm really confused nailpolish, now you say you cuddles them all the imte and yet a few posts ago you advocated leaving them to cry?

It's iirelevant what my children are like now, or how we lived our llives apart from the odd hour in the few weeks we were trying to get DD1 to lie down in her cot so I shall give up and leave you with your opinion of me as some horrible child ignorer.

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 10:51

i said it was ok to leave them 5 or 10 mins if they were crying

im not a slave to my child - if she was crying and i knew it was cos she was tired i wouldnt rush in to her room

i didnt say you were a horrible child ignorer

ROFL

ImSoNotTelling · 20/02/2010 10:52

Ah that would be the uncontrolled crying techinique that I am such a fan of

CrowAndAlice · 20/02/2010 10:55

"Beds are generally a little too big for most at this age...2 ish is when I think they can be the answer and the cot is getting tight."

Yes Mrs Poppins but the key word there surely is 'generally' - some babies don't read the rule book - so neither can the parents. DS1 was perfectly happy in his big bed aged 13 months.

CrowAndAlice · 20/02/2010 10:57

And i used to pick them up where they dropped and put them to bed.

mrspoppins · 20/02/2010 11:07

You can always be guaranteed a debate where cc is concerned. When I started this in 1992, we had no internet and there were no TV programmes telling you how you shouldn't do stuff...so I didn't read about it till a few years later and then found out that it had a name!
Because little one's problems are built up of many different layers that all contribute in some way, I am an advocate of CC when it comes to sleeping as it removes the anxious parent layer that can sometimes be the thickest!!!
By allowing them to feel relaxed that they know what to do in the middle of the night when they are at their tiredest and almost giving them permission(metaphorically of course before that kicks off )to allow their child to cry and yet still be a loving parent,it can often be the key as suddenly, keeping your cool and making informed choices rather than desperate ones, resolve things more speedily.
So far, I have never had a situation where it hasn't worked. When I do, I will re- assess and move forward to something else. My style isn't from a book or prescribed theories but from practical experience and a knack...just like others are good at Maths or can find their way around the country without sat nav...!!!

mrspoppins · 20/02/2010 11:08

CrowAndAlice agree that's why I said most.

nailpolish · 20/02/2010 11:13

why does it have to have a feckin name ?

go with your instinct
if you want to cuddle your child to sleep do it
if your instinct says do what a book says do it

hth

ImSoNotTelling · 20/02/2010 11:14

mrspoppins the whole strict timing thing can only have come from books surely.

Thus formalising what people had been doing instinctively for years.

The problem with then doing it because of the books is that instinct is placed to one side.

mrspoppins · 20/02/2010 11:17

Agree and that is why it is so important to assess the problem properly which face to face I can do...Here, it is a case of perhaps have a go at this and good luck! but I think that's better than saying nothing when it may help...

Original poster

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 12:58

When DS is teething and is ill, I did take him out of the cot and cuddle him back to sleep but he now wants that every night, even when he's not poorly. As much as I would love to, it just isn't practical - especially during the week.

I spoke with DH and he said he'd be willing to try CC. mrspoppins , would you please be kind enough to talk me through getting started? I'm clueless.

OP posts:

winnybella · 20/02/2010 13:08

We had a sleeping crisis with dd around 12 months and I swotched her from the grobag to duvet, which made her sleep better right away.
DD falls asleep half the time on my breast, but other times I put her in her cot with a little plastic container with a few small toys. She plays with them for 5-10 minutes, throws some out of the cot and then goes to sleep by herself. I think it gives her something to do and she doesn't feel like she's left alone with nothing to do but to stare at the wall til she falls asleep.
Maybe worth trying?
I tried the crying it out and cc methods, but it didn't work and distressed her and me a lot.

mrspoppins · 20/02/2010 13:16

Bambinolovesbeccie,
Of course I will...I will just finish up my chores and in a couple of hours will post a new thread called giving Controlled crying a go? I'll list step by step what I do and we'll take it from there. x

Original poster

BambinolovesBeccie · 20/02/2010 13:44

Thank you mrspoppins.

OP posts:

mrspoppins · 20/02/2010 17:46

Have posted...good luck. I will pop in and out throughout the evening if there is anything you would like clarified. I'm off to cook tea now but will keep an eye open. x

itsababslife · 22/02/2010 09:56

Thought i'd add my own tuppence worth...my DD is 12.5 mths and has just figured out how to stand up in her cot so i'm anticipating similar probs to come. Fortunately up to now she's mostly been a doddle to put down for the night, but there have been periods, usually associated with teething or a big change in her life e.g. starting nursery, when she's lost the routine. Its seems counterintuitive but she always sleeps better if she's slept well in the day, conversely if daytime naps have gone a bit wayward and she's really tired come night time she's harder to settle...perhaps its not the time to try reducing naps. Also lots and lots of fresh air always seems to kick start a better pattern of sleep - we take a walk for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours, and of course keeping the bedtime routine the same every night.

I'm winnybella on the controlled crying thing, it just felt too cruel

Sorry its all a bit obvious, hope you find a solution soon

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